sexual polarity and human magnet syndrome

[mamad]

I guess most of you have read human magnet syndrome by Ross Rosenberg or you know about narcissistic/codependent relationships.

as a male I always want to be supportive and provider in my romantic and long term relationship. But I feel as I concentrate more on my partner`s emotions and needs and try to be the pillar of the relationship I end up in a narcissistic/codependent relationship where the relationship is all about her and her needs.

and as I become more neutral about her needs and concentrate more on my needs I feel the spark of the relationship goes away.

am I wrong in my understanding of masculinity in relationship or is there something else?

any advice would be appreciated

[Thunder Kiss]

Sounds more like incompatiblity. You also have needs and if your partner can’t or doesn’t want to meet them then you’d be better paired with someone who is comfortable with meeting your needs too  

before you label yourself as codependent or not masculine enough first look at incompatibility, instead of blaming yourself. 
 

make sure that from the beginning you are prioritising your needs In the relationship, so you will attract someone who is more compatible with you. 

[Vzdoh]

Funny enough, when I posted about my needs not being met fully in a relationship, I was told I am clingy and need to find ways to meet my own needs better somewhere else. As well as stop extracting "needs" from my partner because it's transactional and its not love in pure form.. Yada yada yada... 

How different replies look for a guy, having the same issue... Wow! 

[Thunder Kiss]

7 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

Funny enough, when I posted about my needs not being met fully in a relationship, I was told I am clingy and need to find ways to meet my own needs better somewhere else. As well as stop extracting "needs" from my partner because it's transactional and its not love in pure form.. Yada yada yada... 

How different replies look for a guy, having the same issue... Wow! 

the way i see it is nobody is clingy, they are just chasing the wrong people... people who they aren''t compatible with and who are incabable of meeting their needs.  so then they end up believing it's their fault for being too clingy and supressing their needs in order to not scare the other person away. 

it comes down to your attachment style..  avoidant people are the hardest to have relationships with.  the best pairing is either secure & secure or anxious & secure. ..  the secure one helps the anxious one eventually become more secure if they work on things togethr.  so if someone is secure and emotionally strong they have no problem meeting their partners needs.  whereas an avoidant person is uncomfortable with that. 

nobody is clingy per se they are just with the wrong person..of course they should also work on themselves to become more secure..

try reading the book 'attached' it talks more about all this .

[Vzdoh]

@Thunder Kiss I did a test on attachment styles. Will post a link here for the topic starter. I am solid secure type. 

[Thunder Kiss]

 

[mamad]

4 hours ago, Thunder Kiss said:

Sounds more like incompatiblity. You also have needs and if your partner can’t or doesn’t want to meet them then you’d be better paired with someone who is comfortable with meeting your needs too  

before you label yourself as codependent or not masculine enough first look at incompatibility, instead of blaming yourself. 
 

make sure that from the beginning you are prioritising your needs In the relationship, so you will attract someone who is more compatible with you. 

 

2 hours ago, Thunder Kiss said:

 

tnx a lot