How much persistence on one woman is enough? (Not on several women)

[charlie cho]

Just.... I heard some people pursue one woman like 6 months. Some may live in that friendzone hell. Some may have been unsuccessfully flirting at her for 6- 16 months. I see that this do exists.

This question came upon my mind after watching Jordan Belfort's videos on persuasion. I know it's not wise to accompany sales training with dating, but his quote sparked my curiosity. He says that persuasion starts when the other person says no. People think that when we have made a presentation and the percipient says no, that is nearly coming to an end to their persuasion sequence. No, Jordan Belfort says. He says that part is only 1/10 of the whole sequence.

Wow, I never knew this. what do you think

It was funny about Jordan Belfort. He was actually disrespecting some clients who would buy right away without saying no at first. I kinda feel the same way with anyone who I'm trying to persuade. So I ask you this question. 

Edited September 5, 2021 by charlie cho

[Gianna]

It's funny I always thought it was unnatural to be so persistent without holding back but I heard somewhere that compared it to children. Saying that it is natural for kids to ask for things various times even after being told no. I thought that was interesting and changed my perspective on it  

[charlie cho]

@Gianna yeah, that's a perspective I haven't thought of!

I remember being like that when I was a kid. And adults don't feel particularly offended when the children are persistent in their pitches. I think that is the most healthy way to be persistent with a person. We must be persistent with the percipient with respect and naturalness like children. 

[Jacob Morres]

Interesting new take ? 

Actually initially the first thing that came to my mind was 1-2 weeks 

Maybe part of that answer comes to the person in question. Like how cold are they to the idea of it. How much are they worth it to chase. What factors are preventing them? Like if they're chronically into toxic men then that is probably a red flag 

 

[hyruga]

Not sure why you mentioned 6 months. Some people chase for 5-10 years.

[Spiral]

You give her the opportunity once if she has poor taste, what’s the point in offering it again? There billions to choose from. 

Edited September 5, 2021 by Spiral

[charlie cho]

@hyruga wow

[Chew211]

It's usually not the persistence itself that does the winning over. A woman has a life too, and depending on where she is with her life, she might be receptive to someone pursuing her or not. Most women usually aren't receptive if they have a boyfriend. However some women go on a dating spree after a breakup, and so easy to get with during that time period. Then again, if she's in that state, she might be dtf, but not looking for anything beyond that. Those are just two specific examples. As a guy of course, it's not in your best interest to be persistent with a woman in the long run. You could have met several women that would have given you a more fulfilling experience in the meantime. 

[Tudo]

12 hours ago, hyruga said:

Some people chase for 5-10 years.

Damn.Image chasing a woman for 10 fucking years, and, in the end, she just decides to marry another dude.lol

[charlie cho]

@Chew211 sure i understand what you mean

[hyruga]

Check out how Zig Ziglar chase his girlfriend despite several rejections in the book 'Secrets of closing the sale.'

[Leo Gura]

5-30 minutes is about right. Any more than that and you're showing her that you're a loser.

If she doesn't get attracted to you within 30 minutes, you've failed and it's time to move on. Realistically attraction takes 5-10 minutes to happen when a guy knows what he's doing.

[charlie cho]

@Leo Gura I see. I'm guessing you are not talking about how long a man have known the woman, but the time they have spent together, in which in this case it would be 5-30 minutes they both spent time together - real time. 

 

Edited September 6, 2021 by charlie cho

[Leo Gura]

@charlie cho I am talking about reaching hook-point, where she is clearly attracted to the guy and is willing to date him. Little pursuit is needed after hook-point is reached. Then you just slowly reel her in. She will come willingly. You don't need to chase her.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura The only issue i have with the typical attraction theory and hook points etc is that it is basically made for pick up in a club, bar, park etc. What about social circle, or meeting girls through work, university, common organisations etc. I met a lot of girls in this way as i am a student but does this still work? This hook point 30 minute stuff? What if you do not have the time to talk to them straight for 30 minutes but just a couple? 

[Roy]

On 9/4/2021 at 11:13 PM, charlie cho said:

Just.... I heard some people pursue one woman like 6 months. Some may live in that friendzone hell. Some may have been unsuccessfully flirting at her for 6- 16 months. I see that this do exists.

It can be seen as endearing in rare occasions, but from what I know the success rate for that kind of length of pursuit is extremely low. The female perception will most likely be of creepiness, disgust, desperation, low-self esteem etc.

If it was meant to happen it probably would have happened. There are millions of women, so just move on with life. Way healthier approach to this that saves everyone time and energy.

On a related note the idea of soulmates and twin flames while nice is also filled with a lot of delusion. In reality we are all compatible with a ton of people to various degrees. I've noticed a trend that those that romanticize the idea of a soulmate the most regularly have low self-esteem and can't set proper boundaries.

So if you miss an opportunity with a really great person, don't try again too many times. Just accept it and start looking for the next opportunity.

Practice letting go.

[flowboy]

On 05/09/2021 at 8:13 AM, charlie cho said:

Just.... I heard some people pursue one woman like 6 months. Some may live in that friendzone hell. Some may have been unsuccessfully flirting at her for 6- 16 months. I see that this do exists.

It exists but it doesn't work, and ends in restraining orders filed against you.

The only exception to that is, if she's attracted from the beginning but there are practical obstacles. Like: she's still in the process of divorce. Or: her parents won't let her date you until you get a job. Or: she likes you but has limiting beliefs about dating you. Or: she's attracted on some level but she's not convinced that your lives fit well together. Or: she's so attracted to you, that she has a hard time believing you actually want to be with her. Or: you are in the military and get to see her only for a couple days a year, until your situation changes and you can be together.

That's not friendzone hell, that's attraction with practical obstacles. A longer courtship dance, stretched out for some reason.

Being in the friendzone is something that only happens to men who can't be honest what they want, which is a prohibitively non-attractive trait.

If she doesn't find you attractive from the first day, any pursuit after that will dig you into a deep hole, because it shows that you are desperate.

[SLuxy]

The self is always coming through.

If you act persistently because you are pulled towards her, it is more likely to work.

If you act persistently because you are pushed towards her to meet your unmet needs, it is much less likely to work.

Usually, it'll be the latter case. I'm guessing that is so for you.

However, in actuality you don't want her. You want the state of consciousness that you perceive being with her would bring you.

[Tudo]

4 hours ago, Roy said:

It can be seen as endearing in rare occasions, but from what I know the success rate for that kind of length of pursuit is extremely low. The female perception will most likely be of creepiness, disgust, desperation, low-self esteem etc.

If it was meant to happen it probably would have happened.

Listen to this guy.  I already chased a woman for years and all this resulted in, was heartbreak and a tremendous waste of time. Don't do it, bro.

[Tudo]

Just focus on improving yourself and on your well-being and try to find a girl that REALLY wants to be with you. Don't make the same mistake I did.