Ending suffering

[RoerAmit]

So lately Im in deep suffering, i have some trauma and a lot of pain and hurt that I am allowing myself to feel for the first time in my life.

And oh god it hurts! I cant stop crying and when I suppress it like I used to it makes me feel even worse.

I am so happy I can feel again and allow myself to start integrating these hardcore emotions. 

But sometimes I get even suicidal and think to myself is it gonna end? Am I gonna feel good/complete/love again? - How do you guys handle it when it gets too hard? I am so afraid from the idea of physically harming myself, I know its not the way but sometimes it seems like an option. I need help. Please.

I am in conflict, on the one hand I want to end the suffering and that means I need to wake up and to end the idea of me existing. On the other hand I am terrified of that.

So WTF Should happen? Is it that I am stuck in a lose-lose situation? WTF? Help?

Thanks

[Natasha]

@RoerAmit What helped me in the past is to sit with it and allow it to run through you. Healing takes time and it shall pass too. Observe, don't absorb. Eckhart Tolle has good videos on pain body. We don't have to identify with pain. Please listen to some of his videos, they'll be a healing balm. Much love <3

[Natasha]

@RoerAmit Also, I haven't watched Leo's last video yet, but from this morning's comments it sounds like he touches on the topic of pain and suffering and gives good perspective on those. I'll be watching the vid shortly, let me know what you think. There is also a thread in Enlightenment subforum about it.

[snowyowl]

@RoerAmit if you're feeling suicidal or this seems too much to handle by yourself please see a professional like your doctor or ring one of the suicide helplines. 

It sounds like you're going through a process of the suppressed trauma coming to the surface and the emotions need to find expression, but if you let it move, cry or whatever you need, it should gradually subside. Like the five stages of grief: emotions: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

10 hours ago, RoerAmit said:

I am in conflict, on the one hand I want to end the suffering and that means I need to wake up and to end the idea of me existing. On the other hand I am terrified of that.

For now I'd recommend just focusing on your emotional healing and taking care of your mental health, with whatever support you've got available. Build up a strong healthy happy self.  The spiritual work of deconstructing ego needs to wait imo. 

[RickyFitts]

These feelings will  pass, as @Natasha said, though I know only too well that it's hard to believe that when you're in the grip of emotions like sorrow and despair. It's in the very nature of those kinds of feelings that they don't  feel like they're ever going to pass, they feel eternal.

What helped me in those moments was to ask myself, 'What do I need right now?', and then just take care of my needs in the moment, whether that meant going for a walk, listening to music, meditating, doing breathing exercises, talking to a friend - whatever you need, and trusting that those feelings will eventually pass.

[Natasha]

Trust the process @RoerAmit

[RoerAmit]

Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart there is some good ideas here
Love??

[RickyFitts]

@RoerAmit All the best with it, my friend, my heart goes out to you.

[Roy]

On 9/4/2021 at 4:43 PM, RoerAmit said:

But sometimes I get even suicidal and think to myself is it gonna end?

That's alright that those those exist and that they happen. Not saying it's a good thing, just that they exist.

It's a response your brain is coming up with because you are going through suffering and overwhelmed. So logical processes can lead to the conclusion that the only way to escape the suffering is to die. Which is of course absurd because that in and of itself leads to more suffering for yourself and others.

The thing here is you aren't your thoughts, they are something that is happening. However where does it say thoughts = reality, or just that because you have thoughts you need to act on them to make them reality? You see thoughts are just thoughts. They are hollow, light, and just float by. Like a feather in the wind.

Pay attention to the signals they send, but don't take them too seriously.

You are doing great work by feeling your suffering and not suppressing it anymore @RoerAmit. That's a HUGE step in the right direction.