Lower dreams of God, Fear

[goldpower123]

Lately I have been backsliding and finding it hard to turn inward, thus going outside myself into my old life.

I find myself in the mental realms and in the lower dreams of God, like say you have chakras of consciousness: I feel like I've gone down to the bottom where it's purely mental and shadow. Like outside myself. A lot more selfish and fear in my spirit, like I am a lost creature in the universe. However because I've grown my spirit feels bigger and the feelings in my core are stronger.

A couple nights ago I had intense existential fear, like going into my shadow. I couldn't sleep for about 2 nights, I was freaking myself out, my mind playing tricks on me. I had to get sleeping pills and got to sleep last night thankfully. But it's like I've gone to the lower dreams of god, however what's crazy is that I realize it's ALL consciousness and it's happening inside of me, the dream of God, there is nothing BUT imagination, and it can imagine hells or heavens. In some twisted contorted way I am enjoying this egoic dream of god. But the love is contorted, I am confused within, not sure where to turn. However I realize I have some level of control over this over how I used my mind.

When I first grew spiritually it was like the high of my life, very elevated and high consciousness realms. I was meditating, healthy lifestyle, etc. and also felt like I gained new pre frontal cortex connections which are coming in handy now.

Please, what I am talking about is not for the weak. This is very serious stuff and is there someone who can shed some light or advice for me? Is this all part of the journey? The backsliding, going into the lower dreams while still having that increased awareness, I'm trying to just live life and dumb myself down and submit to what feels like the right thing to do.

Thanks