my GF & me fight everytime: 1 week before her period.

[Twega]

I hate fighting when girls are on their period. I can't understand it. All the fights look so petty to me. On my bday, she fought with me even though I was non-reactive. It really ruined the day for me. I forgive her every time, of course, but I told her if she thinks she is going to PMS really bad, then avoid talking or seeing me because it ends with bickers that I do not want to be a part of. It is one thing to have fights that end with constructive critiques of one's actions and ultimately improve relationships. These fights are more like meaningless bickering that adds zero value and negativity, which is why I want to avoid them.

I've had relationships before this one, and even though I experienced girls getting moody on their periods, this is something "stronger" than all the girls I've known. They acted in similar but less intense ways some of the time. But she acts like this almost every time and more intensely.

I'm not the angry type at all. So I don't lash out at her, but I get really tired and agitated, but not angry. When she gets her period, her awareness drops. She exhibits all the nouns in psychology that describe someone with low awareness (projection, repression, denial). She uses false analogies to make her point. I see it as completely a waste of time to even talk or reason with her when she is PMSing.

When she stops, she is fine and might even be more aware and more conscious and loving than me. It's weird. Hormones are a hella of a drug.

Thoughts? Did I make the right choice in telling her to avoid me? Ladies, would you be upset if your man told you that (I think I already know the answer to that one, haha)

note: I posted this by mistake on health fitness nutrition, so I reposted here.

[Gesundheit2]

Tell her to join a gym to fix those PMS pains.

[Terell Kirby]

33 minutes ago, Twega said:

On my bday, she fought with me even though I was non-reactive. It really ruined the day for me.

You contradict yourself here, if you were really non reactive, it wouldn’t ruin your day.

It obviously bothers you, but to diffuse arguments, at least one person has to have a cool head about things. As a man, you must be able to control your emotions…to soften her emotions.

When she’s pissed, just ask her questions and try to get an understanding. Nine times out of ten..she just wants you listen so she can feel heard and understood. You can’t do this when you are caught up in your emotions and in a reactive state.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Terell Kirby

[Twega]

Just now, Terell Kirby said:

You contradict yourself here, if you were really non reactive, it wouldn’t ruin your day.

I should elaborate when I say I was non-reactive. I simply mean I did not reply to anything nor argued back. Throughout the next 2 hours, I tried to keep bringing different subjects. I was joking, laughing, but she kept on starting drama, and it drained me. Then I left. What was ruined was my birthday. That is what I mean because I would have rather spent it alone than with someone arguing with me and being emotional and negative

[Gianna]

Hormones will never come off as 'reasonable' so you're probably right in that the fighting around this time is petty. But even though the reasoning is petty, the emotions are very real. Does she do body awareness exercises? It might be good for her to do some if not. Emotions get stored in the body, maybe she should try some shamanic breathwork to release some of that stuff out. I've also heard walking outside at night under the moon is very healing for girls when they are on their period. Maybe, when you guys find yourself fighting, you can take a midnight walk out under the moon. Maybe even barefoot. Some grounding might help when you feel so neurotic on your period. 

And yes, if a guy told me that I would be hurt. But I would also understand deep down. No one– not even the girl– wants to be going through such painful hormonal imbalances. 

[egoeimai]

@Twega you know, we struggle with our periods. Every month is a struggle. I see it in me. It's not so the physical pain, I got used to it. It's the hormonal crazy party. Of course you're not obligated to be part of the party. But just be compassionate. How'd you think you'd be iif you were in her shoes? 

It's hard. Not every woman struggles the same way but we all have our different kind of struggle. We go through a lot. Just be compassionate understanding loving and caring. It doesn't take much. I'd say see what she needs. She needs to argue with you. Explain to her that she must try to be more aware of her emotions and feelings, and tell her that you'll stay away from all of this for some days until she's feeling better. Anyhow you can't do something to help her. When you're in pain for example not every girl wants to be hugged or something. So ask her what she needs. For example when I'm on my period I just want to be left alone, in a dark room laying on bed listening to depressing music. Other girls wants to fight. Just stay away until it passes. She's gonna be okay you'll feel better. There's no point on arguing every time. Just let her know it's nobody's fault. Not her fault. She'll feel better. 

[flowboy]

See my last response in your original topic

[Nahm]

One day you will be dying. You will know it is your last breath, and you would give anything just for one more second of her bitching at you. 

[Spiral]

Surely there most be other girls available?

[flowboy]

34 minutes ago, Spiral said:

Surely there most be other girls available?

Are you referring to his open relationship?

Sure, when your partner is feeling at their most insecure and vulnerable, and their emotions are bothering you, that's the perfect time to go sleep with someone else.

Flawless advice, really. Top notch.

Edited September 4, 2021 by flowboy

[Spiral]

59 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Are you referring to his open relationship?

Sure, when your partner is feeling at their most insecure and vulnerable, and their emotions are bothering you, that's the perfect time to go sleep with someone else.

Flawless advice, really. Top notch.

That’s not what I mean. I mean if your partner is bring you down on the regular and there doesn’t seem like you can do anything about it. Perhaps you should reconsider your relationship. Now sure I don’t know to which extent this effects him so perhaps he can cope.

[flowboy]

1 minute ago, Spiral said:

That’s not what I mean. I mean if your partner is bring you down on the regular and there doesn’t seem like you can do anything about it. Perhaps you should reconsider your relationship. Now sure I don’t know to which extent this effects him so perhaps he can cope.

Ok, I misunderstood. That's a valid point

[Seed]

I wouldnt just blame it all on PMS. It seems like you are invalidating her but what she feels is what she feels, whether you approve or understand it or not. PMS may be causing these feelings, but they are as true to her as the sky is blue.

Perhaps you can think of how you can actively help her during these times? To reduce the intensity?

I find I always need plenty alone time, I need to not be left hungry, plenty of sleep, and gentle calmness (just like a baby really) Try to listen to her needs just for those few days, this will seep into your relationship in general and make you a stronger couple. 

And also, if she gets too much then respect your boundaries and take yourself away, for a walk or drive. That should be fine. I think during tense moments, space is key! 

 

[Gesundheit2]

2 hours ago, Nahm said:

One day you will be dying. You will know it is your last breath, and you would give anything just for one more second of her bitching at you. 

[hamedsf]

some girls and their periods! such a negative adventure they wanna make out of a blue! 

well, I found this by my dating experiences: the more she's angry and reactive in her period, the more trauma she has inside. 

basically, period make all of the deep-rooted emotions come to the surface.

so my advice for you: 

be non-reactive, if she gets reactive every time, but don't let her disrespect you because of the excuse of period. 

so if she continues to do disrespectful behaviors, terminate it. real men want respect more than love. 

Edited September 8, 2021 by hamedsf