Extreme Undecisiveness

[electroBeam]

As the title states, how do you deal with extreme undecisiveness?

Ever since I was in high school, I lost my ability to trust myself, and I became extremely undecisive. 

To put the issue I have into context, I wasted 8 hours a day, for 6 weeks, deciding which university to go to.

I also put my teachers and family in a spin, when I was told to choose what elective I should pick for high school.

And now I am at another point in time, where I have a pretty important decision to make, and if I continue to do no shadow work, I'm going to waste weeks on this decision.

 

I just can't handle the idea of missing out on a big opportunity, and the uncertainty of it all is too much for me to handle. 

 

What should I do? I can't really hear intutition(or the muse) and when I do, I'm just too scared to trust it. 

What shadow work should I even do? 

Is it advisable that I should go see a psychologist about this?

 

Thankyou actualized people!

[General 2]

Oh yeah same.

They say trust your intuition, but my intuition gives me different opinions each time!

I think noone can decide better for yourself so maybe you need to overcome some set of meditation sessions to get in touch with your inner self and values...(speaking of psychologist)

[Awomanaware]

@electroBeam I know it's hard, but try to not take everything so seriously and trust that you will learn something about yourself from every decision, because you will, and that's the point. With these experiences, you will realise what you don't want, and that will bring you closer to the things you actually want. You will make "wrong decisions" but they are actually not wrong, because they are the part of the process. Trust the process.

Also, I've found that writing can help. You can try writing notes about the best version of yourself that you can imagine, as it has already happened. Without judgement, it could be something insignificant that makes you happy or some big goals you have that you've always found impossible to achive. Or you can just write: I know what I want in life. The key is to refocus from the image of yourself as this person that doesn't know, and welcome all the possibilities. 

 

[Pallero]

There are no "right" and "wrong" decisions. You will never know how life would have gone had you made a different choice, anyway. We only call them choices, but actually there is only an illusion of choice.

So what if it takes you a long time to decide? That's your style and you should accept it. You lost your self-confidence and now you are doing the best with what you have - that's great! I would say that you know yourself extremely well - since you know how much time you need.

The world is in a rush. Most of us don't spend enough time on life decisions. Have you read the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown? It's a very inspiring read. He talks about the same thing as Leo in his video Lifestyle Minimalism. We all need to slow the f*ck down.

Congrats on mastering the art!

[Prabhaker]

On 12/7/2016 at 5:12 PM, electroBeam said:

how do you deal with extreme undecisiveness?

Even if you decide wrongly, then too decision is good. If you decide rightly it is a great blessing, but if you decide wrongly, then too it is better than the indecisive state of mind.

Your making the decision alone will bring an end to the state of unconsciousness, because a decision cannot emerge in an unconscious state. Lacking decisiveness, you will simply go on drifting here and there, pushed by the society. You are just pulled and pushed from all sides. So if you stay indecisive, the state of unconsciousness will become more and more condensed. There is only one wrongdoing – not to make a decision. And there is only one virtue – to be decisive.

The mind is always indecisive. That is one of the basic characteristics of the mind, indecisiveness. The moment a resolution arises in you the mind disappears. To be decisive is to go beyond the mind; to remain indecisive, hesitant, divided, is to live in the mind. Resolution means totality, commitment, involvement, a quantum leap into something, into something which is not yet clearly known. Taking a risk is resolution. But the mind is a coward. It avoids risks; it seeks security, safety. 

[Elisabeth]

On 7. 12. 2016 at 0:42 PM, electroBeam said:

Is it advisable that I should go see a psychologist about this?

I think it is very advisible to ask a psychologist (or a couch?) to help you with this specific decision making process you're afraid of now. They have tools - my psychologist has helped me with with a major decision. I was asked to imagine and describe my life after choosing each option, and then we just layed one pillow for each option, and I was asked to sit there and feel what's going on. So I guess it was about getting into touch with feelings. But it doesn't hurt have another person take you through it.  

Decisions become easier after you have made a few of them, so it's not like asking for help with one decision is just a quick fix. You do learn.

Edited December 8, 2016 by Elisabeth

[Arman]

My perspective: Confusion and inability to make decisions come from emotional blockages. Emotional blockages come from a lack of willingness to be present with discomfort/resistance. 

Bare with me here: 

Knowing the right choice comes from intuition. Intuition is the clear still inner voice that leads us down the path of greatest expansion. Growth means having to face resistance. Paradoxically intuition always leads to the path of least resistance, but for as long as we're in the physical domain, the path of least resistance means having to face some resistance now for greatest optimization.

Resistance is uncomfortable, and if you're not willing to be uncomfortable then you will never dissolve the resistance that life is asking you to move through in order to grow.

Confusion is not as you think it is. It is not a lack of answers. It is merely an energetic/physiological phenomena. Confusion is just like fear, anger, grief, etc. We think of it as having special connection to the mind, intellect, etc, but it's not the case. It can be useful to rid yourself of the label of confusion. Instead, you may wish to call it resistance. 

Emotional blockages narrow our vision. No discomfort or resistance can be resolved with an answer - only awareness and willingness to be present with discomfort resolves it. Therefore, it is impossible to be able to discover 'answers' at the level of intellect or thought that resolve discomfort. At best, these answers only sedate the discomfort which you've labelled as confusion, but the resistance will soon return and with it your answer won't make sense anymore or you are unsure of it. 

When the resistance is let go of, the answer comes clearly and obviously. Often in fact, we will feel so silly for not having seen it in the first place. It seems obvious obvious obvious.

'Answers' come when the resistance has been dissolved at the being level. When people let go of their resistance, or let go of attachment, an answer comes, but the mistake they make is to assume that the answer caused the feeling of resolution and the sensation of progress. The truth is, the answer was the spontaneous emanation that arose from the shift that occurred at the more subtle being level, as a result of having dissolved resistance. You were now vibrationally compatible with ideas and energies that you were previously blind to.  The shift itself is what makes you feel good and allows you to move out of the illusion of stagnation. Not the answer that was born out of it. 

----

So this means when you are unsure of what to do on a subject, your aim should be to acknowledge the discomfort and resistance on the subject, and then aim to 'let it go'.

We let go by accepting the experience and allowing it to be there unconditionally. You accept that it's where you are and how you feel. It is useful to accept the situation and the various ways it can turn out. 

On larger, 'heavier' subjects, it can take time or multiple sessions of continuing to let go and allow resistance before clarity can come in - but that's not always the case. Sometimes letting go can bring instantaneous, often miraculous results. 

It would be very useful for you to practically play with this idea (and I encourage you discover the truth of it for yourself) by using it on less contentious subjects. For example, you can't decide between two meals to eat. Or you don't know which movie to watch, what clothes you want to wear, who you want to hang out with today, etc. When you feel unsure on the subject and its causing you discomfort, apply the practice of unconditionally allowing the discomfort and resistance to be there. Accepting it, and the various outcomes. Accept that you may even choose the 'wrong' thing but that you'd still be okay with it.

Then observe the results. You will know clarity when it comes, because it is joyous, expansive, relieving and comes with a sense of vitality. As you keep repeating this process with various difficulties in your life, you'll gain an increased sense of self-esteem and understanding. 

 

Leo's video on the subject is EXCELLENT.

 

Edited December 9, 2016 by Arman