How wise and integral can I become?

[Thought Art]

I sense I am both a bit wise, but also rather foolish in my life...

I am wise in that I am embracing life long learning and I realize the importance of developing my wisdom during my 20's and over the rest of my life. I think in some levels I am wise beyond my years, or culture. Yet, in other ways I am still a child.

• I read everyday
• I realize the importance of life long learning
• I realize the importance of infinite love and understanding
• I realize the Goodness of Gods grace
• I realize the importance of integrity, wisdom, self love and holism
• I realize the importance of psychedelics, yoga, qigong, journaling and contemplation
• I realize the importance of a clear mind, sharp intellect and strong grasp of mathmatical concepts,
• I realize the importance of developing hard and soft skills
• I realize the importance of developing my own soverneigty 
• I realize that I am God and I am pure consciousness.
• I realize that the only thing to do in the universe is to increase your consciousness, to love more and serve more and more selflessly to others
• I realize the importance of taking full responsibility for my actions, my state, my decisions and any consequences that arrise
• I realize that aspects of life, including certain success or harm cannot be undone
• I am beginning to accept death as I no long think it is possible
• I invest in education, mental health, spiritual development 
• I am learning to be kind to myself, to forgive myself for my mistakes and to let go of the past
• I am learning to have proper priorities
• I am realize how I construct meaning around me and how mechanical I have lived up until now
• I am realizing that my biggest enemy in life is a lack of wisdom, integrity and maturity. This is the cause of all my suffering and the harm I have caused to others in my life.
• I realize that I am absolutely nothing and that I am immortal. But, maybe I am playing this weird game with myself in this dualistic domain.
• I realize the different between implicit and explicit understanding of reality 
• I have a strong taste for infinity.

I am foolish in that I am

• Impulsive
• Short sighted
• Addicted
• Fearful
• Assume too much
• I don't have a strong enough grasp on metaphysics and epistemology
• I lie to myself and others
• I sometimes do dangerous and reckless things 
• I have a weak financial psychology
• I don't always do what I say I am going to do and I often pay the price for this
• I don't plan well enough yet
• I often neglect my sleeping routine though I am seeing improvement
• I don't have self trust because I often break my own word
• I can be jealous, selfish, petty, paranoid, angry, toxic, fearful, unconscious 

I think over the next 5-10 years a lot of growth will be happening. I feel like I am now just beginning to wrap my head around Leo's work and my recent enlightenment experiences are slowly but surely being integrated into practicality and survival. I don't fully trust myself. My biggest fears are hurting others or myself because I over look something, or act foolishly ( I think a large percentage of my life has been this foolishness. God gave me so potential at birth. A beatuiful olympian quality body, a safe beautiful place to life, privilege... Yet, I couldn't see the gift I was given . I really don't want to fuck this up, so please God. Allow me to become wise and self actualize without totally fucking this up. I fully realize that I can fuck this up, end up in jail or harm others if I am not careful. There is nothing special about Jared. He is just a human, ignorant and prone to impulsive decision making. He also has a deep profound love for all beings. 

 

I would like to be peace, love, forgiveness, understanding and health. I would like to become a reflector of Gods highest joy and love and to lead others. However, I am not leader. Not yet. I am still a fucking fool. But,  I love myself more and more and I know I have the capacity to be wise. 

How many years will it take to become more wise? How many more mistakes will I have to make? How many more times will I potentially hurt myself or others? Or lose out on promising opportunities? How much longer will I be a child of illusion, lost in my own mind not being able to see reality as it is? How can I make higher quality distinctions? How can I rest in infinite love regardless of external circumstances?

How many blind spots and areas of ignorance do I have? How can I ACTUALLY become wise. I can sense I am bit by bit. 

I also know the future it unknown and anything could happen in the next second.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Thought Art

[SriSriJustinBieber]

This may sound like BS but I would suggest that true wisdom happens when love clashes against itself continuously

[Stovo]

Sounds like you're making good progress and being a bit harsh on yourself for having some flaws. 

If anything maybe you're caught up in too much "doing" and you need to concentrate on "being" a lot more. This will help you integrate everything.