Zen-signalling

[cypres]

I want to say something, that often what people are lacking and needing to move on from a victim state is to be validated and heard, and experience that someone cares that they were hurt. Solving a chronic issue isn't always about punishing yourself further, sometimes kindnesses are what will allow you to progress.

And often people who try to "help" by emphasizing how the person is wrong for feeling how they feel, just want to highlight the contrast to themselves. In this case the person who is helping has not integrated the part of themselves that's similar to the person who is asking. They have not included the other person as part of themselves. They are not speaking from oneness, but from separation (often while associating themselves with oneness and other higher virtues).

Often the topic-starter complies and turns against the part of themselves who comes with the issue (triangulating against the 'ego' part of themselves). Outwardly resolution has been achieved, but inwardly there is more fragmentation and distrust.

This of course applies to many other issues than victim states, it's just the example I'm using. A victim state is different from a victim mindset, which is chronic. The point I'm trying to make is mainly about signalling or other ego-services under the guise of helping or teaching.

I'm not trying to exempt myself from this either. I haven't included what I'm talking about as part of myself. I become angry when I see what I'm describing and in the short term I care more about pointing out what I see as harmful. This is also speaking from separation. It's also ego-serving. Feel free to help me expand my ego to integrate what I'm demonizing (all ego is the same as no ego - I'm going the big ego route ).

[Tim R]

I'm having a hard time understanding what exactly you mean. Could you give a concrete example of this?