Psychoanalyzing Myself

[soos_mite_ah]

Starting A New Journal

I've been wanting to start a new journal for several reasons. Firstly, this journal is getting too long and I feel like I need to move for organizational purposes. I want to also have a table of contents section as I did with my previous journal titled "The Joy Journal" prior to closing that journal out. Secondly, I have been journaling in this journal for more than 3 years and I think I have changed a lot as a person to where I want a space where I can start fresh in. And what better time to do that than around New Years. I have been experiencing this degree of healthy cringe towards my older posts, think like back to 2021/2022 since I was in a different place in my life on many levels from cognitively, emotionally, as well as in my life circumstances.

Part of me wishes I could scrub my activity on this website clean so I can start anew since a lot of my posts don't reflect who I am right now. But I'm not going to do that. They still represent my authenticity and what I stand for even though I am more private about a lot of things in my life now and present myself differently vs my posts pre 2023. Instead, I think  having a new journal as a demarcation will be sufficient , 

[soos_mite_ah]

Table of Contents: 

Page 1

• Dealing with Collective Trauma
• Liminal Stages
• Clicking with People and Trying to Make Friends Part 1: Leftists
• Clicking with People and Trying to Make Friends Part 2: High on Openness
• Gen Z Crackhead Humor
• Reflections: July 2020 to March 2021
• Redefining Common Points of Self Improvement
• Feeling Profoundly Stupid
• Being Pushed in a Certain Direction
• Getting Back Into the Flow of Things
• Elements of Doomer Mentality
• Envy, COVID, and Rich Conservative White Kids
• HealthyGamerGG
• Temperature Check Part 1: Spiral Check
• Temperature Check Part 2: Ego Development Check
• Disassociation
• Imposter Syndrome
• Birthday Blues

 

Page 2

• Terrible Boomer Career Advice
• How Do People Even Get Themselves Into These Situations?
• Key Take Aways Part 1
• Key Take Aways Part 2
• Revisiting a Past Version of Myself
• Grounded
• Astrology and the Timing of My Own Life
• 555
• Angel Numbers
• Personal / Professional Boundaries in My Writing
• Healthy relationships Part 1: Common Themes
• Who TF Would I Be Without the Internet

 

Page 3

• The Normalization of Drugs in Adult Life
• Cringing at Yourself in Your Formative Years
• My View of Long Term Goals
• Cringing at Yourself in Your Formative Years 
• The Sad White Girl Trope
• Acknowledging that this Semester was Rough for Me
• Thoughts on Motherhood
• Goals for Next Year: Past Reflections
• Goals for Next Year: Where to Go From Here
• Parasocial Relationships
   

Page 4

• Relational Trauma
• Experiential and Factual Truth
• Autism and Neurodivergence: Unpacking Stereotypes Around Autism
• Autism and Neurodivergence: Neurodivergence =/= Mental Disorder and the Problems with Masking
• Autism and Neurodivergence: Unpacking my Ableism- You Can’t Have Bad Days
• Some Videos I Really Like
• I SHOULD’VE BEEN A WHORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• A Brief Life Update (1/11/22)
• How This Forum Influences My View on Men
• Zyzz
• Healing Your Inner Child

 

Page 5

• Media Consumption Analysis 2021: Life Experience Content?
• Media Consumption Analysis: Commentary Channels / Video Essays
• Media Consumption Analysis: Self Development Channels
• A Brief Life Update Featuring **Mild Depression**
• Mild Depression
• Learning from Old Relationships
• The Hellscape that was the Early 2000s
• My Current Routines
• Taking Stock of My Social Circle
• Who TF Are Y’all Hanging Out With????
• I’m Getting My Hunger Cues Back !!!!

 

Page 6

• Finally Getting Over Myself
• Spiral Check April 2022
• Kardashian Memes I Associate with Sections on this Forum
• The Beginnings of a More Spontaneous soos_mite_ah
• My Main Life Goals
• Random Little Thoughts
• Reflections From This Year 2022
• What Does the Next Chapter of My Life Look Like
• Spiral Check October 2022
• Ego Development Check October 2022

 

Page 7

• List of Fears, Insecurities, and Triggers
• Ego Development Check Pt. 2
• Thoughts on Graduating College
• Luxury Tiktok Compilations
• My First Job Out of College
• Posts I want to think about more
• The Happiness Spectrum
• Fake Growth v. Real Growth
• Surviving Capitalism
• How are Things Going with My New Job
• Coping Under Capitalism Part 1: A Desire for Meaning
• Coping Under Capitalism Part 2: A Grain of Salt
• Thoughts on Having a Kid
• Where do I want to Live

 

Page 8

• Ultimate Guide to Happiness: My Notes Pt. 1
• Ultimate Guide to Happiness: My Notes Pt.2
• Leaning into Boredom
• How Aligned Am I To My Top Values
• My Frugal Relationship with Money 
• Listening to my Inner Teenager 
• Impulsive Intrusive Thoughts 
• Lefty Self Help 
• The Men on this Forum and Why I Stick Around. 
• Some Videos I Liked

 

Page 9

• My Changing Relationship to Writing 
• My Hobbies and Interests Throughout the Years 
• Mass Shootings 
• Secondary PTSD: 
• The Victims 
• Coping
• Healing? 
• That Funny Feeling
• Spiral and Ego Development Check
• Strategist, Construct Aware, and Unitive Stage
• Thinking of my 16 Year Old Self

 

Page 10

• I MOVED OUT OF MY PARENT’S HOUSE!!!
• Thoughts on Moving Out
• A Reflection on My Habits from Earlier This Year
• Things I’ve Figured Out Careerwise
• My Dreams Have Died
• How Aligned Am I To My Top Values
• A More Materialistic Phase in My Life?
• The 2000s
• The Toxicity of the 2010s
• The Toxicity of the 2020s Part 1
• Thoughts on 1 Month Living Alone
• The Toxicity of the 2020s Part 2
• More Thoughts on Motherhood
• Thoughts on Adulthood
• Thoughts on Womanhood
• Aging

 

Page 11

• Self-Infantilization
• 23
• 22
• Palestine
• My Understanding of What is Going On
• Some Spiritual Thoughts
• Materialism
• Boycott Fatigue
• Cynicism and Desensitization
• The Mundane is Anything But
• Emotional Processing Update: Being Okay with Being Okay
• Emotional Processing Update: The Timeline of My Grief Part 1
• Emotional Processing Update: The Timeline of My Grief Part 2
• Thoughts on Advocacy
• Emotional Neglect 
• Proximity to Violence
• The Aesthetic of Womanhood 
• 1 Year Working in my Corporate Job 
• My Trip to the North East

 

Page 12

• My Trip with My Dad
• Things I Want to Discuss in Therapy
• Media Consumption Analysis 2023
• The Dread
• Additional Income
• Looking Back at Past Posts
• Reducing My Media Consumption
• Growing Pains
• Being Happy vs Being Right: Family Matters
• Being Happy vs Being Right: Plastic Surgery
• Romanticizing the Past (Again): 70s – 90s Edition
• But also, the past SUCKS
• My Dream Lifestyle
• My Inner Teenager and Her Bad Habits
• The Ways I Gentle Parent Myself
• An Update on the Dread
• Doomer, Gloomer, Bloomer

 

Page 13

• Some Videos I've Liked: 
• I am not my type and that is ok
• Ramadan 2024
• 3/12/24 5:30 am: Reflections after Day 1 (3/11) 
• 3/13/24 7:04 am: Reflections after Day 2 (3/12)
• 3/14/24 On and off from 6:30 am to 10 am: Reflections after Day 3 (3/13)
• 3/15 1:30 pm: Reflections after Day 4 (3/14)
• 3/16 1 pm: Reflections from Day 5 (3/15)
• 3/17 4:50 pm: Reflections after Day 6 (3/16)
• Lines of Development
• Lines of Development: Where to Grow from Here 
• Not Wanting to Move to Stage Turquoise 
• 3/18 6:05 pm: Reflections After Day 7 (3/17) and Day 8 (3/18)
• 3/20 9:15 pm: Reflections from Day 9 and 10
• 3/21: Day 11 Reflection 11:31 am
• 3/23 1pm : Day 12 Reflection from 3/22
• 3/24: Reflections after Day 13 (3/23) and Day 14 (3/24)
• 3/26 10 pm: Reflections After Day 15 (3/25)

 

Page 14

• 3/26 10pm: Reflections After Day 16 (3/26)
• 3/27 7pm: Reflections after Day 17 (3/27) 
• 4/5 2:15 am: Reflections after Day 18(3/28) through Day 24 (4/4)
• 4/5 2:40 am: Reflections from Day 25 (4/4)
• 4/6 6:40 pm: Reflections from Day 26 (4/5) and Day 27 (4/6)
• 4/8 4:45pm: Reflections from Day 28 (4/7)
• 4/8 11:00pm Reflections from Day 29 (4/8)
• 4/9 4:30 pm: Reflections from Day 30 (4/9)
• The Limitations of Leftist Policies
• A Wealth of Experiences
• Travelling to Every Country
• Places I feel like I don't have the guts to go to 
• A National Park Wedding 
• 3 weeks Post Ramadan
• May 2024 

 

Page 15

• Integrating the Life Purpose Course
• Found a few quote under a youtube video that I liked and wanted to take note of: The Toxic Hedonism of Male Travel Vloggers
• A Little Mid-Year Check In 
• Upper Middle Class 
• Mastery vs the Ordinary
• Material Things that Greatly Helped My Inner Work
• Feeling 17 
• Living in the 1999 Life in 2024 Zeigeist: Experiencing the Neoliberal Dream in Late Stage Capitalism
• How the Passage of Time In Adulthood is Fucking Me Up
• I Feel Stupid for Wanting to Prioritize Platonic Connections
• My Quarter Life Crisis 
• Questions I Want to Contemplate / Answer with My One Month of Travel
• The Election 
• Touching Grass 
• Promotion
• Fame
• Why Everything is an Ad?
• Luxury Travel

 

Page 16

• You Think You Just Fell Out of a Coconut Tree?
• You Can Play with Your Friends After School
• Friendship Breakup
• Money as Freedom
• Post Travel Blues; Anti-Capitalist Angst
• Questions I Want to Contemplate / Answer with My One Month of Travel + Answers So Far
• Election Grief
• Loneliness and Social Media Addiction
• Career Thoughts
• Ambitions as an Anticapitalist
• Cozy Animals
• A Simpler Time
• Positives and Negatives for 2024
• Deconstructing Self Help
• New Experiences While Travelling Part 1: Qatar and India 
• New Experiences While Travelling Part 2: Vietnam and South Korea
• Wah! Luigi!
• Media Consumption Analysis

 

Page 17

• Starting A New Journal 
• Table of Contents

Edited December 25, 2024 by soos_mite_ah

[RendHeaven]

On 12/24/2024 at 9:23 AM, soos_mite_ah said:

so all of this was happening with Fein on full volume.

 

I'm so lit rn reading your journal while looping fein

On 12/23/2024 at 3:08 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Hey @RendHeaven, it's good to hear from you. I hope you're doing well  

Likewise!

On 12/23/2024 at 3:08 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Who is the certain role model btw?

Daniel Schmachtenberger. Probably the only man on this planet right now who makes me think "I wish I were him"

On 12/23/2024 at 3:08 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

I think we're in a very weird ego backlash as a culture where the language of progressiveism is being used to market regressive ideas. 

Unfortunately yes. Humanity cannot afford to developmentally backslide for too much longer before irreversible damage to the collective ecosystem is done (biosphere and social institutions alike).

On 12/25/2024 at 4:21 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

1. Vaush 

Vaush is solid if you can avoid getting sucked into his biases.

I recommend adding Johnny Harris and Daniel Schmachtenberger to your 2025 media intake : )

Edited December 27, 2024 by RendHeaven
Fixed my garbage grammar

[RendHeaven]

You might enjoy this : )

[soos_mite_ah]

On 12/27/2024 at 6:21 AM, RendHeaven said:

Daniel Schmachtenberger. Probably the only man on this planet right now who makes me think "I wish I were him"

On 12/27/2024 at 6:21 AM, RendHeaven said:

I recommend adding Johnny Harris and Daniel Schmachtenberger to your 2025 media intake : )

Sorry for the late ish response. I took some time to watch some of their content. They seem pretty solid. Thanks for the recommendation 

On 12/27/2024 at 6:21 AM, RendHeaven said:

Unfortunately yes. Humanity cannot afford to developmentally backslide for too much longer before irreversible damage to the collective ecosystem is done (biosphere and social institutions alike).

Yeah.. I do think that this is urgent and a problem. I don't mean to minimize that but I think as a collective we have come back from larger back slides and I do have faith for the future in the long run. But short term, it's gonna get worse and a lot messier before it gets better. 

On 12/29/2024 at 7:31 AM, RendHeaven said:

You might enjoy this : )

I appreciate this too. I started watching it and I'm like an hour in. It's gonna take me a minute lol. 

[soos_mite_ah]

AAAAAAND THIS JOURNAL IS OFFICIALLY CLOSED

I don't mind additional comments on here and I will respond but I will be moving my journaling to my new journal. There will be no new journal entries on my part here. 

Here is my new journal: