Would You Date A Trans Male?

[Raptorsin7]

@soos_mite_ah Do you think having a preference that excludes trans people is inherently ttransphobic?

[4201]

7 hours ago, Emerald said:

But if a person has “won’t date trans people” as a hallmark of their named sexual preference, I will probably assume that they’re transphobic just for specifying. 

What if someone cares about fertility because they want children with their own blood?

Sometimes I find it odd how much I care about that while others do not as much. I know you already have kids so it would make sense if this no longer matters to you. But did it ever?

As I'm dating I'm judging how good of a mother my girlfriend would be for my future kids and this is basically what defines my attraction toward her. I'm not interested in adopting nor raising children who aren't my blood. While I could have casual sex with anyone, I find it meaningless if it's not the context of building a true relationship with someone for the sake of building a family.

So for me any trans women or even infertile women is a big no no. I don't think that makes me a transphobe, but perhaps it makes me a slave to Survival.

[Emerald]

33 minutes ago, 4201 said:

What if someone cares about fertility because they want children with their own blood?

Sometimes I find it odd how much I care about that while others do not as much. I know you already have kids so it would make sense if this no longer matters to you. But did it ever?

As I'm dating I'm judging how good of a mother my girlfriend would be for my future kids and this is basically what defines my attraction toward her. I'm not interested in adopting nor raising children who aren't my blood. While I could have casual sex with anyone, I find it meaningless if it's not the context of building a true relationship with someone for the sake of building a family.

So for me any trans women or even infertile women is a big no no. I don't think that makes me a transphobe, but perhaps it makes me a slave to Survival.

I don’t think that’s transphobic because it relates to other factors than them being trans.

My assumption of transphobia would only come if someone was really hellbent on expressing a disinterest in trans-people. It’s not the disinterest in itself because that can come up with regard to factors of compatibility. It’s  just sort of a feeling I get when people go out of their way to express sexual disinterest in trans-people that I’d assume that.

But for me, having more kids with a future partner is also something that I wouldn’t want to take completely off the table until I’m past 35. I probably won’t have any more children. And I’m truly okay if I don’t. But I also wouldn’t want to take the option off the table quite yet.

So, I might also be hesitant to start a relationship with a trans man for that reason. Yet again, dating a trans man or infertile man might save me from the ambivalence and my tendency to toggle between baby fever and the “my womb is retired” mindset. 

Part of me is like “Yeehaw… empty nesting with two adult children at age 43!” The other part of me is like “Awww… babies.” So, I’m going to imagine that my choice in partner would likely nudge me out of my ambivalence in one direction or the other.

[Spiral]

Not female however I don’t mind having sexual interactions with trans girls if they have the genitalia I’m looking for.  
 

I don’t even have to worry about pregnancy.

Edited September 2, 2021 by Spiral

[soos_mite_ah]

23 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@soos_mite_ah Do you think having a preference that excludes trans people is inherently ttransphobic?

No, I think it's fine to have a genital preference. It's pretty biological imo. I'm not obligated to be attracted to people. That isn't a violation of human rights. 

Just as long as you don't treat transpeople as subhuman and get grossed out at the idea of being with someone who is trans, or judge people who are open to dating trans people, I think you're good. 

[Etherial Cat]

Before anything, what I am thinking is that I'm not keen on dealing with the stigma, social harassment and diverse obstacles that would inevitably fall upon me/us if I were to date a trans male. 

I think in another cultural context I would not make differences, but dealing with another layer of bullshit because of drifting further from social standards would be exhausting to me. For this reason, I prefer cis gender individuals and I would really need to flash on someone happening to be trans to go for it.

But I think I could be attracted to a trans male. I haven't met many of them IRL so it's hard to tell but I know a girl dating one and having seen some picture, her boyfriend looks cute to me which proves the attraction threshold could kinda be kinda reached.

Edited September 3, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Raptorsin7]

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

No, I think it's fine to have a genital preference. It's pretty biological imo. I'm not obligated to be attracted to people. That isn't a violation of human rights. 

Just as long as you don't treat transpeople as subhuman and get grossed out at the idea of being with someone who is trans, or judge people who are open to dating trans people, I think you're good. 

I'm more just trying to understand what people consider transphobic compared to what people think is acceptable.

Clearly if people have a preference against transwomen/transmen theres some baseline lack of acceptance compared to natural men/woman.

I think this entire trans movement is born out of people deeply misunderstanding their own suffering and identity. But I still think trans people don't deserve persecution or hatred 

[Raptorsin7]

2 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Before anything, what I am thinking is that I'm not keen on dealing with the stigma, social harassment and diverse obstacles that would inevitably fall upon me/us if I were to date a trans male. 

I think in another cultural context I would not make differences, but dealing with another layer of bullshit because of drifting further from social standards would be exhausting to me. For this reason, I prefer cis gender individuals and I would really need to flash on someone happening to be trans to go for it.

But I think I could be attracted to a trans male. I haven't met many of them IRL so it's hard to tell but I know a girl dating one and having seen some picture, her boyfriend looks cute to me which proves the attraction threshold is reached.

The first part of your post is why I look sideways at any parents who are eager to facilitate the transition process on their children.

You are basically dooming your child to social ridicule based on your own need to be morally consistent and woke 

[Etherial Cat]

4 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

The first part of your post is why I look sideways at any parents who are eager to facilitate the transition process on their children.

You are basically dooming your child to social ridicule based on your own need to be morally consistent and woke 

It is a difficult choice, but I think parents are right to leave space for children with a clear and consistant gender dysphoria to transition.

The social stigma issue by itself is not enough of a reason to go against your child's authenticity. Denying someone who feels bad in their gender to be trans can be of far greater damage than just worrying about the social ridicule and oppression they will face. Transitioning early, especially for male born transgender, can help them pass tremendously better by inhibiting the development of masculine features. So it is a very though balance of interest.

Also, the social ridicule stem from society's problem with transphobia and the general lack of understanding behind the phenomenon. The trans person has nothing to do with it.

I'm more thinking that if I can avoid the whole situation, I'm happy. Being trans in nowadays society is a heavy experience to have.

 

[Raptorsin7]

14 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

It is a difficult choice, but I think parents are right to leave space for children with a clear and consistant gender dysphoria to transition.

The social stigma issue by itself is not enough of a reason to go against your child's authenticity. Denying someone who feels bad in their gender to be trans can be of far greater damage than just worrying about the social ridicule and oppression they will face. Transitioning early, especially for male born transgender, can help them pass tremendously better by inhibiting the development of masculine features. So it is a very though balance of interest.

Also, the social ridicule stem from society's problem with transphobia and the general lack of understanding behind the phenomenon. The trans person has nothing to do with it.

I'm more thinking that if I can avoid the whole situation, I'm happy. Being trans in nowadays society is a heavy experience to have.

 

What I don't understand is why people feel the need to adjust their appearance with hormones/surgery if they believe they are the opposite gender?

I will buy into your perspective when I see someone who knows the truth of who they are, integrates the understanding emotionally, and then chooses to transition.

Until then I'm keeping a safe distance from this enterprise like I would if I lived through abrahamic times and people were sacraficing kids to appease god

Edited September 3, 2021 by Raptorsin7

[Etherial Cat]

11 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

What I don't understand is why people feel the need to adjust their appearance with hormones/surgery if they believe they are the opposite gender?

Because they want to live their life as the other gender, and for that they need to pass. 

15 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I will buy into your perspective when I see someone who knows the truth of who they are, integrates the understanding emotionally, and then chooses to transition.

What do you mean here?

Knowing their truth of who they are, as such as being infinite consciousness itself?

[Raptorsin7]

1 minute ago, Etherial Cat said:

What do you mean here?

Knowing their truth of who they are, as such as being infinite consciousness itself?

I think that transgender people are transitioning because they are unhappy/suffering and they think that transitioning will solve their existential issues.

The true answer to existential suffering is understand the nature of who you are/the knowing but I bet 99.9% of people who have a position on transgenders don't actually understand this experientially. 

So show me a person who understands who they are at their essence, has that understanding impact their emotional range/maturity, and then choose to transition and I will change my position that it's normal/healthy to transition kids etc. Basically show me a happy healthy person who then chooses to transition

[Etherial Cat]

6 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I think that transgender people are transitioning because they are unhappy/suffering and they think that transitioning will solve their existential issues.

This is not correct. Transgender are not expecting that transitioning will solve any of their existential issues.

What they are looking for is to circumvent thick social biases and gender norms going at odd with what they subjectively experiment.

17 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

The true answer to existential suffering is understand the nature of who you are/the knowing 

This way of thinking is a form of spiritual bypassing. Knowing your essence doesn't free you from tangible social limitations, degrading your life's quality on a daily basis. 

24 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

So show me a person who understands who they are at their essence, has that understanding impact their emotional range/maturity, and then choose to transition and I will change my position that it's normal/healthy to transition kids etc. Basically show me a happy healthy person who then chooses to transition

Suffering from gender dysphoria and being stigmatized hardly make people "happy and healthy" in general. 

The transition is coming from a place of discomfort in one's birth gender. It just causes a lot of emotional distress and confusion.

 

[Raptorsin7]

@Etherial Cat We can agree to disagree.

[Etherial Cat]

20 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Etherial Cat We can agree to disagree.

Be honest with yourself and question whether you've spent enough time listening to trans people.

The points you are bringing are typical of those who haven't integrated the reality behind being LGBTQ but are certain they are criticizing it from above, dismissing it as mere Green delusional bullshit.

Contrapoints also has great videos on the subject

https://www.youtube.com/c/ContraPoints/videos

Edited September 3, 2021 by Etherial Cat

[Raptorsin7]

@Etherial Cat Meh I call bs. I could be wrong, given the path i'm on the truth will come to light at some point.

[Etherial Cat]

1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Etherial Cat Meh I call bs. I could be wrong, given the path i'm on the truth will come to light at some point.

 Hehe.

[Raptorsin7]

4 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

 the reason for the unhappiness is because they feel they are in the wrong body.  Even ones who had a good upbringing still feel this way..

That's not the reason for their unhappiness. They are unhappy because they reject parts of themselves and their experience, and they don't understand the true source of happiness in life.

5 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

if you feel since you were born that you were another soul trapped in another body, of course you would feel depressed and confused. 

Well I am a soul trapped in a body haha, but the life long depression has been from not understanding the relationship between me, awareness, and love. I could blame my unhappiness on a bunch of things and go around seeking ways to fix it, in my view transitioning, hormone therapy etc is just another false door that people think will make them happy.

8 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

If you are against the idea of young people transitioning, what is your position on older people transitioning? Is that more acceptable because they should know better what they want or do you think they are still just as confused and unhappy? 

I think if parents let their child transition it would be similar as letting a child get a tatoo, or decide on their own diet etc. I basically just view as parenting malpractice, but I am not against it in the sense I think it should be illegal. I just think it's not a wise move. But most human behavior is a bad move by my lights haha.

11 minutes ago, Tangerinedream said:

At least if it’s done at a younger age they don’t have to suppress themselves for a life time. 

But what if they change their mind? It's possible for a person to believe they are transgender at 11, but then for them to change their view when they are 16. 

I think there's a greater downside to transitioning young then as you age.

This is a comment from Leo's video on gender, in response to another comment by a transgender woman claiming to have had the happiest years of her life since transitioning.

Lovely. I was a trans woman, but my openness lead me to turn away from it and embrace that i am not binary, not either or. However, doing so has lead others to place me in their boxes of binary "man" or "woman", which is part of the consequences of my identity. I'm curious if you contemplated drtaching yourself from the trans woman label as I did, and if so what made you keep it and continue to participate in the game from that perspective?

By my lights, this is what will happen to transgender people as they grow and integrate.

[blackchair]

i need a penis, be it on woman or man, i don't care....#shallow....