Looking for Advice: To school or not to school.

[Matt23]

It's funny cuz I've given advice on this very same topic.  Oh how the tables have turned... and how different it on when you're on the other side  

Anyways... I'd like your thoughts and advice on going back to school this semester to finish off a 2-year diploma in psychology.

Facts

• I have money given to me for school.  I can spend it as I wish. 
• I need to finish 4 courses to get a 2-year diploma in psychology, so I was planning on taking the 4 courses, not working, and spending basically all the money on school and living expenses to go full-time.
• 3 out of the 4 classes I've picked are online. 

Pros

• I get a diploma in psychology for my resume. 
• I get education.
• I don't have to work while doing school (though this could be the case either way I suppose). 
• I get experience and maybe it will help me with a direction in life.

Cons

• From the sounds of it, a diploma in psychology won't go far in terms of getting a job or work from it.
• I don't think psychology is necessarily what I want to do.  I've been feeling more excitement about doing practical things, like permaculture.
• I could use this money towards other school and certificates that A) might align way better with my values, and B) might be more practical in terms of jobs etc..
• I think the education isn't superb, and I could get an equivalent or, I think, probably better education on my own.

Options

• Go to school.
• Don't go to school, get a job and gain experiences that way.  Then spend the money on schooling when I have a better idea about what I want to do.
• Don't go to school, get a job, but finish the program little bits at a time; like 1 course a semester over the long-term.

 

What do you guys think?

Edited September 1, 2021 by Matt23

[Nobody_Here]

You have 4 classes left. That shouldn't take long at all. Finish and get your diploma. Psychology may not help you get the best job, but it will help you understand people in a variety of contexts, anywhere you go. Permaculture provides much more limited opportunities for use. 

[Matt23]

2 hours ago, Nobody_Here said:

You have 4 classes left. That shouldn't take long at all. Finish and get your diploma. Psychology may not help you get the best job, but it will help you understand people in a variety of contexts, anywhere you go. Permaculture provides much more limited opportunities for use. 

It's just that I received a lot of money for education, whatever education I want, and I think/feel that it could maybe go towards something more helpful.

I think this is the main issue for me.

Edited September 1, 2021 by Matt23

[Nobody_Here]

Do you have enough money to start over with something that would be a good return on your investment?

[Thought Art]

8 hours ago, Matt23 said:

It's just that I received a lot of money for education, whatever education I want, and I think/feel that it could maybe go towards something more helpful.

I think this is the main issue for me.

Why not finish you psychology degree while working, and then go into permaculture studies full time in a year or so

[Hello from Russia]

Why psychology degree?

[Matt23]

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

Why not finish you psychology degree while working, and then go into permaculture studies full time in a year or so

I guess cuz doing school with work will probably be too much for me.  I struggle quite a bit with the mental health stuff.  Also, I dunno, I guess it's just like why do it if I save the money?  I also do sentence completions as a way to figure out decisions, so I'll write something like "The wisest thing to do with school is to...", and then I'll write 6-10 responses to that really fast.  Most point to not doing school this semester.  I dunno.  

2 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

Why psychology degree?

I did the life purpose course a few years ago and the vision I created was of running a retreat-like center.  So doing things like spirituality and psychological healing.  

Though, I dunno if that totally does the trick for me in terms of passion.  I'm questioning that at the moment. 

[Thought Art]

Did you run the numbers? If you got a lot for education maybe you can do both. 

[Matt23]

49 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Did you run the numbers? If you got a lot for education maybe you can do both. 

Mmmm I don't think so.  I'll be pretty much out of that money if I do school.

[Matt23]

Welp... I dropped out.  

Let's see what happens  

Man.  Part of me feels fine, ok, a bit happy perhaps (or maybe excited).  This was the courageous choice, if that makes up for any foolishness or 'negatives' that come from this.  

It felt like I had to diffuse a bomb and I didn't know what wire to cut.  I literally pulled out with 15 seconds to spare. haha.  ... I hope it goes through  

Anyhoo, it was the courageous choice.  I also did the exercise of imagining this choice from my deathbed.  Doing school felt like 'ok', maybe a bit of regret, but nothing too bad.  Not doing school I got a smile on my face and felt a bit of warmth.  Nothing drastic either way.  I suppose this swayed me a bit. 

This whole thing really makes me question the decision-making process and if we even make decisions or not.  Like, was all this emotional hype, contemplation, trying to figure things out, weighing one choice against the other, really just a bunch of dressing on an already made decision?  Or is it useful and wise to do all this stuff?  I mean practically speaking, I'd say ya, it's probably good to weigh all this stuff.  But in the end, ultimately, I dunno, maybe it doesn't matter and that ya, maybe it really is just 'a decision is made' and it had nothing to do with all the other stuff.  I dunno.

What now I suppose...  ?

This whole process also makes me think of the Buddhist story (I think Buddhist) of the man who kept on having all these good and bad things happen to him, and the villagers would come to him each time and either say "Oh! How wonderful this happened to you!", or "Oh! How terrible this happened to you!".  All he would say is "We'll see."    I like that story.  

This also makes me think of the whole notion of preference, bias, and judgment.  I spoke with Nahm the other day to get some guidance and clarity about what choice to make.  A point he made is that you can't make a wrong decision.  Reality is perfect as is, it's only our judgements of it that make it "bad" or "Good", regretful or joyful, etc..  He also mentioned how it takes practice (I think he mentioned that), which makes sense to me since, ya, if I did go to school and felt really regretful of it, I don't think I could easily just be ok with that since my awareness isn't high enough yet to let it go, even if in truth reality is always perfect etc..  Nahm also mentioned something I liked, which goes something like "Who are we to think we know what's best and not?"  ---- Thanks again Nahm ... I think that last session bumped you up to 5 stars  

• This makes me think of how, even though reality may be a certain way, that doesn't mean individuals in that reality are aware enough to see it, and thus need to strengthen and grow themselves up to seeing it.  
  • This has a further implication, which I think links it with wisdom, in that, if the previous statement is true (which I think it is somewhat), then the wisdom you give to people not yet awake and then wisdom you give yourself if not awake, "ought" to be different than that given to people who are awake.  Since they are two completely different beasts.  One is ok no matter what, so hey, what's the big deal or worry?  But the other, if they loose all their money and house they will most likely be devastated.
    • I suppose basically = relative vs. absolute truths.  With absolute truths not being a prescription for the relative domain

Plus, I don't even know if this was such a huge decision.  If it wasn't, I'm only held back a handful of months before I can re-enroll and finish the program.  In the meantime, I can spend more time figuring out if there's better options to spend the school money on.  Maybe a permaculture course, different therapy certificates, maybe a transpersonal psychology course? 

Infinite possibilities.... makes for a hell of a time making any goddamn decisions!  

Anyways.  Wish me luck, feel free to let me know your thoughts.  I realize how the perspective from an outsider looking in can be a lot different than me looking out, so to speak.  

Edited September 7, 2021 by Matt23

[Matt23]

Ima just treat this like a blog to "air" my thoughts.  Maybe starting one would be nice in the journal section.  I dunno. 

But anyways, just kind of processing emotions and thoughts at the moment.  Definitely nothing to huge, just a few observations.

• I guess firstly I'm starting to see the self-doubt come in.  "Oh no! What are you going to do now?! What about your future and getting a solid life happening?!" etc, etc,.  I mean, I guess I think that the worry part is probably not too accurate since there's literally job shortages everywhere right now.  So keeping this body alive ain't probably gunna be a huge issue.  
• BUT, the other thoughts that followed seemed legit (they seemed reasonable and coming less from a place of fear... though maybe still some fear in there).  They were things like "I don't want to just be a wage-slave my entire life. I want to actually have a career and build a good life.  An excellent life."  Then some thoughts of "Oh... maybe I would like to finish this program."
  • Now, I don't necessarily regret too much making the decision I made, as I do think there's value in making a choice and then realizing you want different.  In this case in particular, I see my actions as perhaps more justified as I made the courageous choice, I thought about it, I asked others' opinions about it, and at least now I maybe have a better idea of what I actually want, rather than just making the choice from more fear like before.  

[Matt23]

More processing:

 

Went for a walk.  Saw the lights of the city down below and thought "I'm getting tired of this shit." haha. ugh.  Ya. 

I think I'm realizing that I don't want to lead a life of so much stress and stuff anymore.  I want more certainty.  More reliability.  Less hecticness.  More stability.  Less fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of stuff.  I dunno if this is a wise mindset to have, or if I'm coming from conditioning and fear.  But it's occurring to me for sure. 

On the walk I also had a sense that I'm not being responsible enough with my life.  I know I've heard how responsibility is an illusion, and hey, maybe it is.  But I'm simply reporting what I'm feeling.  It's like this sense of just not taking the proper steps to get ahead in life.  Like maybe doing all this spiritual stuff (in the more "just go with it" kind of approach) isn't really doing it for me right now.  This connects with the previous point about me just being tired of living the kind of life I've been living; little stability (financially, relationally, where I live, emotionally, etc.), and ya.  I can sense some fear in the feeling of not taking responsibility.  Perhaps like I won't create the life I want and continue to live, well, not how I want; no solid career, financial worries, being able to afford my own place and just live comfortably, etc..  

Maybe I am and have been living childishly.  I duno.  On the other hand, I can see how these types of judgements and fears could simply be coming from cultural conditioning.  Like "Smarten up!".  Which, hey, may be fucking reasonable advice, I dunno.  

I think my pendulum is swinging towards less erraticism and more stability though.  This thought has also occurred to me recently, unconnected with these most recent events.  

Also, now I kind of feel like I have to "hunker down" and keep on the straight n' narrow.  This feels fear based.  But also, maybe there's some wisdom in that.  I want to enjoy the process though, and not have it be such a "do-or-die" feeling thing.  This sense of "getting my shit together" kind of feels unenjoyable.  Like, I dunno, I'm thinking maybe there's a way to yes, get my shit together, yet still feel positive and light doing it.  So that it's not this big thing.  Though, maybe this "hunker down" thing is helpful for my growth.  

Edited September 7, 2021 by Matt23

[Rinne]

@Matt23 a diploma is always bettr thn no diploma. ur almost done. i would jus finish it 

[Matt23]

Ya, I think I'm gunna see if I can rescind my drop-out, or complete it next semester.  

[Tefikos]

@Matt23

 

Yeh, sometimes it even might be good to drop useful, but not important stuff. It creates value for more important things.

Have done this multiple times and even though in the beginning after dropping them/low points in life I questioned the hell out of my decision in a reget mode, they have turned out to be the right decisions.

Ego just wants to preserve comfort over jumping into the unknowingness of new paths on life. Trust in intuition builds luckily over time?

[Matt23]

@Tefikos Fair.  I just got back into some courses, so I think I'm just gunna roll with it and do it.  

I definitely was feeling the self-doubt come into play fosho haha.  Maybe I should've stuck with the decision.  I dunno.  Who the hell knows eh?  Maybe by going to school I'm averting some catastrophe I have no idea about, or vice versa.  

 

Edited September 7, 2021 by Matt23