Need Some Advice

[Guest SC GM]

Not sure where the appropriate place would be to post this question. But I would like some insight from others regarding this issue I'm facing. 

My dad passed away from cancer last Friday and I'm flying back home for his funeral. My mom is all alone now and as much as I want to stay with her for a week I'm not sure if I can handle the situation at home. The alternative is that I stay at a nearby hotel. At home I would need to either sleep in my dad's bed or on the couch. Two problems here, sleeping in his bed is an emotional hurdle, sleeping on the couch means I have to inhale my mom's cigarette smoke. It is bad enough that she continued smoking while my dad was ill and personally I despite the smoke. The question that raises is: Shall I forget my personal needs, all of my ego, and just be there for my mother no matter what, or is it important to stick to my personal values? If there is no right and wrong, being of service to my mother would be more important, or?

One would think it is such an easy decision, but for some reason I feel overwhelmed. 

 

Edited December 6, 2016 by nemonissa

[Arman]

It is not wrong to stick to ones personal values. Though it sounds to me like this is less about sticking to your values and more about using smaller arbitrary things as an excuse not to face something that is going to be uncomfortable. I think you know which option is the high road to take but you're hoping we excuse the other. 

To be blunt about the cigarette smoke: Big deal unless you're asthmatic or something, and even then you could probably make it work. Is it more important than being there for your mum? From what you've said on paper, yeah I think it's better to be with her in this time. I certainly don't expect you to sleep in his bed... No doubt it will probably be strenuous, but if you want to know if it is the more courageous and loving option; you know the answer is yes. 
 

That being said, that's all easy for me to say, as I'm not in your position nor do I know the grief you're going through. I fail to make courageous choices all the time. Life goes on, I guess. If you don't stay with her then at least forgive yourself and be OK with doing that. Let her know it's hard for you and be with her when it is tolerable to do so. 

Wishing you strength and love. 

[Shin]

The right thing to do is the most emotionally difficult one.