Daygme techniques making me anxious and not in state

[Javfly33]

So today and yesterday i started going out with a daygame noob and we just Dont have the balls yet to do Direct approaches so we just do approaches even though they are just asking the time, directions, compliment Style, etc.

I was Able to redirect the first day a couple of approaches to asking number tho', and my wing was able to get a number today just because i asked the time to a Girl It was behind us and she just kept talking. 

so this cold approaches are not that useless even tho they are not that effective as Direct ones. But you still waste a lot of opportunities. Lots of Hot Girls that you just Ask where the damn Starbucks is for the 10th time and you let her go away 90%.

I think an issue with this is that i am not Able to do Direct approaches because Im not relaxed enough, today we put cronometer, each of one we have 3 minutes to approach, one its finish its the other Who has to approach. And repeat.

 

Problem i have with this technique:

- It makes you anxious to approach

-it makes you approach lots of times Girls you Dont feel It that much But because "you have to" you just approach her and Ask for a shitty direction again.

 

In the other Hand It is a good technique in the sense that makes you move, today It was the day both me and him approached the most. However i was not Happy with the result at all.

 

In Summary:

 1). What do you think of this BS of avoiding Direct approaches? Its normal since we are newbies and its better to approach than doing nothing, or we are just avoiding the real work?

2). Is this technique good since It provides "results" or its a flaud technique since It does make you mechanic and (particularly for me) not in a fun mood But just robotic 

[Leo Gura]

Stop being a pussy and just do direct approach.

You are making too big a deal out of it.

[Javfly33]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop being a pussy and just do direct approach.

You are making too big a deal out of it.

I thought warming up would make Direct approaches easier, It does put you in higher state, But i end Up not really doing them totally.

Lots of time in the past that i just went out and talked to nobody, so i thought at least do indirect ones. But It seems we are wasting time.

Did you start just with Direct approach from the first time?

[JonasVE12]

For me it went a lot easier after I took LSD in public and approached women while on it. You allow yourself to feel vulnerable on it much easier. I literally went up to groups of women and said I would have sex with them as the first words that came out of my mouth. You can't be more direct. Before the LSD it was much more difficult. After the trip, my ego identity came back for the most part, but I realised what had to be done and that's just to push through the resistance, feel your body, relax into it and learn to love rejection. 

The indirect stops are good though, they will remove the resistance to stopping the woman. It will make it much easier in the end to approach directly because in your mind you are already inprinting the belief that it's ok to stop women. You are already stepping into the tension. That's something good.

Maybe if it is easier for you, find women who are sitting down, make eye contact, smile, and notice if they are receptive (smiling back), and then approach with 'I think you look beautiful and wanted to say hi' with a giving energy.

[SLuxy]

Or.....

Be smart about it.

Reduce your levels on stress. Do a round of progressive muscle relaxation before you head out.

[Eren Eeager]

@Leo Gura Why are guys terrified from talking to girls? Is there any evolutionary explanation behind?

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

Lots of time in the past that i just went out and talked to nobody, so i thought at least do indirect ones. But It seems we are wasting time.

Did you start just with Direct approach from the first time?

Sometimes I would just scout around at first. But eventually I got a decent wingman and it was just our attitude to approach. I never bothered with indirect.

It's not so hard. Your first few approaches will be aweful. Just keep at it.

It helps to have an experienced wing, not some noob, who can demo a solid approach for you. Or at least watch some videos of how to do a solid daytime approach.

Stop expecting anything good without practice. You haven't even done 1 approach and you are already complaining. Do 100, then complain.

[charlie cho]

@Leo Gura how the hell did you do 100 approaches in the day Lol. At night, I understand, but the day? haha

[charlie cho]

@Javfly33 I had this problem at first. Not that I did 100. No. I probably did 14 times in the day. probably over 100 at night clubs. 

David Deangelo talked about this and I realized I haven't implemented this basic fact that it a relationship starts with eye contact.

Eye contact, talking with each other, hand to arms, hand to hand, hand to waist, hugging .... sequentially it goes.

I just approached these women without having direct eye contact at first and many of them were surprised.

You wanna make her feel calm. 

With direct eye contact, show that you are not scared to talk to anyone and with your eyes show as if you are about to talk to her any second. I think she'll be more receptive after seeing your eyes. As long as you ain't trying to hurt anybody, she'll see that you aren't a psycho and won't be too scared when you approach 'em. 

If you directly approach without her looking at your eyes, she'll be fidgety, especially when it is on the streets, cafes, trainstations... etc 

At least, this is what I imagine I'll do in your situation. Recent outburst in Covid in Korea, I've kinda stopped approaching, and with the masks I stopped. But if they weren't obstacles, I would do as I have listed above. 

Edited September 1, 2021 by charlie cho

[diamondpenguin]

@Javfly33 sounds like you're doing the practice that's required. Keep at it!

[hamedsf]

“It's supposed to be hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it.” (oh yeah! ?)

[Leo Gura]

7 hours ago, charlie cho said:

@Leo Gura how the hell did you do 100 approaches in the day Lol. At night, I understand, but the day? haha

Obviously not in one day nor one week.

100 daytime approaches should take you months to complete.

I would usually do 2-5 daytime approaches per outing within about 2-3 hours. And that was at a busy mall with 100s of women walking around. I was very selective during the day. The less picky you are the easier it will be. But I would only approach like top 2%-5% of women.

[Joel3102]

If you wanna know what level of approaching is possible, check out this guy who approaches non-stop in massively populated Japan

Literally 300-400 approaches in one day....

Edited September 1, 2021 by Joel3102

[mamad]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@Leo GuraI would usually do 2-5 daytime approaches per outing within about 2-3 hours. And that was at a busy mall with 100s of women walking around. I was very selective during the day. The less picky you are the easier it will be. But I would only approach like top 2%-5% of women.

how much does it take between choosing the person and initiating the conversation?

I followed 3 second rule but I faced challenges . there were situations that the girl was with her bf/husband and I approached and the boy became aggressive and some conflict happened. now a day I take 5 minutes to watching her and make sure she has no partner with her which is so time consuming.

[Kalki Avatar]

@Javfly33 Approach people in stores always first to warm up and get you in the mood. There you build momentum and confidence to get in a state to approach strangers. 

You have to be careful with approaching. It can fck up your self esteem if you do it wrong and blindly. Whatever you feel, the other will feel. 

Is not normal to force yourself into approaching if its not common so it will feel weird at first. Thats why you have to build up slowly that perception in your psyche. 

Only at first you might need courage. Then approaching strangers should be something so normal you dont even think about it. 

Also, you get anxious because you are expecting something from the other. Which means you are lackung security (confidence) in some area of your thought process. Remember that if you approach her with confidence you dont even have to talk much. Your personality, aura, physique, style, tonality, body language, eye contact, timing, state, etc. Is being communicated. All of that is doing more work subconaciously than what you say. But to realize this, you might need to see it for yourself first. Specially if you dont have a strong sense of identity as your subconscious structure does the work automatically for you. See, when you approach a girl thinking stuff and calculating it, you are putting your awareness inside your head instead of just the outside to read the social situation and her. Your subconscious is the one that should do the calculations to help you, not you consciously planning. Learn how to work with your subconscious. 

Edited September 1, 2021 by Kalki Avatar

[AdamR95]

2 hours ago, Kalki Avatar said:

Your subconscious is the one that should do the calculations to help you, not you consciously planning. Learn how to work with your subconscious. 

@Kalki Avatar this will apply after you gain some experiences. Before that you have to think about what you say because your brain isnt prepare for such situations. After you gain some experiences then you can be more relaxed and let the speaking happen naturally. 

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, mamad said:

how much does it take between choosing the person and initiating the conversation?

I followed 3 second rule but I faced challenges . there were situations that the girl was with her bf/husband and I approached and the boy became aggressive and some conflict happened. now a day I take 5 minutes to watching her and make sure she has no partner with her which is so time consuming.

Why the hell are you approaching a girl when she has a bf/husband?

<insert Picard face palm>

It's very obvious when the girl is walking alone.

You def need to time your approach properly. Don't just approach like a bumbling fool.

[johnlocke18]

@Leo Gura Hold on there. A few months for a hundred approaches? I could do 10 in a day with severe social anxiety and got 3 numbers on average out of those. Saying it takes months do do little things or that it takes hundreds of approaches to get laid is holding back people big time. Sure, you may have struggled that much but I feel like you’re getting this off rsd from what they told you.The the more people struggle the more money their company gets so I don’t think it’s a good idea to put their expectations on people. They may get laid but the way they go about it overcomplicates things and some of their mindsets cause dudes to come off as creepy. I tested a lot of their stuff and it’s way better to just make friends that get laid a lot naturally instead of over complicating things. You might say that they can’t explain it, but that’s a good thing because this theorizing is causing dudes unnecessary struggle. 

Edited September 1, 2021 by johnlocke18

[johnlocke18]

@Javfly33 Don’t overthink things man or let people you don’t know tell you how it is. Find out yourself or make friends with people that you know get laid. 

[johnlocke18]

@Leo Gura Unless you meant if they only do it once a week? Still it should only take them a few weeks to do a hundred and if they aren’t hesitating they can easily do 20 in a day. And personally I think you should tell noobs to approach with friends. Even if you do good, going out alone will  make make most women suspicious of why you’re talking to them.