Creep harassed me on the street, in the middle of the day

[somegirl]

I was walking down the street in the middle of the day, and at the time there weren't many people in that street (just me and this piece of shit) and he was walking behind me.  

At one point I felt something was wrong because he was approaching me closer and closer until he finally decided to make sexual suggestion to me (he asked if he can ******** on me) you can guess what. And proceeded to moan like a fucking donkey that he is. I told him to get away from me, cursed at him and told him that I'm calling the cops and reached my phone so he can see I'm calling the cops. (I didn't freaking call the cops because I forgot to take a picture of him as evidence to the police) He didn't say anything after that, and he took a turn to different direction. 

I am a bit distressed and feeling shocked because this has never happened to me. I feel bad because I don't have enough evidence for the police to find him and plus I don't even know if he can be arrested because he didn't technically do anything physical to me, he just made sexual remark/verbally harassed me on the street. Though I was ready to fucking punch him, had he gone more closer to me, though do you think it would be wise if I did? (Considering he is a guy) 

How do I cope with these situations if they happen in the future? How do I prevent this from happening again? How can I defend myself? 

I think I will carry pepper spray with me from now on. 

Edited August 31, 2021 by somegirl

[Thought Art]

I think there must be online resources for this. Women have dealt with these morons for centuries. This is a skillset, of both self defense and being able to relax and restore equilibrium after these situations. It sounds like you did the right thing. I hope you can use this situation to becoming wiser on the streets and to stay safe!

much love

[Thought Art]

Be a cold, disgusting, bitch to them. Don't even let them close to you. Give them 0 satisfaction. Call the police. Ensure you are keeping your distance. Spray if necessary, or scream, or use an assault alarm.You are not playing games. Hold your ground and be an unmovable object. You have total power here, you protect yourself, move on.

There are courses you can take for self defence and street safety.

Also, note that that is the first time it happened so, it is probably wont happen very often. This is a good lesson you should use to grow stronger, not to live in fear.

Do not live in fear of these morons.

Edited August 31, 2021 by Thought Art

[mandyjw]

Right now, self care, get your mind off it. Do something fun and relaxing. Make decisions about pepper spray later when you're feeling better. 

Also realize fully, in no way was it your fault. It's not your fault you're a woman. It's not your fault you're attractive. It's not your fault you didn't do anything differently. Not. Your. Fault. I know you realize this intellectually, but, sometimes we still find a way to fault ourselves. Not. Your. Fault. 

Go do something fun. 

Edited August 31, 2021 by mandyjw

[somegirl]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I hope you can use this situation to becoming wiser on the streets and to stay safe!

@Thought Art  I will look up some online resources. I definitely will take precautions, I unfortunately thought that I didn't need to.

 

28 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Be a cold, disgusting, bitch to them. Don't even let them close to you. Give them 0 satisfaction. Call the police. Ensure you are keeping your distance. Spray if necessary, or scream, or use an assault alarm.You are not playing games. Hold your ground and be an unmovable object. You have total power here, you protect yourself, move on.

Also, note that that is the first time it happened so, it is probably wont happen very often. This is a good lesson you should use to grow stronger, not to live in fear.

Do not live in fear of these morons.

This was very helpful and encouraging  to read, thank you. I for sure won't let anyone make me live in fear. I will just avoid these streets when there are not many people, even during the day. 
 

51 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Yeah, that's a better option. Definitely do not punch, it's not gonna end well for you.

@Knowledge Hoarder There was a case I heard long ago about the guy who raped girls in elevators and cops couldn't catch him. Though one day, one woman was coming back from work and was all grumpy and on edge. When she got into elevator and a guy tried to do something to her, she got super angry and started to punch him so hard that HE called the cops lol.
I don't know, I just remembered it now and found that story fascinating. I think guys who do this are weak/unhappy souls so this kind of approach is sometimes wise. Though one needs to estimate the situation in split of seconds which is hard when you're also feeling shocked and taken aback on top of that.
 

Edited August 31, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

17 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Right now, self care, get your mind off it. Do something fun and relaxing. Make decisions about pepper spray later when you're feeling better. 

Also realize fully, in no way was it your fault. It's not your fault you're a woman. It's not your fault you're attractive. It's not your fault you didn't do anything differently. Not. Your. Fault. I know you realize this intellectually, but, sometimes we still find a way to fault ourselves. Not. Your. Fault. 

Go do something fun. 

Thanks. It didn't cross my mind that it was my fault, to be honest. I was just distressed that stories I've been hearing from other girls is finally happening to me, which I thought I wouldn't ever need to deal with (I might be foolish for thinking this way). I was sad that he felt so comfortable to do that and not fear if someone will catch him. That's why I almost for real called the cops because I didn't want him to think that he can get away with this (because he probably thinks he can, I am sure). I just need to relax first.

[mandyjw]

@somegirl Good. ❤

[somegirl]

I just don't know how these harassers/morons operate .I don't know what triggers them to run away from me in fear. Should I have threaten him to call the cops/beat him up with a bag/make sarcastic and degrading comment about his dick/stay quiet. 

[mandyjw]

@somegirl More often than not it's alcohol, drugs or mental illness. 

[Thought Art]

@somegirl This is research to do. This is a domain of mastery, or skillset that women likely have made a career in teaching others.

I think you more or less just keep walking at a fast pace, keep your distance and threaten to call the police, use your other tools..

[somegirl]

I've read a bit how others deal with it.
Sometimes ignoring them will escalate the behaviour.
But this comment seemed interesting to me lol:
 

"If they touch me i slap them and make a scene. If it's cat calling i usually ignore them, if it's intimidation and can't get away i put the keys between my knuckles and bring the phone up to my ear and start describing them and give the address like i've called 911.

The best method that i've used when i was in danger was to out crazy them. I read a story on reddit a long time ago about a girl who acted crazy against a guy stalking her home, well once when i was got off my bus stop a man stood between me and my car and was giving me that "stare" gross men give girls. I was scared because it was at night alone and he was being sexually aggressive. When he started telling me things i knew he was the type to do something so for some reason i remembered that girls story and put on my best creepy grin face. Like an exaggerated smile with wide eyes. I turned my head slightly side ways and made my hands in a claw position and made my legs a little bent. I couldn't remember what the girl in story said but i just told him "i can't wait chew on your skin" in an exaggerated low pitch loud voice. he freaked the fuck out"

Edited August 31, 2021 by somegirl

[SLuxy]

Not qualified to give advice, re dealing with the perpetrator, apart from the following.

Be careful who you take advice from regarding this matter. People will have all sorts of theories about this. And a few of them would likely make things worse.

The post about online resources sounds smart.

Edited August 31, 2021 by SLuxy
Clarity

[SLuxy]

@somegirl Also, one other thing.

It sounds traumatic.

You may like to try out TRE (Trauma Releasing exercises). Its a somatic form of trauma release. And you can do it at home. David Berceli is the go to guy on that.

Also, TRE is just outrageously relaxing xD.

If you have the book list, TRE is inspired by the author of the Reichian Therapy book Leo mentions.

[Gesundheit2]

Sounds terrible.

Depending on your location, there might be feminist seminars that teach you how to self-defense against predators. They teach you stuff like hitting weak points (crotch) and running away, developing quicker reactions, using available tools, etc. See if you can find something like that near you.

[gettoefl]

very sorry about your unsettling experience, i feel for you @somegirl

i will apologize unreservedly on behalf of the unfair sex ... some are truly vile barbaric scum undeserving of the term human being

hope you will continue to shine your bright light and not let this incident dim you in any way

Edited August 31, 2021 by gettoefl

[Kalki Avatar]

It seems these things are becoming more common. 

Ofcourse I have heard this happened on occassions, but it surprises me as before coming to the forum I saw a vid of a big black guy who grabbed a girl's ass who was walking down the street while using her phone. The girl got  mad and started punching the guy and the 7 foot tall black guy (NBA type) started punching her and just kept walking. 

So, I would not recommend you to punch these guys. You dont know how they might react. Just because you are a girl doesnt mean they wont smack you out. They might have a gun or knife. They can use the excuse that they just went to ask you for something and you started hitting them first, so they defended themselves. 

What you should do is get really angry  at them to get them off you first. Have a knife, pepper spray, taser or even a gun. But just after whatever their act and getting angry, tell them you are calling the cops. "That you have a cop friend". And you should really try to have one for emergencies. If after that he comes at you again, try to run and scream so people around can hear and make him go away. Only prepare to attack if he gets close to you and you are about to get trapped. 

What makes you mad is the fact that you felt impotent and surprised. Welcome to the world, where abuse is more normal than you think. 

 

 

[somegirl]

@SLuxy I didn't know about TRE, thanks for that info! I just can't get myself to meditate too, which would help me.

@Gesundheit2 yeah there is something called Krav Maga trainings in my area. Though I don't know, I personally believe that you cannot be ready to fight like you trained because in real life situations, you have to deal with shock, you forget where you are, you forget the tactics/moves you learnt. You know what I mean?

@gettoefl thank you, this is so sweet. Thanks guys for comforting me, I really appreciate this. My spirit was down whole day today, but I shouldn't let it, as you said.. 

 

Edited August 31, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

21 minutes ago, Kalki Avatar said:

What makes you mad is the fact that you felt impotent and surprised. Welcome to the world, where abuse is more normal than you think

Exactly this... 

I will for sure buy pepper spray soon. And I am looking up stuff that will help me if this ever happens again.

I know about one story, I have told to one member here, about a guy who was sexually assaulting women in elevator and then he came across one VERY grumpy lady who beat the shit out of him to his request to take off her clothes. He called the cops on her in the end. Lol And I don't think she was charged. I'm not saying that women should go and get physical always, but there are obviously some instances where this works. I mean, what else could she do in that small space.

[SLuxy]

@somegirl You're welcome.

I'm guessing by that you mean you've tried mindfulness meditation.

Perhaps, trying a non-directive meditation style would better serve you? (i.e. do nothing meditation)

[hamedsf]

next time say:

my dad is police and he's patrolling around here, now I'm calling him to show you the end of the day!

Edited August 31, 2021 by hamedsf