Trauma, my ego

[RickyFitts]

A completely random thought occurred to me when I was meditating just before (and don't ask me where this thought came from, because I haven't a clue ) - Esilda is an anagram of 'ladies', was that by design or is it just a coincidence?

Also something completely random: I was watching telly before (England getting spanked in the cricket - great fun) and accidentally leant on the remote, which changed the channel to an infomercial channel (channel 669, Best Direct), and what should I hear but New Zealand accents! Utterly random, but it's not often I hear kiwi accents on British telly - just seemed funny because I know you're from New Zealand

(They were advertising a massage chair, btw - looked very comfortable to be fair, kinda want one now.)

[Loba]

@Esilda Haha, no worries <3  *sending positive vibes your way*

[Esilda]

@Loba 

@RickyFitts  ROFL!  and my green tea was amazing!

[Esilda]

@lxlichael have you gone AWOL here as well? 

[Loba]

@Esilda You have just the right level of extroversion that this forum neeeeeeeeeeeeds so much!
Inclusiveness, and vulnerability and kindness, this forum will change into a beautiful butterfly with the right level of feminine touch, I can guarantee it! <3 <3
We need more women who are inclusive like this, it's not a common trait.  Not authentically anyways.  You're rare.

[Loba]

@Esilda The odd thing is, I don't get any notification when you/Ix send me something.

@lxlichael Same here, let me go check something, I should be getting notices, I don't have restrictions on people sending me any notice, but they are not showing up, nothing on ignore either just a bunch of old account from who knows who that I just removed.

Can either one of you send me a note and see if it shows?

Edited September 5, 2021 by Loba

[RickyFitts]

@Esilda Great! Boring question, but do you drink it straight or do you add anything to it?

7 hours ago, Loba said:

@Esilda You have just the right level of extroversion that this forum neeeeeeeeeeeeds so much!
Inclusiveness, and vulnerability and kindness, this forum will change into a beautiful butterfly with the right level of feminine touch, I can guarantee it! <3 <3
We need more women who are inclusive like this, it's not a common trait.  Not authentically anyways.  You're rare.

Agree 100% with all of this, nicely said  There are some really wonderful women on this forum - Esilda, Gianna, Preety, Olivia24, modmyth, amongst others - and I feel so blessed by their presence here  

Edit: Oh, and Emerald! How could I forget Emerald, she's amazing  Double edit: Oh, and FlyingLotus! I'm just astounded by her summaries of Leo's videos, amazing work  

Edited September 5, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Loba]

@RickyFitts Me too, I love learning from other women.  This whole forum in general is a rare gem.
I should appreciate it more than I do.

[RickyFitts]

@Loba Oh and you too, Loba, I thought you were female but wasn't sure! You're absolutely right, though, the women of this forum have made me realise just how much I can learn from my female counterparts if I'm open to it, both in terms of what they share and also in terms of how they conduct themselves  

Edited September 5, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Esilda]

@lxlichael liking the new harmony hit on your X journal! (can't say anything on your journal  ) 

European vibes, South African vibes... and then other vibes that are neither (just you?)

You could easily do an album with this kind of variety that you've got there.

@Loba lol I will do my best , sometimes I get a bit nervous but it feels so much easier because everyone here is making me feel so comfortable with myself . 

... My notifications are working fine, how did this one work?

@Marcel OH my god the way you express and understand your emotions you help me!!! 

@lxlichael has a lot of masculine energy but I can hear so many different textures in his voice show themselves from many different angles.

You two should become soulmates! One might be more masculine/feminine than the other but you're just coming from different places, you could learn from each other!  

 

[Esilda]

5 hours ago, Loba said:

@RickyFitts Me too, I love learning from other women.  This whole forum in general is a rare gem.
I should appreciate it more than I do.

Yeah me too  .

[Esilda]

@RickyFitts lol we're creating one lovely home here you bring such a great energy

@lxlichael yeah you've got such a great primal energy as well, its very very interesting  

[Esilda]

@Marcel I just love your expression, sometimes I'm okay myself like I notice myself go up and down you know in terms of describing.. its like when I'm clogged it feels like I have no chance... maybe that's when I just have to try harder? 

[Esilda]

To myself,

How do I exit from my bias in love? I get I have all these self protective mechanisms... but why do I need to hold onto defence so much? Why can't I just love freely? Is it just my ego? Is this whole thread just about a damaged ego? I know its more to it than that...

~ sleepy at the moment ~

Edited September 5, 2021 by Esilda

[Esilda]

To myself,

Why do I feel guilt for laying down my ground rules, for laying down my boundaries for asserting myself?

What childhood memories do I need to visit in order to rewire my brain to feeling okay here? 

If I'm creating the best path for myself, what is there to worry?

[RickyFitts]

I love that you're asking yourself these questions - I used to think that spirituality was about finding the right answers, but at a certain point I realised that the key is actually asking the right questions  

1 hour ago, Esilda said:

@RickyFitts lol we're creating one lovely home here you bring such a great energy

Oh bless you, thank you - likewise, you bring such a great energy too my love  

[Esilda]

@lxlichael YOUR MUSIC IQ JOURNAL IS DA BOMB!  

Sending some encouragement your way!

 

 

9 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

I love that you're asking yourself these questions - I used to think that spirituality was about finding the right answers, but at a certain point I realised that the key is actually asking the right questions  

Oh bless you, thank you - likewise, you bring such a great energy too my love  

Liking your music journal by the way  .

 

6 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Esilda

I don´t think that trying harder works.

Also, maybe you just are that way.

Maybe there don´t needs to be a solution, because there is no problem in the first place.

Just notice the up and downs and feel into them as they happen.

If it feels good to describe things then by all means do it.

If it feels like you would need to exert a bunch of effort to do it, then don´t force it and just let it be.

Just feel into everything, especially your defenses.

Just question them and see where your mind and feelings take you.

Instead of exuding any force, feel into it.

Feeling into things is like my ultimate strategy for everything haha

 

Throws arms up in the air...

I've been doing the Wim Hof method just recently as lxlichael reminded me of it and I'm learning that this is kind of example of how I can use my body to tune into my emotions more  .

Any other tips you got? I like these thank you!  

 

[RickyFitts]

6 hours ago, Esilda said:

Liking your music journal by the way  .

 

[Esilda]

16 minutes ago, lxlichael said:

 

Yeah I know @Esilda . I don't need encouragement.

It'll only be even better from now on as well. 

@lxlichael 

[Esilda]

@lxlichael do you have time to answer my questions tonight? Just some of them.