Does Finding A Partner Have To Feel Like Labour?

[General 2]

I mean those who are unhappy with their single relationship status and looking for somebody...

Don't you feel confused when it feels like labour or job hunting process? Something stiff and unnatural?

My point is that not everyone is lucky to meet their partner by accident or at early age or in relaxing conditions, meaning not applying a heavy effort to it. Then why does it have to turn into some kind of mechanical process while feelings and interest in other people are expected to come naturally?

Would like to hear your thought on this...

[aurum]

It's only stiff and unnatural if that's the approach you choose. How are you going about meeting people?

 

 

[avk123]

18 hours ago, General 2 said:

I mean those who are unhappy with their single relationship status and looking for somebody...

Don't you feel confused when it feels like labour or job hunting process? Something stiff and unnatural?

My point is that not everyone is lucky to meet their partner by accident or at early age or in relaxing conditions, meaning not applying a heavy effort to it. Then why does it have to turn into some kind of mechanical process while feelings and interest in other people are expected to come naturally?

Would like to hear your thought on this...

Depends on every individuals own experience, personally I don't mind getting rejections my only problem is creating opportunity for me to meet potentials. Others may have potentials but they lack the capacity to handle rejections, again everyone is different in their own experience. 

Edited December 7, 2016 by avk123
spelling

[Awomanaware]

@General 2 It's not about looking and searching. That might be the sign your ego is lacking something. When you feel like you don't need anything, and you have everything, because you are doing the things you love, the feeling of wanting to share that love with someone arises. It comes very naturally in my experience - you meet who you love by doing what you love.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Awomanaware

[General 2]

16 hours ago, aurum said:

It's only stiff and unnatural if that's the approach you choose. How are you going about meeting people?

 

 

Yeah could be.

I meant mostly dating sites, going to events that you don't necessarily want to attend but there could be potential dates etc

Especially when you're pretty introverted and enjoy small or 1 to 1 occasions

[General 2]

6 hours ago, avk123 said:

Depends on every individuals own experience, personally I don't mind getting rejections my only problem is creating opportunity for me to meet potentials. Others may have potentials but they lack the capacity to handle rejections, again everyone is different in their own experience. 

Yes, same, my problem is just as well creating potentials. Rejections are natural btw. 

[Frogfucius]

@General 2 No, it doesn't have to be laborious. Wanna get married? Well that was simple!

I would say your problem is, and I'm guilty of this too, is lack of true motivation. You assign a negative meaning to the whole dating scene (laborious, stiff, awkward, etc.) when it's really nothing more than basic human interaction. If you want anything in life - a good education, a good job, a good partner - you're gonna have to put in some bit of effort. These are some basic wants, and it's okay to want them, but just leave them as simple desires and nothing more. They can't fulfill you when you assign silly stories and meaning to them. If you're truly committed, then take away any kind of labels you associate with it, because labels will only hold you back. Nothing is stiff and mechanical, unless you think it's stiff and mechanical.

Figure out why you even want a partner. Societal pressure? You feel like you have to? Someone to fulfill you? Realize that just because people are in a relationship, it doesn't make them happy people, no matter how "effortless" they may have met their partner. Human relationships and personalities are far too complicated to think it's always a peaceful, blissful experience.

As U.G. Krishnamurti once said, eating chocolate releases the same chemicals in the brain as falling in love. Better to eat a piece of chocolate and be done with it, than suffer years of misery.

[General 2]

Frogfucius well thanks for the answer.

I'm pretty self-fullfilled, but when I want to do something with my life (like advancing in a career by going to school, do volunteering work etc), I start having this weird inner thoughts and blames, like "You're still alone, why go study and waste so much effort in it, you're totally gonna end up alone, studying won't make any good for your situation!" or "Why go help a kid, he would ask whether you're single, you would answer "Yes", he would start asking why and this will ruin everything". 

Not to mention I happen to be teased at work...

Yeah sure everything good in life worth effort (no doubt!), but in these situations I feel like I have to look for somebody not to feel like complete shite...

 

[Frogfucius]

@General 2 So it's societal pressure, then. Your thoughts hampering you about "Why are you alone?" are just thoughts. Divorce yourself from them. Let them happen, but don't make a judgment either way. Eventually they'll lose their grip over your emotions.

You're letting other people control your emotions. Why? Why give a fuck if you're single? People make fun of you for it? You work with a bunch of fucking idiots, brainwashed by their culture. Want to get people to leave you alone? Be unapologetic about everything. And remember, the kid asking you if you're single isn't at fault. He's a product of the culture he grew up in, where the fantasy land of getting a partner and it being some be-all-end-all still has a grip. Of course the kid is going to question when he meets someone that doesn't fall within the worldview he grew up in. Kids do it all of the time. They question people and situations that don't fit the mold of the culture's "norm". It's really the beginning of a child beginning to question the world and society. We always tell children to hush up when they question the norm, but that's really too bad. They're taught at a young age to just accept their limited worldview.

Anyways, life really isn't that complicated. You eat, you sleep, you shit, have some sex here and there, and you die. Any other labels you slap on it are just going to bring you down.

[avk123]

14 hours ago, General 2 said:

Yes, same, my problem is just as well creating potentials. Rejections are natural btw. 

I'm working on creating more room for potentials by getting exposed more often in social settings.  Have you tried that ?

[General 2]

10 hours ago, avk123 said:

I'm working on creating more room for potentials by getting exposed more often in social settings.  Have you tried that ?

In which social settings, for instance? Please describe how you do it, which places do you attend and meet new people etc

[avk123]

On 12/8/2016 at 8:15 PM, General 2 said:

In which social settings, for instance? Please describe how you do it, which places do you attend and meet new people etc

 

On 12/8/2016 at 8:15 PM, General 2 said:

In which social settings, for instance? Please describe how you do it, which places do you attend and meet new people etc

Go to Meetup.com and find any meetings of your interest - if you can't find any make one and invite and get to know people.

The more you expose yourself the more chances you have - be vulnerable 

[davidpuralocura]

i think a big thing that you sayed is "those who are unhappy with their single relationship status and looking for somebody"

i have a friend that si single and thinks the same way and i think that if you are not happy single you will not be if you are with somebody

because you will always fear being single again and thats a need for a partner

if we see it in another way, its much better if you love being single and if you get in a relationship you dont fear going back

a good thing here is having more posibilities on your partner

imagine someone who everyone want to have as a partner, he would never fear going single for some time

because he knows that he can easly get a better person, but hes comited to the ralationship that he has while it lasts

last thing i would recomend doing cold aproch to anyone soo when you see that person you like you dont fear and are use to

talking to people

i think this would help on the point too

thats all

good luck and have fun on life

[General 2]

@avk123  Wow they even hold meetings in my city! Thank you for recommendation.

@davidpuralocura Huh thank you

[kyle barnett]

 yeah It is the same for me. I just find it fucking bullshit there is barely anywhere to go to meet woman. Literally every place I go to is just guys guys guys