Envy And Jealousy

[Jonathanz]

What is your real and practical way to cope with jealousy and envy of other people (family, friends, or strangers)? The reason why I feel this could be anything (money, education, relationship, career, etc.) Sometimes, I experience this reaction when I walk pass through people, and furthermore it creeps into my mind when I am alone, leaving me to have some bad sleeps at the end of the day.  This seems to be an automatic reaction for me. Please post your suggestion for this problem, thanks.

[Kelley White]

19 hours ago, Jonathanz said:

What is your real and practical way to cope with jealousy and envy of other people (family, friends, or strangers)? The reason why I feel this could be anything (money, education, relationship, career, etc.) Sometimes, I experience this reaction when I walk pass through people, and furthermore it creeps into my mind when I am alone, leaving me to have some bad sleeps at the end of the day.  This seems to be an automatic reaction for me. Please post your suggestion for this problem, thanks.

Hi @Jonathanz

Nice to meet you.  Thank you for asking your question.    My practical way for coping with envy is to do self inquiry which allows me to find the source of my perception of lack.   Then I do the turn around and find things I am grateful for.  I learn to appreciate what I have.  I remember there was a time I had to have resources too survive, now I can be dependent and take care of me. I remind myself this can become entitlement which is an unkindness to others since it lacks communication and consent.

I've also observe envy appears to be generally based upon a construct in my mind, not reality.  I perceive someone else's reality as superior or of more value than my own due to an arbitrary assignment of value which is really a reflection of my own unmet desires.   Just my observation but I'm a wee poet. ) Sometimes you find out the life you envied is not a life you would wish to live.

Jealousy to me is an indicator I fear loss/abandonment in a relationship.  If I am secure in the trust of the relationship why would I feel jealous?  I don't normally struggle with jealousy, so for me when I experience it, its a red flag something else deeper is going on.   Just my thoughts take what works, what doesn't, find something that does. LOL  For someone who struggles with jealousy all the time, they may have a different approach.

Now I know Leo has video's on jealousy, I have not watched them yet.  This doesn't tend to be a huge area of struggle for me at present so my focus is on other things.  You might try going to the Video's section and watching that video though to see what tips and tools he offers.

Again ,thank you for your question and I wish you the best of luck as you work through this.  

[xXxXx]

Not comparing myself to others, only to my former self helped me a lot. It feels like i am not competing with others, just with myself.

[mgi0077]

It's the way you've been conditioned... Just notice the jealousy when it arises and it will eventually subside on its own.  Darkness cannot survive in light.

[DanoDMano]

I think once we come to the conclusion that all life is equal then jealousy no longer becomes a factor. This is simply your ego being pissed off because it's telling you that he / she / they have something you don't. Be it money, career, possessions, looks, relationships etc. Now the biggest problem is unless your at the top of the mountain looking down on everything else, you'll always going to be jealous. So your ego will never win this argument so why feel the emotion in the first place?

At one point we have to begin to feel content with the things we have, the things we are gifted with, and the things we may strive for, although we may lose them and fail at them sometimes. Thinking of all things being equal on the inside of each of us can eventually take away the power of those things we see possessed by others on the outside. When you find yourself and know yourself, this becomes the greatest possession you'll have and no amount of money, career, material things, appearance or relationship is greater than this. Continue your search and you'll discover this for yourself.        

[Pallero]

I feel jealous, when I think that somebody is happier than me, because they have something I don't. Then I remember that external circumstances don't bring happiness. So no matter how happy the person seems, they usually aren't. This makes me feel better. ?

[Kelley White]

I really find when I start focusing on what I have and what I am grateful for?  That tends to re shift the focus for me.   Just another thought @Jonathanz. 

[Kelley White]

21 hours ago, Pallero said:

I feel jealous, when I think that somebody is happier than me, because they have something I don't. Then I remember that external circumstances don't bring happiness.

@Pallero great point.   We also never know what the other person is really experiencing.  Thank you for your comment.

[Brian Greendahl]

I make it a point to never compare my insides to other people's outsides.

[Cookiesliyr]

@Jonathanz hello, for me as a person whose sin's account transactions history lacks in envy, but i have traded plenty kingdoms with anger, i believe i can shade some light on that.

lets be honest in here, i have anger issues, i found out people get angry really quickly in my early life on everything so i learned to avoid everyone! you see, sometimes successful ways in coping the issue are ... not quite successful, it is much much hard to face it and try to be rational with it, you can keep telling your self all kind of reasons why you shouldn't feel in such way, but when it trigger ... it just trigger! is it behavioral? does that mean the environment is the reason? let me be honest with you, i don't know the answer, never searched for it, but trying to warn you with possible features.

Edited February 23, 2016 by Cookiesliyr

[MIARIVEL]

@Jonathanz I have experienced envy and jealousy so many times. Overtime I found out a partner cheated or lied to me, I would become insecure and jealous and envied all the other pretty girls, constantly thinking why I wasn't pretty enough for just one guy to stay loyal to me.

However, what I have learnt from all this is that being envious and jealous doesn't serve you in any way, shape or form. If anything it causes more problems especially in relationships but towards yourself as well. I have learnt to use my jealousy, insecurities and being envious as motivators to work out more, look after my health and most importantly look after my mind and every day make an effort to keep being mentally strong. 

I needed to find the happiness within me to love myself and deal with my issues face on. 

I sometimes still get envious that most of my friends, live better life, have a seemingly perfect relationship, kids, big house, nice cars but my envy for them has only caused me to work harder, in my business, stay focused and push through these feelings of jealous and insecurity... they only exist if you allow then to exist. Choose to make you 100% mentally strong and find happiness within you, then you will start to realise you have nothing to worry about when it comes to someone else. 

The most important person to you.. should always be you =)

[Kelley White]

19 hours ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

The most important person to you.. should always be you

@MIA.RIVEL  This is so true and so challenging for a people pleaser.  I've really been working on this one of late.  

 

19 hours ago, MIA.RIVEL said:

I needed to find the happiness within me to love myself and deal with my issues face on. 

This as well.  Great comment.

[MIARIVEL]

@Kelley White its so hard when we have all the tools and know what to do, but yet we struggle to use the tools we have and take action on what to do. I think we are always searching for an easier way or a better way or even a way around fear, when the reality is, we just have to go through it in order to grow from it and be a better version of ourselves. 

[DizIzMikey]

@Jonathanz Might be counter intuitive, but this helped me even if it was a belief, 

Intellectually understanding with faith that everything is you, so for instance, Jay Z..I'm him, we are the same and one....I'm rich and I have a sexy girl

ETC...

[Kelley White]

On 3/2/2016 at 7:01 PM, MIA.RIVEL said:

its so hard when we have all the tools and know what to do, but yet we struggle to use the tools we have and take action on what to do. I think we are always searching for an easier way or a better way or even a way around fear, when the reality is, we just have to go through it in order to grow from it and be a better version of ourselves.

@MIA.RIVEL  By observation I agree, it appears facing our deepest fears squarely and having the courage to walk through them demonstrates how powerless they in fact are over us.   That doesn't mean its easy, it doesn't mean we always succeed, but like any new skill eventually over time we attain a degree of success if we keep practicing.  Great comment. 

[Kelley White]

On 3/2/2016 at 9:08 PM, DizIzMikey said:

Intellectually understanding with faith that everything is you, so for instance, Jay Z..I'm him, we are the same and one....I'm rich and I have a sexy girl

@DizIzMikey Its interesting, I am aware WE are all one while remaining distinct, thus I am also aware that each of us is connected.  It seems there are many people working to elevate consciousness within their own framework of understanding.  

What I I have observed most precisely true?  If I assume that we, X individual and I are, aligned for the highest and best service to others?  Some how I end up in contact with that being at some point through serentypical timing and means by that very faith.

Now for your example one observation?

Let's take Jay Z; he's a human man.  I am certain he has joys and sorrows like each of us only he is not always given the respect of personal privacy.  

Many things are more than likely written about him which are not truthful; it also does not appear, based upon my experiences or those experiences shared with me by wealthy and or famous people, that money, "others" (Ie: lovers/significant others) fame, any of those materialistic "trappings" necessarily lead to peace, enlightenment, happiness, or eradicate envy or jealousy. 

For the "success" and fame Jay Z now has and is envied for, there were/are hours and years of mastery and work no one ever sees. 

So I have just found after being successful in businesses like Real Estate, if you want to be "rich" you have to do more than believe you and Jay Z are one.  You have to be willing to work like Jay Z.   

I love the notion you shared about oneness though.