The Script

[ivankiss]

A short meditation at 100bpm. Ratio 1:1.

Alpha waves. Going out soon.

[ivankiss]

It is crucial to listen to pure waves, only. If there are other sounds present, the mind becomes distracted from matching the frequency.

[ivankiss]

Jub secured. I'm satisfied with the choice.

Starting tomorrow morning.

[ivankiss]

Buying a new car within the next 3 months, or less. It comes with the WR package.

Once I reach my DR, I'm selling it for a small profit and buying my dream car.

[ivankiss]

First day at job was a walk in a park. I genuinely enjoyed it. Interesting methods of payment, too. I like.

Worked 9 hours today, time flew by like nothing. Did not get tired or stressed, whatsoever. That's huge. That means I will be having plenty of space and will to simultaneously practice stuff that truly matters to me. Music, trading, writing, consciousness stuff, sex, ect.

Basically; I am my own boss. I can work as much or as little as I want. This job should be great for this phase. I'm sticking with it. Unless or until an even better opportunity comes by.

At the end of the day, it's still a dead end job, and there is no room for my creativity, my genius, my full potential to blossom here... So it's not like I'm planning on staying for too long... 

But it should do the trick for now. 

Not gonna lie, this shift from CR to WR is kinda bittersweet. It's great that I'm moving forward, but it's a scary ride. I must let go of a lot of 'things', fast.

About to mediate a bit, do some cleansings and relax. The rest of the night; unscripted.

[ivankiss]

CLOCKWORKS

Dismantling the clockwork that makes me the cynic
Pallet, wheel and click
The properties of my indifference
Reverse-engineering what makes it tick
Dissecting the fine-tuned mechanism
Rack and barrel, spring and pin
Its synchronous characteristics
To kill what makes it spin

Disassemble this machinery
Re-program these eyes, undo this design

Labelled and filed, each part indexed
Broken to pieces then thoroughly burned
Deconstruction of what I am
Buried to make sure he never returns
Taken apart, defused, blueprints turned to ashes
Eradicate the last remains, remnants of the insane

Disintegration, the destruction of me now imperative
To purge myself of this condition, complete this dissolution a necessity

Break this deceitful machine

A lie, what once I was, obsolete instrument
An outmoded contraption, a malfunctioning device

That callous self now extinguished, that malignant self now disused
That conceited invention to nothing now reduced

Complete disintegration, the destruction of me now imperative
To purge myself of this condition, complete this dissolution a necessity

Break this deceitful machine

[ivankiss]

NEBULOUS

Drowned in this screaming silence
Embraced by shadows, they tear me
The wormholes free my eyes

The blood boils - it knows
My thoughts burn as minds liquify, vaporize
Reality scorched by this fixed state

All beginnings slain by ends
I seep down into the black to breathe

Drifting to merge with the past
My tongue licks the residue of the future

Bitter taste, the wombs of claws call me
Filth rips them open. The stillborn start to move
Lidless eyes twitching beneath a sheet of rot
They reach out, they want to kiss - It matters not

In dreams it speaks to me of the truth that means reality

 

[ivankiss]

IGNOMINIOUS AND PALE

If it is to be only
An element of a whole
To hide behind others
And form the eclipse of mind
Ignominious and Pale

If it were to one
Having nothing to tell
This would equal
A state of being the one
Ignominious and pale

Fallen in the abyss of indignity
Doubt does not exist
Or come into being
Pale

Incarceration of personality
Is the sad inception of self-denial
The one that denies the inner self
Flees into deception

Incarceration of personality
Is the sad inception of self-denial

[ivankiss]

Former self is vanishing, slowly but surely. Soon to be fully disintegrated back into the endless nothingness.

A new Sun is to be born.

I am present with myself, throughout this whole process. I would not dare to turn my back onto the one who's dying, and is in pain. I am right here, on my own and by my side. 

The new is exciting. Unlimited potential. But it cannot fully blossom until the old dies out.

Thank you for blessing me with the ability to feel this deeply, Father. Thank you for purging me of these old patterns and conditions. I know that it is only your unconditional love for me, that is disguised as this pain in my heart.

Take it all, Father. Clear these pathways.

Let the river run free.

 

[ivankiss]

To my former self:

My dearest brother... What an honor it has been. A year flew by in a blink of an eye.

You did a fucking incredible job, sir. Bravo! Some of those chapters were wild. You walked right through the fire. You slept right next to the devil. You fought the demons of the past. You stood for your Truth. For that I admire you, deeply. Thank you for making it this far. Thank you for gifting me this Light. I will carry it forward in your name, brother. 

I am glad that you also managed to have a lot of exciting, fun, wild and somewhat crazy experiences in this phase, too. I know your heart has been longing for that. It was fun watching from above, too.

Hell of a show.

I trust you understand why I must move on and detach. No, you are not actually 'old'. And no, you are not truly dying. You are a part of me now and forever. You are as eternal as this Light that I carry. 

Much love and respect to you, my dearest brother. Songs will be sung in your honor.

[ivankiss]

STORY TO TELL

Drifting into the lives
Seep
Into
The
Soul
Where emotions hide

Dark skies were beating me down with shadows
Of deceit, slashing at trust till it forever bleeds
With doubts
With pain
With trust
Is
Pain

When you think of me,
In your multidimensional mind
Try and wash the evil from your mind
And open it

When
You taste the truth
You will see like others
Before me to you, I am past a story to tell
To you I am past a story to Tell
Tell it

If you think you own the end
Take another look
At
The script
Of sadness
Etched
In the book

Dark skies were beating me down with shadows
Of deceit, slashing at trust till it forever bleeds
With doubts
With pain
With trust
Is pain

When you think of me
In your multidimensional mind
Try and wash the evil from your mind
And open it

When
You taste the truth
You will see like others
Before me to you, I am past a story to tell to you
I am past a story to tell
Tell it

[ivankiss]

You set out to reclaim your power. To rediscover your individuality. To declare your independence. To re-embrace your personality. To set your voice free. To add some flavour to Truth.

And you succeeded in all of that, brother.

You fucking nailed it. In record speed.

You are incredible, brother. Brilliant. Truly, one of a kind. A hero.

In spite of the pain.

[ivankiss]

THE WILL OF YOUR HEART

[ivankiss]

MOLOK RISING

Trust no future
You belong here
Fear no new shore
You will stay here
Stay here

Steal the blueprints of the sun god
Sailing over the solemn bay
Truly airborne we will suffer
With the numbers upon the screen

We are orphaned
Hollow seers
Selling art from a magazine

The end of ends in view
Moved by gentle tide it broke too soon

The shallow waters nearly brought you
Out to sea
With the key of dreams they would buy you too
Sheltered fool that gentle clay
Animal
That gentle clay

Trust no future
You belong here
You belong here
Here to labour and to wail with the damned
Heed not my hundred reasons at midnight
You belong here

[ivankiss]

Taking my very first steps as the new self. 

I'm in Italy.

Yup.

That happened.

Literally over night. 

Completely mesmerized by the sheer beauty and awesomeness of the city. Soaking it all in, big time. Loving the vibe. Feels like home.

[ivankiss]

This is supposed to be a brief preview of how my life would look like here. But.. if I end up liking it that much, I might take a leap of faith and move here right away.

So far; I see no downsides.

[ivankiss]

I also came here because I needed a new perspective on my life back in Slovenia. I wanted to clear my mind a bit. To unwind.

To weigh things out.

[ivankiss]

There seems to be so much more love in the air here. The atmosphere is much warmer. There's couples kissing on every few steps. People know how to enjoy themselves here. And are not ashamed of it. They're open and outgoing. Friendly.

I'm in love with the architecture. The food is amazing, and women are absolutely gorgeous. 

I'm at the Seaside now. The lightning is just perfect. Nice music. The moon is so thin and delicate tonight. Very sexy.

[ivankiss]

SMILE

Calm down, don't run again
I'll soothe you, I'm mechanical
Brave soldier, kill again
Before we all expire

Think for yourself
And be the renegade
Don't give in to him
And his ugly ways

I can feel you getting closer
I can sense you start to smile
I see colossal eyes
There's a shadow on the sun
And no wonder why

Drain all the sick away
You've proven you are an animal
Stalking me, you are a mannequin
Your form is menacing

This is another one of his ways
To control me

I can feel you getting closer
I can sense you start to smile
I see colossal eyes
There's a shadow on the sun
And no wonder why

[ivankiss]

LUMINARY

You could raise the dead
With those terribly troublesome eyes
Maybe you'll always be bad
Maybe you'll always be the same

Are you alone, locked inside
That prison in your head?
You walk through the crowd
Lost in the sound
Invisible to every passing eye

This waking life is not what it seems to be
No time to talk, no air to breathe
Reminisce the scent of a single flower
What butchers cleave, the wolves devour
But if you consume it you will surely die
When you're buried with your tenderness
You'll drag it to your solitary grave

Are you alone, locked inside
The prison of your mind?
You walk through the crowd
Lost in the sound
Invisible to every passing eye
Invisible to every passing eye