The Script

[ivankiss]

PROXY

I'm a surrogate
I'm archetypal and itinerant
I'm your excuse to long
For a superior
I will undertake
I will overcome

Imperfection you will find
Look close enough
Tear off the mask I need
This endeavor is not mine
You subject me to the daggers you conceive
I'm stronger than I was before
Thus you reinforce these walls
I can't fight you anymore
Threatened by the open door
All the chances I ignore
I can't stand still anymore

The day is done
Nothing left to say
Resting head in hands
Wishing I had known my place
To take a stand
The errand of a fool
I'm not to reprimand
I'm here to help you through

Is nothing like it seems?
Living in this sequence, a dream
Is nothing like it seems?
Gather broken shards of self esteem

[ivankiss]

The Sun is shining on me. It feels amazing.

I sit and do nothing, for quite some time.

I enjoy a moment of not knowing anything at all. Not being anyone. Not doing anything. Not trying to get anywhere or achieve anything. I sit here completely untouched by any label, role, purpose or meaning.

I have no idea what any of this is. I don't know what's happening with me or around me. In this moment, I don't really care.

The Sun is shining so nice. 

As soon as I let go and detach, a lot of things fall into their place on their own, and the picture becomes clearer. I've been embracing a lot of change, and a part of me is kinda struggling to grab a hold of something, anything, that it could recognize and identify with. Something familiar, something known, something that represents home.

I am aware that this is going on, and there's not much I can do about it. Other than breathing my way through it.

Change is good, and it's what I signed up for, so to speak. It's a game I want to play. Ultimately, everything that seems to be strange, alien or unknown, can only end up being discovered and recognized as the one and only Self. Because, there is nothing but it. It's just disguised as 'something else'. Or 'something unknown'.

I know this deep down, and it helps, but still, life does not care about what you know. It just keeps going and going. What you know, you must demonstrate by participating. By being that intelligence, right here and right now. That's where things get very real. 

 

[ivankiss]

Last night was magic. 

Divine orchestration. Perfect timing.

As soon as I let go and made peace with things not exactly going the way I wanted; everything flipped last minute, and it all worked out perfectly.

It's not the first time I experienced this. It's like my faith is being tested or something lol. My letting go muscles are being exercised.

Everything always works out.

All is well.