The Script

[ivankiss]

OH MY GOD! 

Just woke up from the wildest, most 'out-there' dream ever! It was more real than this current reality! Holy fuck!

Basically; In my dream, I've been contacted by a secret university, an organisation of some sort.. Like Hograwrts, but much more epic. The place was unlike anything I ever saw. I ended up signing a contract with them. I did all kinds of insane magic and was assigned a mission. WHAT? This definitely feels more than just a dream. Holy fuck!

It was sooo damn real! Serious business!

I had to write it down before I forget it or my mind explains it away. I am absolutely shocked, in the most beautiful way ever.

About to go back to sleep a bit more... I truly hope I end up there again.

Dear Lord!

[ivankiss]

Nope. Nothing. I had no more dreams.

Man... it was just so damn epic.

[ivankiss]

Paper-work done. There is nothing standing in-between me and that epic job now.

Going on a few meetings later today.

Exciting!

[ivankiss]

First meeting/interview went great. Smooth as butter. Very kind and pleasant people.

This was my #1 desire for a job... If they hire me, I'd pretty much skip WR1 and 2, and land straight into WR3. Which is just a few steps away from my DR.

I'm expecting a call from them one of these days.

Cooking a wonderful meal atm. After lunch: some rest/meditation, and then I've got a few more interviews on my list.

[ivankiss]

Desired job #2 falls out of the picture. I immediately noticed the shift when I entered the workplace. So much stress in the air. Bad organisation. Employees were stepping over each-other, like ants. The manager was cold as ice. Lacks manner. No space for kindness. 

I understand the timing could have been wrong, and it might not be like that all the time... but I'm trusting my gut feeling on this one. Another huge issue was language. They were not happy at all about interviewing me in English. I doubt I'll hear from them. And even If I would, I'd most likely reject.

The other interview I had was basically the complete opposite. Very kind, open and respectful manager. Nice atmosphere. Good organisation. The only downside is, the job pays quite a bit less.

Expecting a call from them, soon.

Tomorrow I'm sending a few e-mails and doing a few more interviews.

Overall; today was a massive step in the right direction. Feeling good about everything. Maybe just a bit impatient.

[ivankiss]

I'm eating much more since I moved here. 3 to 4 meals a day. I used to eat only once, max twice a day. 1500 calories, or less. Now I'm consuming around 2500. That's great. My appetite is back. I'm aiming for cca 3500 calories per day. At least in this bulking phase. Did not sign into a gym here yet. I'll do that as soon as I start working.

I lost 10+ kilos in these past few years. I'm just below 70kg right now. Height: 183cm.

My goal is anywhere from 81 to 86kg, lean muscle mass. 10 to 15% bodyfat.

[ivankiss]

My body requires quite some work. 

As someone who has endured severe abuse throughout my life, it's no surprise that I stored tons of trauma in my body. My posture is kinda fucked. Lots of tension. Strain. Fatigue. I'm far from being fully flexible. 

I'd say I healed the psychological and emotional aspects of my being, but I definitely must do some serious digging through all that old muscle-memory. I'm also planning on hiring a chiropractic, as well as doing a few deep-tissue massage sessions.

Looking forward to all that, very much.

[ivankiss]

CARBON-BASED ANATOMY

homo sapiens
and your carbon-based anatomy
the child you're looking for
is starved and lost, a memory

drop the knife
leave your arms behind
just for a moment
calm the mind
the longing never ends
not while you're human

what if you could hold
your mother's heart
inside your hands
would you seek blood again
would you find the karmic thread

drop the knife
leave your arms behind
just for a moment
calm the mind
the longing never ends
not while you're human

stop the clock
drop the storyline
just for a moment
stop the clock 
the longing never ends
not while you're human

[ivankiss]

A casual, innocent, little meditation turned into infinite transcendence, fast.

0 to 100, in a blink of an eye.

I managed to decrease the frequency, and descend - if you will. It was way too much.

Last time I went there (and higher)... was 2+ years ago. And it was as intense as it gets. Unimaginable. Unspeakable.

Death seems like a joke in comparison to this. I could not exaggerate, even if I wanted to.

Going to chill and watch some youtube now. Enough of this consciousness biz for tonight.

Holy shit.

[ivankiss]

I'm not ready for this. And something tells, I'll never be. Impossible.

It's so tempting, so inviting.. it's pulling me in. But I must be considerate towards the individual. It's too much for the nervous system.

I'm definitely onto something huge - to say the least. I doubt many went this far.

Sweet mystery.

[ivankiss]

Got the job. Starting day after tomorrow. It's a bit out of town, but the money is real nice, so it's not an issue.

Big step forward!

[WaveInTheOcean]

12 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Got the job. Starting day after tomorrow. It's a bit out of town, but the money is real nice, so it's not an issue.

Big step forward!

Gratz brother, what kind of job did you get? 

Exciting blog btw! <3

[ivankiss]

I basically reduced my expenses to nearly a half of what I had back in MB, and pretty much doubled my income. Fuck yes. That's how it's done. That was the vision behind this step, all along. And it's only the beginning.

[ivankiss]

@WaveInTheOcean Thanks!

Reception/catering in a very fancy hotel. 

[ivankiss]

CLOSED EYE VISUALS

Unbound to the pale and lifeless day by the
multicolored, multiform
A spinning antidream unthought. -Exceeding the
obsolete reality
Overheated inner shape-generator. Blowing every
cerebral fuse
Insanity filtered and systematized. -Feeding the
tools of mind abuse

Mind-signal transmission peaked, distorted, bent,
unrestrained
Neuroreceivers shortcircuit. System parameters
over-gained
Nervethreads decoding the stream of the
reality-inverting revolution
The patterned untruth of non-dream: The closed eye
visual delusion

A frantic cellular race down the switchbacks of mind
Throttling the existence-engine. A propulsion beyond
all limit lines
Convulsive thrusts of septic energy as infected cells
collide
Unleashing the video-bacterial disease. The
sinew-conducted pseudo-vision

Mind-signal transmission peaked, distorted, bent,
unrestrained
Neuroreceivers shortcircuit. System parameters
over-gained
Nervethreads decoding the stream of the
reality-inverting revolution
The patterned untruth of non-dream: The closed eye
visual delusion

Self unfolds like a disintegrating dream. All
revealed but the sinister cause
My lying eyes come apart at the seams. Still how
could I ever regret the loss

The self transformed into wave lengths
-Reverberating this unyielding dream. Lost in this
greedy illusion
I'm forever devoured by the closed eye visual delusion

A twirling visual overload - Explosions of terror and
beauty
Colors of fear and pain within clash into unanything
A spectra-organic frenzy setting fire to the
neuro-highways of mind
Revolving me away from time. A soul now rendered
unassigned

[ivankiss]

Contemplating/meditating on my favorite bench, when out of nowhere, a hedgehog decided to join me. I petted and talked to him a bit. Warmed my heart.

 

[ivankiss]

Took a little trip to a nearby town in SLO. I used to live here, 5 years ago or so. Feels like it was 5 lifetimes ago.

Man, walking these streets is such a trip. I'm having flashbacks, memories... but it's almost like it all happened to someone else. I'm light-years away from where I used to be back then. Such a massive transformation. Makes me think... where will I be in another 5 or 10 years? How will I perceive my current self then? Whoa.

I was thinking about reaching out to some old friends here... but nah. I'm not feeling like it, really. 'Where have you been? What have you been up to? Are you still alive?' - I don't feel like answering all those questions now.

Heading back to Italy soon. But first: coffee.

[RickyFitts]

16 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Contemplating/meditating on my favorite bench, when out of nowhere, a hedgehog decided to join me. I petted and talked to him a bit. Warmed my heart.

 

That's the most delightful thing I ever heard  Congratulations on the new job, Ivan!?

[ivankiss]

@RickyFitts Thanks!

You should have seen when a few years ago the same thing happened, but with two foxes. It was one of the most magical experiences I've ever had. 

One fox got scared and distanced itself quickly... but the other one was quite curious, and came very close to me. Did not pet it, but I talked to it for quite some time. It was a beautiful energetic dance. I went home in utter disbelief that night.

Then, some years later, another fox was following me through a park, way past midnight... it was just a few steps behind me. Animals are so damn awesome.

Pure magic. Divinity.

 

[ivankiss]

I had 2+ hours before my bus to Italy was departing, so I went to a nearby shopping center, and you know what I did?

I sat down in one of those massage chairs and completely disappeared. It was the best decision ever. I don't think I've been massaged this good ever before. Let alone by a machine haha! Really surprised me. I always thought these things were lame.

Felt so damn good. I could sit there for hours.

My body craves it, bad.

Gotta pay that visit to a real massage therapist, very soon!