The Script

[ivankiss]

Deep meditation, 78bpm, delta waves.

Falling asleep to some nice ASMR.

[ivankiss]

I've accumulated a significant amount of money, much sooner than I thought I would. Feeling great. But I must sort my priorities out now. I can do a lot of things, but not all things at once.

I can either invest into my trading account right away, or I can buy a new computer and start making music. I could also move to a nicer/bigger apartment or get a new car.

Hmm.

I must sit with it a bit more. What I don't want to do, is spend the money on meaningless things. Stuff like expensive food, drinks, partying or girls.

I must play it smart now. The next train leaves within 30+ days. Waiting a bit longer would not be a disaster, but it's unnecessary - I think. I can make a big step forward right away.

[ivankiss]

Bought a cute, little laptop today. It's going to be great for this WR1 phase. I'm so very happy that I can get back to writing music. 

It's not powerful enough for recording massive projects, so that's going to be a bit further down the line, when I enter WR2 or 3 and buy a stronger computer. 

Tonight is my very first writing session after this pause.

I'm also making a deposit into my trading account tomorrow. It's a smaller amount than I initially wanted, but it's going to be enough to get things going. 

Exciting!

 

[ivankiss]

On a side-note; I definitely must start practicing yoga on a daily basis. My body is kinda holding me back from anchoring higher consciousness throughout the day. Sitting in my chair and meditating is one thing, and being active and getting shit done is another. I want to close the gap.

Breathing a lot through my spine. Opening the chest/ribcage. Shoulders and neck must be aligned a bit, too. My legs though, are pretty much a disaster lol.

Hitting the gym too, any day now.

[ivankiss]

INSIGNIFICANT

Ours is not to question the reasons why
Crippled indecision repeats the path I once denied
Insignificant, am I?
The color of sundown, of crimson sky
The beauty that breaks down
And gives the day unto the night

And then one day you'll realize
Just a speck in the spectrum
Insignificant, am I?
And then one day you'll realize
The beauty that breaks down
Never learns the reason why

Scan my horizon as blue turns to black
The sky is gone again
And all beneath are born to die
Insignificant, am I?

And then one day you'll realize
Just a speck in the spectrum
Insignificant, am I?
And then one day you'll realize
The beauty that breaks down
Never learns the reason why

The brother of sundown
Has bleached away my past
To look into the sky
If only for one last time

And then one day you'll realize
Just a speck in the spectrum
Insignificant, am I?
And then one day you'll realize
The beauty that breaks down
Never learns the reason why

[ivankiss]

Been having thoughts of leaving this forum, or taking a longer break.

It's kinda holding me back, more than it's helping me.

Not to mention that I never felt like I belong here, from the very beginning. I'm kinda surprised of how long I stayed.

I always stay longer than I should - it could be said. But once I'm out - I'm out for good.

Will weigh things out a bit more.

[Matthew85]

@ivankiss Check out Frederick Dodson's work if you not familiar with him. I had some mind blowing experiences using some of his scripting techniques. Learning how to achieve more mastery over our waking reality is so fascinating. 

[ivankiss]

@Matthew85 Am not familiar with the name. Will check it out. Thanks!

[ivankiss]

Clearly, I'm staying for a bit longer. Mainly because of these journals.

I think I've got good thing going on here.

If I was to say, this forum did nothing good for me, I'd be a massive liar. It helped me a lot. Especially in regards to 'enlightenment work'.

But it also granted me with a shitload of mental fog, confusion, distortion, etc. I chased my own tail many times, unnecessarily, because I believed in the writings of others.

I realized God way before joining this forum. In a sense; all I've been doing here was trying to make sense of what has already been the case. Understand it. And also; share those understandings.

And in that, this forum has been very useful.

It's kind of a double-edged sword. One can fuck up their psychology here severely, if not careful. But one can also learn and grow at the speed of Light. It all depends on who's doing the work.

Thankfully, I managed to free myself from a few traps that I feel into, and most, avoid completely.

There is a lot of beauty and knowledge here. A lot to love. But one must know how to navigate these waters.

I will continue to be focused on the small picture for a while now, maintaining that tunnel vision. Occasionally I might share a word or two about God and stuff.

I always thought of myself more as a content creator here, than anything else. Hopefully I provided some value to others too, and not that much mental fuckery.

Thy Will be done.

[RickyFitts]

@ivankiss So much wisdom in that last post, Ivan - you really do have to develop discernment where spiritual communities are concerned, because mental masturbation and misguidedness can be rife. Interacting on forums like this one can be a real education in many ways. that's for sure.

Anyway, I'm very happy if you're going to be around for a little longer at least, I always had a lot of time for you my soul brother  

[ivankiss]

@RickyFitts Thank you, brother. Your words always warm my heart. I see your unconditional support and love, in regards to other users, too. I think it's a beautiful thing that you're doing. 

Much love and respect to you. Stay awesome!

[RickyFitts]

@ivankiss Bless you for your kind words, Ivan, that means so much - much love and respect to you too, brother, you stay awesome too!

[Matthew85]

5 hours ago, ivankiss said:

But it also granted me with a shitload of mental fog, confusion, distortion, etc. I chased my own tail many times, unnecessarily, because I believed in the writings of others.

@ivankiss You're welcome! 

One of things that has helped me the most in my journey is continuing to cultivate and sharpen my intuition. Regular spiritual practices have helped greatly with this. There are many well meaning very confused people in metaphysical and spiritual communities. Hone your intuition, so you can discern what is truth and verify it for yourself. 

 

[ivankiss]

@Matthew85 You speak the true-true.

I had issues with this irl, too. Not trusting my intuition. My gut. My mind and my heart.

Lesson learned the hard way. With a help of a beautiful soul, dressed up as a demon.

Thanks again. Much love.

[Matthew85]

@ivankiss You're welcome brother!

From what I have read in your posts, you are doing really well. Keep following your heart and what brings you joy. 

[ivankiss]

There is not much to be said these days, because there is a lot that is being done.

I'm basically living out everything I've scripted. Incredible.

Next week is going to be a huge breakthrough. God winked on me and pointed in a very specific direction earlier during meditation. Big transformation ahead.

I am very inspired and motivated. 

[ivankiss]

Big breakthrough, indeed. I am so much closer to actualizing certain ideas. And I already have, quite a few. I'm getting real good at this manifestation biz. And super fast, too. 

I still consider myself to be in WR1 phase, but I'm approaching WR2 rapidly. In fact; I could've already made the jump, but it would not be as smooth as if I was to give things a bit more time to unfold on their own. I really don't want to rush. Or force anything.

I'm working significantly less these days, at that dead-end job. Still there is no shortage of money. I usually get paid the same day, or week, so that's great. I got what was necessary and still managed to save up some. I don't go out, besides for a walk. It's noticable. I don't spend on meaningless stuff. Regarding trading; I'm still far from where I want to be, but I'm moving forward steadily. Big changes are happening mostly behind the scenes. Psychologically. And that's very important. More than half of the equation.

I made real good friends with solitude. I'm starting to love and enjoy it on a much deeper level now. I see all the gifts it has to offer. The power it holds. The less I notice anything outside of me, the more I'm being noticed. Sensing eyes on me, pretty much non-stop.

Music...

First single is coming together beautifully. I could not be happier with my musical endeavors. I'm back in it, fully. Imagination is set free. Writing is easy and filled with joy and passion. So much more wisdom and intelligence behind every melody, every rhythm.

I decided to start focusing on my vocals a bit more now. I want to get my voice all nice and ready for recording sessions. I've been neglecting it to some extent lately. To be honest; I was never truly consistent with any practice or exercise. So that's a must now.

If everything goes as planned, next week I should be renting a place/studio, where I'd  be able to practice without any disturbance, and later on start recording. Being too loud where I currently live is not an option. It just does not feel right. I cannot let go fully.

Body is healing, being aligned. Gaining weight nice and steady. Still not hitting the gym though. Maybe it will not be necessary, at all. It seems as if the breath has taken over, and plays quite a few roles now. My desired body shape is just behind the corner.

Significant changes regarding styling, too. I bought quite a few fancy pieces of clothing. Italy is just naturally inviting of self-expression, style and all that biz. 

All in all, feeling great. Very, very excited and motivated. And simultaneously, calm and at peace. Clear-headed. Focused.

There is no lack of faith anymore.

Edited October 21, 2021 by ivankiss

[ivankiss]

Important post in the 'consciousness' section:

 

[ivankiss]

Last night I was reminded what it is that I'm actually doing here and why. I was blessed with quite a few visions of my DR. 

My parallel self and life, are absolutely beautiful.

It's easy to loose touch with the vision, or dream, when descending into these roles I now must play out. It's easy to forget what it's all being done for.

It is still not time to start scripting my DR in deep detail, but I will share a few ideas, just to lay out the basics, and establish a stronger connection.

My DR is in Thailand. I'm working from home, trading. I have a gorgeous, bright and kind-hearted Thai girlfriend. I compose music. I write books and poems. Running a few accounts on social platforms. Enjoying the beautiful nature, as well as the city life. There is a holy, or sacred vibe to it all.

It feels like heaven.

From my current point of view, and with this tempo, I am six or so months away from making the jump. 

It could be done in three or four, but that would require even more sacrifice during this WR phase. I don't want to go through too much turbulence. It's better to take it easy, go slower, and allow the necessary changes to occur naturally, on their own. Without too much force behind the act.

Expending things a bit in my WR, too. I made a friend, I guess. He's a fellow musician, and a tattoo artist. Supposedly, he could hook me up with a place to practice and record.

Grabbing a drink with him tonight.

Went through a cleansing of some sort these past view days, with the assistance of an awesome user of this platform. Felt a lot, cried and laughed some, thought and contemplated. Great stuff. I am beyond satisfied with my ability to feel this deeply, across the whole emotional spectrum. As well as to think in all directions and dimensions.

Spending most of my time as the guardian. The protector. The 'heavenly masculine' - if you will. I am committed to completing this task. I notice nothing but the path I'm walking. The goal. The destination.

At night, when all is silent and still, the child comes out to play. Creativity and imagination. The divine feminine holds space, listens and encourages. Things are being harmonized, beautifully.

Thy Will Be Done.

 

[ivankiss]

Just a reminder; this 'script' is but an act of deluding myself. It's a story. Fiction. Just like anything else I'd tell myself would be. I simply enjoy telling stories, that's all.

Yes, in a sense I'm going through everything that I'm sharing here, and I am looking forward to actualizing these ideas. 

But the Truth of who I really am remains untouched by any of this. That is why I often struggle to relate to these writings. Because they're not truly me.

I am nothing, no one and nowhere. 

Everything, everyone and everywhere.