An open letter to the masculine

[Sine]

To the masculine.

Insights come to you quickly and violently. Explosions. Eroding you. Killing your fakeness in chunks. As your opposite, my insights arise on me slowly, grows in me as dandelions, with intense patience, cracking the parts of me that are locked and heavy, open for the sun to enter. Slowly, slowly killing the parts in me that are untrue.

As yet another crack into the light, I was suddenly stretching into this understanding; I can never lose you. And with this understanding, a lineage of fear started to loosen up, ready to be shaken off from my shoulders.

Wisdom is a rumor until it lives in the bones. Living this truth these days, I sit in silence and listen to every part of my body, embracing the impermanence with love, and for the first time, joy instead of fear. Certain that nothing is never really lost.

I lean back a little bit. There are birds in the sky and fruits on the trees and I am running on the field with my dog, faster and faster, arms wide open. Listening to your music. This song; eyes wide open. Remembering your eyes in the sun with your smile. It makes sense now. 

The lives I lived with you I no longer want to recognize. As I grow, looking back I am ashamed. Like Eve, realizing she was naked. Holding this part in me I whisper to myself; I did not know any better, I did not know how to protect myself.

I did not know how to protect you.

You think you hurt me but I promise I was letting you. This is the greatest sin but also yet another natural law. I want to embrace this part of me with love. I want to release myself from this now.

Blindly, I was reacting to every sensation. Controlled by the fear of losing you, losing protection, being without, and being alone. All alone, so alone.

I am finding the balance now, between cravings and aversions, finding a place to stand still and feel safe. How can you feel unsafe when you are on the path of God I remind myself. God is great. She is so great that I and everything I am and ever was, is included in everything he is, which is also you. And this is love. Forever love. Nothing else.

This eternal love is the love I want to resemble in my behavior towards you and every other being that you are and ever will be. I want to grow every day learning to love you better. Educating myself so I can press my forehead tenderly towards all your faces, assuring you that it is not possible for me to not embrace you.

It is within this love that I want to be your woman. Every woman I can be to every man you can be. With you, I recognize that no matter how great of an effort we put into separating ourselves from each other, there was never an end nor a beginning to our dance together. Please, twirl me one more time. I will look forward, with butterflies in my stomach, to the second I return back around, looking up into your eyes, whatever color they might be this time, waiting for your embrace.

x
The feminine.
Your silly dancer, always.

 

 

[SriSriJustinBieber]

Your writing is great! I enjoyed reading this, and the thing about insights is indeed very true in my experience, these 2 types of insight do exist and seem indeed to be related to feminine / masculine energies. I used to prefer masculine insights more some years ago and got very frustrated and impatient with the parts of me that would not dissolve this way.