UPDATE..so newbie females can learn from this. Moving on.

[ertopolice]

Hey there

Not my wish to be SO persistent with my issue i asked ur advised with in my last thread (regarding having met ad dated an intellectual guy i feel attracted towards)...but i learned the lesson the hard way. Too late in life but a learning after all on how attraction works (being an intellectual female..with over average look not rated by me so this is quite objective).

Writing a new thread so newbie females on dating for whatever the reason could learn from my experience.

 

 

OK. 

So the update and the learning.

You females who advised me on here/ read your post regrind this issue were totally right regarding the attraction rules. Never chase/pursue a man.  I will NEVER EVER again. 

*If u remember my thread, I was the one initiating all texting (he always replied politely and in 5 min time but never initiated..) 

He agreed a 1st date but did not fixed it. I had to make him to fix it.

The face to face date was ok...WAY TOO INTELLECTUAL. I did not let my fitting wishes to emerge. If I'd have flirted i'd have worked. We both share similar mindsets and passions). NEVER KEEP IT INTELLECTUAL even if you want to look polite and not too flirtatious. It has to be some flirting from date 1...otherwise...attracion is gone.

UPDATE AND CLOSING OF THIS INTERACTION WITH THIS PARTICULAR GUY

After 2 weeks I subtly suggested a 2nd date to asses his interest because it was kinda confusing he always replying and sharing so many interests and I liked the guy. His response was that he was preparing for and exam scheduled in 2 weeks (perhaps the definite date it's later on)...so I assume it's like "hey, do not contact me/text again..i am not interested"

He'll probably rejoin my gym this week. It's gonna be weird..

I feel kinda stupid because I have needed to be almost said NO to realized he did not like me.

HOW COME that can be that being over average i got this response with this guy? too much pursuing an 0 flirting? 

that might be the reason..

Trying to moving on...

 

 

[Emerald]

The thing to realize is that there are two facets to male attraction and one is shallow and the other is deep.

The shallow attraction is mostly physical. And MOST women will pass this bar. And this means that he’ll probably be keen to spend time with a woman who crosses this low bar… go on a date, kiss, have sex, etc.

Men are probably going to take the opportunity for low investment, easygoing female companionship if it’s offered to them. And if a woman’s interested, it will probably be flattering to him. So, the worst thing you can do is pursue him and make it too easy for him.

The deep attraction is one where a man is deeply invested and wants a relationship. And when a man truly invests, he’ll even be more committed than the woman.

So, if he feels less committed, it’s already a red flag.

So if you’re doing all the legwork to make this happen, you’re probably in the first category.

But you’re in your masculine trying to chase him and pursue him. But you should remember that you are the prize. And if a man isn’t realizing that and isn’t investing, the best thing to do is to move on.

My advice here in this situation is to lean back and let him contact you if he wants to. The ball is in his court. But don’t wait for it. Get your energy up off of him and put it into yourself. 

[Flowerfaeiry]

@ertopolice thanks for the update! It's good you're out there doing things and learning from them. My main tip for you is not to worry about being too flirtatious. As long as it's coming from a genuine place, allow your heart, rather than head, to lead. 

 

[Nos7algiK]

1 hour ago, ertopolice said:

You females who advised me on here/ read your post regrind this issue were totally right regarding the attraction rules. Never chase/pursue a man.  I will NEVER EVER again. 

Don't chase, just let whatever happens.
Don't be chased, just let whatever happens happens.

But, ideas comes from lack or fomo. Love does not need to be pursued in order for it to be achieved. It will just happen naturally in a way that is balanced and healthy. If the man does the chasing, it will just end in a different evolution of the same idea. Don't allow someone to give you some bs about what a men or a woman needs to do in a relationship.

As someone who's done both the chasing and being chased. I can assure you my current relationship is the most healthy and one of the main differences is no one was the one chasing in our relationship dynamics. Both of us were content, or should I say didn't feel the need to desire a relationship in general, and because of this the initial roots to our partnership were not bound in something we perceived as missing from us that we needed from the outside. But, rather compliments to what was already fulfilled inside of us.

[ertopolice]

Many many thanks for you valuable and fast reply @Emerald @Flowerfaeiry. It seems as if i were back to my teens with this issue that I cannot make it to think as an adult women. It's been so much time struggling with some other issues and compensating it with my high achieving that I lost i'd almost all my feminine power i guess. As a paradox, I worked hard on my physique and during all this time i made the best with the tools i got to put myself in the best possible scenario...but..

to the issue of relationships

 

i lack or have forgotten the basics...

@Emerald It was an "intellectual" 1st date with non flirting and not even any flirting texts. I think i've put it way it too clear that i am not an easy straightforward person to sex. Perhaps I've just been put in the friend zone category or as an annoying woman who is too intellectual and boring. Don't know. My plan for that 2nd date was to LOOSE IT and just keep it flirty and show a bit more of my feminine side. Let it go.

REGARDING YOUR ADVICE. I am sure its a very good one, but i think it's so optimistic providing he has not contacted me in all this time. In the best case scenario he has put me on the friend zone..so no way of risking. He should have decided by now if yes or not. So i assume no. 

@FlowerfaeiryThanks to you. Lesson learn for the next time. NOT SO INTELLECTUAL so he'd bite at some point and he'll keep attracted for a second date if everything goes right.

@Leo Gura Best tip  is to stop overcomplicating things as you advised..

and i'd ass to keep away this damm curse of feeling even obsessive attraction towards the intellectuals awell  :D. Thanks!

 

 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

@ertopolice Whenever you get needy, you usually get burned.

Fundamental principle of life. Doesn't just apply to dating.

Excessive attachment always ends in suffering.

The key to easy dating is to not get invested until sex. Keep your investment as close to zero as possible.

[Preety_India]

@Leo Gura I remember you telling me that a certain amount of neediness will always exist. Hmm. 

[diamondpenguin]

@Leo Gura

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@ertopolice Whenever you get needy, you usually get burned.

Fundamental principle of life. Doesn't just apply to dating.

Excessive attachment always ends in suffering.

The key to easy dating is to not get invested until sex. Keep your investment as close to zero as possible.

Now I Know why I've been fucking up so much in life. I'm the most needy sob there is on the earth. 

[Tudo]

5 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

But you’re in your masculine trying to chase him and pursue him.

But isn't feminine energy about creating relationships and connections? asking honestly

David Dieda says that.

Edited August 29, 2021 by Tudo

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Leo Gura I remember you telling me that a certain amount of neediness will always exist. Hmm. 

Yes

Which is why I say try to minimize attachment and investment. You will never reach the ideal of zero, otherwise you'd be dead.

Don't be a perfectionist. Just do your best. Make baby improvements. You don't need to hit perfection to have a great life.

[Tudo]

 

@Leo Gura If a guy is pursuing a girl is he being in his masculine?

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Tudo said:

 

@Leo Gura If a guy is pursuing a girl is he being in his masculine?

Depends on how he goes about it.

There is no problem with pursuing a girl. This is what a guy is supposed to do up to a point.

[Tudo]

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Depends on how he goes about it.

There is no problem with pursuing a girl. This is what a guy is supposed to do.

Yeah, I know. But I mean in an espefique way.

For example, if a girl already rejected him multiple times, but she keeps flirting with him even though she said she doesn't want it, but they already kissed once, if he keeps pursuing her, in the hope of fucking her, would he be in his feminine or masculine?

Edited August 29, 2021 by Tudo

[Preety_India]

10 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yes

Which is why I say try to minimize attachment and investment. You will never reach the ideal of zero, otherwise you'd be dead.

Don't be a perfectionist. Just do your best. Make baby improvements. You don't need to hit perfection to have a great life.

The current guy in my life pursued me relentlessly but not too much.. I found it very masculine that he chased me.i accepted it in my feminine. I did not judge him as needy for wanting me. I think it's a difficult terrain to decide love from neediness. If he wasn't needy I would have been turned off. And too much neediness would have screamed red flags and obsession. What he did was just a slow moderate balance. 

Edited August 29, 2021 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, Tudo said:

but she keeps flirting with him

If she is flirting then it's still on.

But you also shouldn't chase too much. Flirt a bit and let her come to you.

[Preety_India]

2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

But you also shouldn't chase too much. Flirt a bit and let her come to you.

I think something like this happened to me. He flirted a bit, I did not pay much attention. He flirted a little more. Then I went to him. 

 

[Tudo]

54 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If she is flirting then it's still on.

But you also shouldn't chase too much. Flirt a bit and let her come to you.

Yeah, but I pursued too much, appeared needy and desperate for too long. I feel she kind of loves me but she just can't open her heart completely to me.

I think the reason she doesn't trust her heart to me is that I was too needy.

David Deida says that after the feminine being realized that the desire of connection of the masculine one is bigger for too long, she will never trust him fully.

I think It's time to just give up, sadly. And find another girl.

And she is an extremely hot and attractive Brazilian woman ( top 1%). one of the most feminine creatures I have ever seen. Almost all men want her, so she has soo many options, so she will choose another guy that has never been too much needy and she trusts fully.

Edited August 30, 2021 by Tudo

[PepperBlossoms]

Maybe I am all wrong but I feel like a girl can initiate hanging out just as much as a guy can.

Rather than waiting around, if I want to hang out, I'd say try to make it happen - and fast - not waiting too too long.  Also want to establish what you are fairly quickly so you know if you are moving towards being a couple or just as friends.

If it does, it does.  If it doesn't, move on and try to find someone else.

I'd say yes there has to be a balance of both intellectual and emotional - not overly one or other but both.  Intellectual to keep it interesting and emotional to form a bond.

When the relationship works, both people will be initiating and not just one.

(But also everyone is different and what works for one couple/person doesn't necessarily work for another!)

Edited August 30, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[Bando]

This just seems like things didn't work out its not like you could have used any "tactics" to win him over if he wasn't interested. You improved your dating skills and your social calibration, now its time to move on. Its ok to get rejected its going to happen when you date around lol

[Emerald]

3 hours ago, Tudo said:

But isn't feminine energy about creating relationships and connections? asking honestly

David Dieda says that.

Yes, that’s a part of the feminine. But the feminine is all about being… not doing.

Pursuit and trying to win the guy over is about doing and is masculine.

And that means that leaning forward and pursuing will repel a man who is in his masculine like two North ends of a magnet.

The best thing to do is to lean back a little and let the guy do more of the approaching element.

Basically, the egg doesn’t go chasing the sperm.

When you create space in the relationship, it gives the man some room to miss you and to want yo and to pursue you.