Transparency and vulnerability

[Charlotte]

I am going to tell you guys something and this for me, is an act of vulnerability. Please, be sensitive in your responses. 

In lockdown I found myself in the most scariest position I have ever been in within this physical realm. My dog got his head stuck in some netting and was choking to death, in front of me, myself or him unable to break him free due to the strength of the cord/netting. 

 Screaming for help and in the most horrifying panic I have ever felt to date, a man heard my screams and came running to try and free him. For the most part of the longest 5 minute's of my entire life, he couldn't do it. He was suffocating before my eyes. 

After struggling and pulling and tearing his fingers apart he finally broke him free. 

From this event, it has now manifested itself into a huge fear of choking/suffocating (myself, others and even wild animals) and overprotective behaviour from myself to the dogs. 

I have just started reading the beginnings of a book called 'Feel the Fear and do it anyway' - By Susan Jeffers, and she says that the reason we fear is because we distrust ourselves, and our ability to handle whatever arises.

It then hit me... 

The reason this situation was so bad was because I was completely helpless toward saving his life and the situation as a whole. 

I cried. I was helpless and he was dying and I couldn't do shit. 

I have to accept this vulnerability that I *was* helpless and I had *zero* control. 

This is so hard to accept. 

Anyone any advice? I have had one EMDR session on this but I need more (I have been referred to a psychologist for further help).

Could you guys provide a spiritual or other perspective on this for me?

Thank you ???

[Flowerfaeiry]

The overprotective feeling you have is trying to protect you and your pup. Be grateful for it. Fear also exists as a protection method. A gratitude practice may help. Like sending energetic thanks to your neighbor and the universe that everything turned out ok. And when you're frustrated that you're being so overprotective say thank you to your fear because it is just trying to help. Sometimes practicing being ok with the unknown can help as well but it is a practice and takes time ❤

[RickyFitts]

I'm so, so sorry you had to go through this ordeal, Charlotte, that must have been so horribly frightening and upsetting for you 

I love you, my darling.

Edited August 28, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Charlotte]

@Flowerfaeiry @RickyFitts thank you so much guys. Ricky, really appreciate the compassion. So beautiful. Thank you, love you to ♥️??

[RickyFitts]

@Charlotte You're so welcome  

[Guest EmptyVase]

Maybe this perspective helps a bit: the fear you're feeling is fueled by the love you're feeling for your dog. Connecting back to that initial love, which breeds the maternal instinct in the first place, could perhaps help you to regain trust in life.

You could also try to express all of your fear (or love; or any other feeling you have) in the form of a letter to your dog. If you have a creative hobby, you could express through that medium. Expressing always seemed easier to me than accepting. Maybe it is for you too. Much love.

[RickyFitts]

32 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

Maybe this perspective helps a bit: the fear you're feeling is fueled by the love you're feeling for your dog. Connecting back to that initial love, which breeds the maternal instinct in the first place, could perhaps help you to regain trust in life.

Oh I love  this perspective, this is such a beautiful way of looking at it  And it's consistent with my impression of you when I read your initial post, Charlotte, I can feel so much love in it, mixed in with the fear and upset. 

Kinda reminds me of an Adyashanti quote I saw a while back that always stuck with me: 'We wouldn't grieve if we didn't love'. It's one of those lines that seems super-obvious when you think about it, and yet also deeply profound at the same time.

Edited August 30, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Cathal]

the feeling of powerlessness is terrifying, like physically. if we sit here and think about what that means most of us can't relate consciously because the feeling itself is very very traumatizing it usually gets suppressed at the very moment it surfaces, so i would just say you need to keep working on going back to the event until there's no 'charge' behind the trauma and process it more and more when you can get into those safe places with a therapist or whoever and also start reframing why it is you felt powerless and unable to deal with the situation yourself because i can see in your inability to accept what happened you are dealing with some shame that you couldn't handle this situation yourself because you froze up. i think this shame is the key to letting go.

was this the first time something traumatic happened and you were completely powerless?

[Nahm]

@Charlotte

Legos be a wonderful woman and a lovely dog, so convincingly, that it seems one of them could be lost. But the legos are never really lost, that would also be an appearance, of the legos. All which legos be’s can ask of the truth of legos inwardly, ‘can anyone really be lost?’, ‘can anyone really be saved?’, and the legos will unequivocally ‘speak’ the truth. 

[Surfingthewave]

@Charlotte Do you feel helpless in other parts of your life. 

Sounds like this fear is a metaphor for something bigger. 

What else is going on for you, do you feel things are out of your control in other areas? Look for the imbalance in your life. Something you really and truly love, you nearly lost, what does that mean for you? 

I'm sorry for what happened to your dog. 

[Charlotte]

On 30/08/2021 at 3:42 PM, EmptyVase said:

Maybe this perspective helps a bit: the fear you're feeling is fueled by the love you're feeling for your dog. Connecting back to that initial love, which breeds the maternal instinct in the first place, could perhaps help you to regain trust in life.

You could also try to express all of your fear (or love; or any other feeling you have) in the form of a letter to your dog. If you have a creative hobby, you could express through that medium. Expressing always seemed easier to me than accepting. Maybe it is for you too. Much love.

This is beautiful. Thank you for this. I will write a letter, love the idea. ?

On 30/08/2021 at 4:09 PM, RickyFitts said:

'We wouldn't grieve if we didn't love'. It's one of those lines that seems super-obvious when you think about it, and yet also deeply profound at the same time.

Absolutely. Thank you ??

@catcat69123 thank you for replying. I agree exposure to the situation would help. Like I mentioned I have undergone one EMDR session, in which shame did surface. There was a feeling of guilt underlying as I was helpless toward him. That's why I feel I need to accept the fact that I did have no control and I was myself helpless. 

Yes, to a degree and no. This is the first time a traumatic event has happened to somerhi I love deeply which I have bore witness to, the previous time it was myself. I was the victim. 

@Nahm as per, evoking deep contemplation, thank you for replying ?

@Surfingthewave yes, I have an overarching feeling to control in some areas. I experience OCD symptoms and have done for year's (I'm some areas) I am starting to see this may simply be a byproduct of overthinking. I am allowing myself to enter into environments in which I have to surrender and give over control and trust more. This has been so hard but unbelievably rewarding and insightful. 

[RickyFitts]

2 hours ago, Charlotte said:

Absolutely. Thank you ??

You're very welcome, darl

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Charlotte

I applaud you for your courage to be vulnerable and for sharing this here.

Couldn't agree more with this, I loved that you decided to share this with us, as harrowing and painful as it must have been for you. It was such a courageous thing to do, and I so hope it's been beneficial for you

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

My best advice here would be:

Give yourself time.

Give yourself all the time in the world.

Give yourself all the compassion in the world

And, and i know how hard this must be, don´t judge or hate yourself for not being able to help in this given instance.

Absolutely agree with this. You went through a really awful thing, Charlotte, and you've had to contend with a lot of difficulties in your life besides that - you deserve all the compassion in the world, my darling.

2 hours ago, Marcel said:

I have an exercise for you:

Its called Double Dissociation.

 

I want you to imagine that you are looking at yourself while this incident is happening as if you were a bystander and happened to see everything.

You can even go one step further then that and imagine that you are watching yourself watching yourself as the bystander.

And then just see how you feel.

Especially explore the fear of suffocating when you are doing this.

You may come to notice that the fear is smaller, if you look at it from a more distant standpoint, maybe it helps to diminish it or at least make it smaller. 

Oh I love  this, I'll definitely try this! Thanks for sharing, @Marcel  

[Alysssa]

This post made me cry.

I'm sorry, I have no good answer for you because I myself have no clue how to cope with this.

I have an old and sick dog that I'm very love and attached to.

She doesn't have a lot of time probably and I feel the same feeling like you described: I want to help but I have no control. 

I don't compare my situation to yours, what you went through is unimageable for me. it's like a nightmare.

It definitely caused you trauma and it's something that has to be handled carefully, It takes time

[Charlotte]

@Marcel this is really interesting and insightful, thank you so much. I started the practice and already had a small but growing reaction. Looks to be very promising, I don't know in what way exactly, but I will keep you posted. 

@RickyFitts you have the most beautiful words, thoughts and feelings. Thank you so much for your support on the forum. 

@Alysssa Thank you for your reply. Enjoy the time you have with your dog. Animals are absolutely profound ♥️???

[Alysssa]

@Charlotte Thank you♥

[RickyFitts]

@Charlotte You're so welcome, and thanks, really, for sharing your story, I was so touched by it <3