How to go about making sure you have the right partner?

[Aaron p]

So my focus in life has been philosophy now for the majority of my life...self improvement, growth, spirituality, mysticism etc. (This will continue to be one of my primary focuses)

And I've had girlfriends, but not very serious ones. I'm only maturing a lot recently see, and I feel like I'm at the point where I'm mature enough to contemplate having proper relationships with girls. 

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

I mean... logically I could assume that dating is like test driving lots of different cars. The thing is, I haven't been seriously talking to a lot of different kinds of girls...and I've recently got into a relationship with a girl. She seems pretty level headed, she likes spirituality, she's a powerful thinker.

I think my primary question is this...with having no serious relationships whatsoever up until now, would it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground? I mean, the girl seems nice and I resonate with her...but I don't Wana put all my eggs in one basket in a sense.

 

What's your guys thoughts?

[JosephKnecht]

2 hours ago, Aaron p said:

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

You can never know if its the right or not. On some level, you have to have faith. 

But if you want to find out practically if you guys are good for each other, go on vacation together. Don't preplan everything and allow the vacation to be a sort of adventure. 

If you enjoy your vacation, then you have a good partner. If you hated your life after the vacation, keep searching for someone more compatible.

The vacation will serve as a preview of your life together going into an unknown future.

And you surely need to have joy with your partner in that future. 

 

[Aaron p]

9 minutes ago, JosephKnecht said:

You can never know if its the right or not. On some level, you have to have faith. 

But if you want to find out practically if you guys are good for each other, go on vacation together. Don't preplan everything and allow the vacation to be a sort of adventure. 

If you enjoy your vacation, then you have a good partner. If you hated your life after the vacation, keep searching for someone more compatible.

The vacation will serve as a preview of your life together going into an unknown future.

And you surely need to have joy with your partner in that future. 

 

Haha that's so awesome thanks man

[aurum]

10 hours ago, Aaron p said:

So my focus in life has been philosophy now for the majority of my life...self improvement, growth, spirituality, mysticism etc. (This will continue to be one of my primary focuses)

And I've had girlfriends, but not very serious ones. I'm only maturing a lot recently see, and I feel like I'm at the point where I'm mature enough to contemplate having proper relationships with girls. 

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

I mean... logically I could assume that dating is like test driving lots of different cars. The thing is, I haven't been seriously talking to a lot of different kinds of girls...and I've recently got into a relationship with a girl. She seems pretty level headed, she likes spirituality, she's a powerful thinker.

I think my primary question is this...with having no serious relationships whatsoever up until now, would it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground? I mean, the girl seems nice and I resonate with her...but I don't Wana put all my eggs in one basket in a sense.

 

What's your guys thoughts?

The right partner is ultimately the one you decide to commit to.

There is no perfect partner waiting in the ether. You create one by deciding to go all in.

Of course, there are some people with red flags. I’m not suggesting abandoning all boundaries. But at a certain point, you just have to pick someone and commit.

[Leo Gura]

The right partner is all about values alignment.

Know your core values and quickly figure out her's.

There should be a significant overlap in values otherwise your relationship has no chance.

Spiral Dynamics is helpful here. She must be close your stage.

[Preety_India]

Yes. I agree with @Leo Gura.

It's about alignment of values. 

 

[Girzo]

I do the first few exercises from the Life Purpose Course about value discovery with every girl I date. 

I just bring paper and markers to a date and we have fun scribbling and discussing our core values.

[mamad]

you have no idea what you should looking for and what you find attractive in your partners when you are new to serious relationships. its a road of mastery . you need experience of being in serious relationships for at least 5 years to be able to determine if someone is proper for you or not.

enjoy the journey

[hamedsf]

if you wanna consider her for long-term relationship or even as a marriage partner, put her through some tests.

if she acts out like a child, time to reconsider, if she acts like she's gonna support you, she's the keeper! 

 

Edited August 29, 2021 by hamedsf

[Aaron p]

 

 

On 28/08/2021 at 8:49 PM, Leo Gura said:

The right partner is all about values alignment.

Know your core values and quickly figure out her's.

There should be a significant overlap in values otherwise your relationship has no chance.

Spiral Dynamics is helpful here. She must be close your stage.

@Leo Gura would it be fair to say that people who develop themselves extremely fast are more likely to be alone since it'd be hard to find someone who grows at the exact same rate as you?

 

On 28/08/2021 at 8:49 PM, Leo Gura said:

 

Edited September 12, 2021 by Aaron p

[JonasVE12]

Once you gain enough experience in meeting different kind of women, you'll quickly gain a sense for what you like and don't like. Know your own values and see what their values are. If they match, that is a proper foundation for a good relationship. Experience teaches you this. 

Who are you as a person? What does your life look like? What does your future look like? Do you want to explore and have adventures? Are you intellectual? Spiritual? How can she connect to your life? How can you bring her along in a way that is fulfilling for you both and has both of your best interest in mind? What are her goals, ambitions, her future plans? How can you you connect to that? Can you both be part of something bigger? 

You can connect to someone on many different levels - Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, sexually. The ideal relationship has connection on all these levels. 

Go into the relationship with the mentality of 'I stay with you as long as we are having a good time and staying connected - Once any of us don't feel like the relationship is benefiting us, we can walk away. We don't owe each other anything'. That way you allow yourself to stay open to experiment and explore different people without guilt. Make sure she feels that way too. 

 

[flume]

I once asked someone "How do I know I'm with the right person?" and he answered "When you don't ask yourself that question anymore."

[Barbella]

6 hours ago, flume said:

I once asked someone "How do I know I'm with the right person?" and he answered "When you don't ask yourself that question anymore."

Really? Is that even possible and realistic?

[WonderSeeker]

On 8/28/2021 at 4:59 AM, Aaron p said:

Does Leo have any videos about how to make sure your partner is the right one? 

He doesn't, but here's something powerful I learned from a dating coach recently. 

In seduction, you need to ask her qualifying questions when you're getting to know her for the first time. Qualify her. You want a certain girl, so show them that through your inquisitive interest.

You say you're into philosophy and spirituality, right? That probably means you read a lot. Maybe say something like "Hey, you seem intelligent. What books do you read." Or maybe "Hey, you have a chill vibe; are you spiritual." By qualifying her early, you can rate her on your own personal scale and then decide if you want to date or not.

On 8/28/2021 at 4:59 AM, Aaron p said:

[W]ould it be safe to assume that my very first serious relationship should be seen as a testing ground?

Of course! 

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXB80VEaRQQ

 

[Aaron p]

turns out shes badshit crazy lol

 

*exit sign lights up*

 

 

[Nahm]

Falling in love is very much like awakening. Seems like you’re the thinker, and the thoughts, strategizing, planning, etc all matter. LOL but they don’t. It’s all a facade. The thought narrative about you doing isn’t actual, it’s apparent. Thoughts which are a smokescreen to the fact you are presently love in love. Sounds conflicting if you think about it.