I seem to have developed Social Anxiety!?

[Seed]

Hello wise ones.

Whereas I have always swung more towards intoversion and been a little shy. I have rarely felt 'held back' by this part of my personality and have had enough mental strength to overcome it. It's always been there, but never delibated me. And one of those things that is more in my head and goes away when I am actually with people and in the moment! 

However, recently, which may because of the recent lockdown and the general toll of life. It's become an actual problem !!! As in when I am with people I feel myself 'seize up' and my mind goes blank and I feel I want to avoid people at all costs. I can't think of anything funny or interested to say and feel dead. I am not sure whether this is just a natural part of who I am and should accept it or whether there is anything I can do?

I want to go back to being more carefree. I don't know why I have suddenly starting to getting so nervous?! My mind just becomes really dense and I can't even form words in my brain. I am 32 years old and have never found communicating so difficult before. It's the weirdest thing! My brain goes into overdrive and I just cant speak. 

Is this social anxiety?

Does anyone have any advice / tips?

Thanks!!!! 

[Charlotte]

Hey Mrs. I am sorry to hear you are going through this. If it makes you feel better, I seemed to of developed this pattern after lockdown as well. Whereas, prior I was fine. 

I can't say I have the answer sweet because I don't, I will say a few things however. 

1. Be mindful of a narrative that may seed (get it ?) and sprout ?, all of a sudden you have this narrative of, 'I suffer with social anxiety'. You will then embody this within an identity level embodiment and before you know it, you will 'have' social anxiety. 

2. Have you observed what is happening in the mind in these situations? The content/speed/tone etc? With me I found it is an avoidance of silent (moments) so I go 'blah blah blah blah'. So I am now challenging this and sitting inside the silence's, as fucking uncomfortable as that is ?.

3. Keep meeting with people, talking being in social situations, don't stop. When the nerves arise, observe, accept, breath and continue. Exposure. Could just be because of the lockdown, an adverse reaction possibly? Which you are now a little rusty with.

???

Edited August 28, 2021 by Charlotte

[Shaul]

I don't come with answers but I can definitely sympathize. A shared sorrow is half a sorrow, right? 

For me the change was very drastic. I came back from my travels around the world just before the pandemic started. Imagine taking an active and social guy who enjoyed being outdoors, meeting hundreds of new people on average per month, covering lots of distance a day AND one day seating him on a chair in front of the computer for a whole year to study through zoom. The effects were detrimental to me. My social interactions diminished almost to zero and instead of crossing countries I crossed my living room to get from the chair to the fridge. I felt I am closing myself off even when there wasn't a quarantine and even from my best friends. Like isolation was my new homeostasis. I know that this is not me.

Give yourself some credit that you are passing through unusual times, it is temporary and that too shall pass (I saying this advice to myself as well).

1 hour ago, Seed said:

Whereas I have always swung more towards intoversion

P.S I would say take out from your head this idea of introversion and extroversion. These are just tags. In reality, people are much more fluid and they move on the spectrum depending on the situation. Identifying with one of them will just make you stuck ( just like Charlotte advised you to not hung up on a term like 'social anxiety').

 

[SaltyMeatballs]

I think awareness and observation is key. As @Charlotte pointed out, observe your thoughts and feelings about these situations and journal them. Then contemplate.

For example, when I am talking to someone I might get a thought: "I am an introvert, therefore I find it hard to be witty". Without reacting or getting upset, I notice that thought and when it's convenient I write it down.

Then I dig deeper and challenge that belief / assumption. I might ask questions such as:

- Is this true? What evidence do I have?

- If it was true once, how did it serve me to hold that belief?

- If you absolutely knew that this was not true, how would you think or behave differently?

Keep chipping away at it using logic and reason. Adopting different perspectives also helps. So instead of being reactive you become like a curious scientist.

Also try exposing yourself to more challenging situations and push your comfort zone a bit, this has helped me alot.

 

 

 

[Seed]

Thank you so much! All great responses and so helpful. I do agree, a lot of it is to do with my belief system getting futher entrenched and I need to find a way out. Lockdown has certainly emphaised any emotional havoc that we have, that is certain!

It is weird, as when we first were 'allowed' out again, I was fine, I think due the excitement and adrenaline of it all... but these beliefs seem to have  crept up on me.

I think just keeping on being out and about as much as possible is key! Keeping on ploughing through. 

Thanks all! 

 

[mememe]

try to get out of self observation mode. the problem with social anxiety is focus on self. instead focus on other, be other. try to find out how that feels at least. might help.