Going Astray, Profound insight, what I realize

[goldpower123]

As I write this post this is me as God talking to myself.

I remember it. The honeymoon phase. A change of heart, a glimpse of the light, new blood, It was magnificent, I found the elixir. It was absolutely a special and romantic period of my life, I remember having so many backlashes and failures to get it on this No Fap challenge and changing at the core.

The benefits of this has paid off to this very day, about 9 months later, where I find my soul more contracted and the Ego has taken more front seat. I've been suffering the consequences of this, slacking off, feeling fear, playing the victim and wallowing in the mud of my old self here and there, while still trying to keep 'healthy' and claim innocence. This deep un-satisfaction and pain must be acknowledged.

The benefits of that victory are still there. I remember believing in myself. The realization of this has lately shocked me deeply, there's no way I can ignore this, and I've been internalizing the level of sincerity and seriousness of how fucking important the personal spiritual development work is. I have my whole entire life on the line here. Today I have been contemplating my entire life, both the good events, what's my direction, my internal destiny, where will I end up, etc. 

Glimpsing Truth changed everything. I am more hyper aware of everything now, energies I pick up from people, my own internal state. It's like the metaphysical and physical realms are more interwoven. These are conceptualizations yes. I'm beginning to see the exponential potential rollover effect if I wholeheartedly, sincerely, absolutely commit to this Truth with every ounce of courage, strength, will and might I can muster inside of me, carnally and spiritually. I can also see the potential effect of great suffering and psychosis if I don't do anything, give up, go back to my old ways for long enough. To get to that I would literally have to 'consciously choose' that option, I would be 'consciously choosing' to do nothing, metaphorically it's like God is showing me the options. Energy never dies.

It's going to be a fight. True love requires absolute commitment and self sacrifice. I realize that if I want this Truth, Divine love and good things in life, I will have to give up a lot and work a lot. This has fueled some level of purpose again and inspiration to being fucking alive and my entire direction, what I'm supposed to be doing. This is like why I'm alive at all. It's to experience the Truth of all I am. I know that unconditional love from God is really the only thing that can fulfill me and the source of inspiration for doing all things in life.

This is how I am feeling and the conclusions I'm drawing from where I'm at in my life so I thought I would share this profound insight