BF is afraid of ejaculation. Suspect Trauma. How to help him to resolve?

[Nahm]

 Oh how radiant you are, what a joy! 

1 hour ago, Vzdoh said:

Hey dear Nahm, that's a lot of text and it probably took you a long time to write this piece up! So I deeply appreciate the effort! A bit clearer than your previous posts  So I think I understood like 80% of it

It’s just a comment, took a few seconds. That 20%… one is in the position to ask, to look for clarity, or to project the current understanding, (or of course simply not interested). 

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However, you are taking my other post about my needs not satisfied fully in a relationship and extrapolating it to "I am not able to meet my needs on my own, therefore, I am looking to meet them externally". This is quite a wild extrapolation, to be honest! :)))

We’re close to actual communication, will inevitably be in communion. Can it be seen, in a plain and ordinary manor, that is what you’re saying I said, but that is not what I said, what I’m saying, nor how I think? 

What arise upon contemplating… precisely when does the need to tell someone else what they said / are saying arise? 

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Let's deconstruct the needs into a few buckets and from there, it will be much easier for me to showcase what needs I am talking about.

Needs I am taking care on my own:

- need for self-love and self-acceptance

- need to give love to and care about  others

Needs I am taking care of with the help of friends/family/colleagues/clients:

- need for social circle and interaction

- need for spiritual connection

- need for serving others

- need to give love to and care about  others

- need to receive love and care from others

- need for physical presence/interaction

Needs I am taking care of in a romantic relationship:

- need for intimate/sexual connection

- need for spiritual connection

- need to give love to and care about the other

- need to receive love and care for the other

 

So from the above, when I was talking about my needs are not fully met, I meant - need for intimate/sexual connection/intimacy/physical presence (I am super tactile) and as you can see, this need can only be primarily met in a romantic relationship, can't be met fully by friends or family or colleagues or even on my own even if I try super hard - bottom line is - intimate interaction is only possible with a romantic partner. Now does it make me vibrationally clingy or looking for people whose vibration is to meet the needs of others? I don't think so! This is a very normal need in a romantic relationship and fulfilling it is actually the entire point of a romantic relationship, apart from spiritual connection and giving/receiving love. 

And even further extrapolation you made from me simply stating that this particular need is not fully met is that I ONLY look for romantic relationships where I ONLY look to meet MY OWN NEEDS. This can't be further from the truth! I am in a romantic relationship to give love and meet the needs of the other for connection. But of course I do expect that since I sincerely want to meet the needs of my partner, he will have the same attitude towards my needs as well..

What happened / happens, when none of your needs are met? This could be useful. 

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Not sure if I am making sense...but this is my logic and you are simply looking and extrapolating from a small point into a big ass problem :)))

Problems are very similar to needs and projections.