I might need some help

[Ilan]

I will do it short, if you want the full story. Go on my journal but in October 2020 I went in psych ward after spiritual madness. The funny thing is that this madness was part of the healing. I was finally healing all of my traumas, I just needed some time but I’ve been catched. Forced highly dosage of antipsychotic which locked eveything in myself and stopped the healing process, since then I’m sick, completely dysfonctional, Completely low conscious. I want to vomit all day can’t get out of bed, filled with hate. I’m not seeing any solution except putting a bullet in my head. But recently I had the idea of maybe a miracle could happen to me. I never tried 5meo dmt as I was too scared to do it before and recently told myself maybe one trip could heal me ? I’m really scared cause my body is full of resistance now. I try lsd after the psych ward(the dosage that I would normally enjoy and be in heaven with before) and it was hell as my whole body resisted it. What are your thoughts on this ? I’m sorry to be such a leesh of love here but I’m deeply disconnected from love as I’m from health right now. 

[TripleFly]

relax your spiritual high wouldn't have lasted long regardless of the meds. 

It's like you're on some sort of delay with yourself.

breath and let the shit show unfold itself...

stop with the psychedelics, get therapy.

how can you ask people on this forum to help you

you need professional help dude seek therapy...

What love?? are you an idiot? You sound like a big one. GET HELP MAN!

[Thought Art]

I am gonna say, given your brief history here no one on the forum should be advising you to take 5meo.

There is a way out of your situation, though. We Got you. 

Set a long term horizion. Things get ugly before they get better. 

Begin on your journey towards groundedness and clarity. 

I totally relate to feeling frustrated about life and reality. I have ups and downs as I am facing myself and reality, truth, the unknown, my history of extreme anxiety and depression etc.

You will figure this out. And it will be better than you ever imagined.

Just, start making a plan and make small efforts everyday.

I personally think Qigong would be great as an alternative. 

Qigong will help you lower stress, improve the bodies natural energetic equalibrium and give you something you can practice, explore and improve upon each day. Qigong is like exploring the castle of your body to discover new things.

Qigong helps you

• Lower Stress
• more energy
• deeper meditation
• Discover your Qi or life for energy
• Develop awakenings into the heart, body, and nervous system
• Sleep better
• Improve back comfort by strengthing and stretching muslce and the spine in all directions
• improve blood flow to the brain
• Qigong practioners have on average something like 1.5 to 2 times average deeper and fuller breadths than those who don't practice... More oxygen is good
• etc

Something 5meo showed me personally, or I made up for myself is the game of...

This moment is completely perfect for me to feel into my body, to stretch, breath, relax and be 100% in love with what I am doing. Whenever I go on a yoga mat, for me I tell myself I have 100% just won the game of reality. 

"None of the thoughts I am having are real. How do I know? Because my state is hellish and full of suffering. I give myself permission to completely relax and explore my nervous system."

By creating my own meaning I am learning to Win Totally everyday in small ways.

I am still on my journey

https://www.holdenqigong.com/

Keep getting professional help as well

Edited August 28, 2021 by Thought Art

[Ilan]

4 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

I am gonna say, given your brief history here no one on the forum should be advising you on whether or not to take 5meo.

There is a way out of your situation, though. We Got you. 

 

Thanks for the reply. 

[Thought Art]

I love you buddy, it's gonna be okay.

 

[Ilan]

Holly fuck, it has been 10month I’ve been thinking the whole painting of my life has been completely shattered by this psych ward. And you are making me believe that maybe I can make an even more beautiful painting out of it. You make me believe. You are making faith entering my soul @Tought Art.

Take care 

[Thought Art]

It's part of the divine happening, part of the Tao. The road must go up and down. 

That is exactly what you will do! Make something beautiful.

It'll be worth it.

Edited August 27, 2021 by Thought Art

[dorg]

Read anything by Paul Levy. What he thinks of Psychiatrist and Psychiatry is illuminating. His experience with Psych ward and yours sound similar. Stay away from it and them. They are still in the dark ages. I have read Paul's "Dispelling Wetiko."

Edited August 28, 2021 by dorg

[Ilan]

Lol don’t worry I know this, My soul has been raped by the stage Orange devil.

[taotemu]

My advice is to NOT take 5MeO-DMT.  Your psyche is too unstable and the results could be catastrophic.  Don't look for a quick fix of your problems, but work on eating well, sleeping well and getting exercise.  Make your life as simple as possible.

[Endangered-EGO]

@Ilan Don't take psychedelics, if you have side effects from antipsychotics, talk about it to the psychiatrist.

 

Psychedelics can worsen your situation, and your not stable.

Especially if you're not stable psychedelics are going to worsen psychosis and schizophrenia.

 

Leo said it. If you have troubles with psyche, don't take psychedelics.

 

If you want to talk about awakening, ask a teacher who is familiar with what you're going through.

 

Every teacher is going to tell you;"Keep taking your medication and do this and that".

 

No stupid things! No spiritual or physical suicide!

[Ilan]

@taotemu @Endangered-EGO thanks for your good intentions but I think you do not get my situation. I’m not having a down like I used to have always before my psych ward and always knew that I would overcome it. Even when it was very dark. Since this poisoning(let’s call a cat a cat) life energy stopped completely to circulate in myself. I used to go to the gym and run at 17kilometers per hour during 30minutes. (And this even when I was feeling down, maybe when I was feeling down I did 15kilometers per hour) but now I can’t function. I can’t even go for a run 8km/hour. When I say I need a miracle. I mean it. When I tell you I want to vomit all day I mean it. Chemical poison entered my body during 1month and a half at very high dosages. And I get it, some people just get out of it fine. I can even imagine that it does good to some people(even though I highly doubt it, maybe they feel better but the energy in them certainly reduce. It maybe diminishes their pain by making them dysfunctional) but to me. I don’t know if my body is made differently but this ruined completely my body/mind. 

[Breakingthewall]

@Ilan When did you stop the antipsychotics? I deduce that many months. what you say is happening to you sounds quite mysterious, a large-scale energy blockage. 5meo is an energy releaser. maybe trying low doses is not such a bad idea. but before that I would try meditation for several hours a day, no matter how difficult it may be at first, to feel yourself, what is happening in you

[Ilan]

11 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

@Ilan When did you stop the antipsychotics? 

For the same reason you would stop drinking a glass of mercury every day 

[Ilan]

Sorry I read « why » .. I stopped them 10month ago, they also forced me to take lithium after I stoped that too. And now when the pain is too powerful take some benzo. The « funny » thing is that I never needed any benzo before psych ward.. sorry if there’s some hatred in my post.

[Ilan]

@Breakingthewall thanks for your reply 

[Ilan]

@Windappreciator take care 

[Windappreciator]

@Ilan No  not for you

[Ilan]

@Windappreciator ? 

[Thought Art]

13 hours ago, taotemu said:

My advice is to NOT take 5MeO-DMT.  Your psyche is too unstable and the results could be catastrophic.  Don't look for a quick fix of your problems, but work on eating well, sleeping well and getting exercise.  Make your life as simple as possible.

Yes, wait a few years and gauge you well being and mental health.