Orgasming to envy/jealously

[Javfly33]

Ok so before you say anything i know this is fucked Up What Im going to say, But regardless how fucked Up It is, this where "Im at" and would like insight in how could i stop feeling this way.

So basically i was scrolling Twitter and i found a Girl I've been talking to recently, a second account of her which is oriented to Ask for payments for things. Clothing, drinks, sometimes this Girls even Ask payments for the condoms she going to use with his bf ???.

The thing is, discovering that she was getting easy money from betas made me SO bitter and jelous. I used to do this too so that maybe didnt help. (I talked with this Girl for free since a long time, shes a stunner ok)

Long story short, i got so hard while this feeling of bitterness and hate and envy was arising, that i couldnt hold It anymore and i said, fuck It, and i cum to the screenshots of the PayPal payments she recently received. The fact that in the screenshot description theres usually a text of the Girl lauging of how "loser" the Guy he payed her is, also makes me even more bitter/hateful. The PayPal payment of 100€ especially was really hurtful ( she also had others of smaller amounts of recent days that easily amounted to maybe ~80€, But those are more normal. But 100€? Cmon!!).

 

 Why i feel so envy jealous bitter and hateful of this Lucky girls ? 

Why i Dont feel the same way of drug dealers, exxon mobile CEO, Donald Trump, etc if they are more ruthless people and make way lots more money??

And especially WHY THE FUCK I cum AND GET HARD to that feeling?? Which is basically "negative"(bitterness, envy, hate,etc)

Edited August 28, 2021 by Javfly33

[Javfly33]

@Emerald I Hope you can provide me with some insight here girl

[flowboy]

@Javfly33 This book would be perfect for you If what I'm saying doesn't make sense, consider reading it.

 

My interpretation: you are lucky, because you are aware of an enjoyment that most people would be unaware of.

This humiliating thing used to happen to you. Why? Because your subconscious enjoyed it.

The solution? Make the enjoyment conscious.

Your body is helping you transform it by making you hard.

Enjoy it without judging it or yourself for it, as much as you feel like, and it will fade away after some time.

Edited August 27, 2021 by flowboy

[Gesundheit2]

Because you have low consciousness.

[SamC]

55 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Ok so before you say anything i know this is fucked Up What Im going to say, But regardless how fucked Up It is, this where "Im at" and would like insight in how could i stop feeling this way.

So basically i was scrolling Twitter and i found a Girl I've been talking to recently, a second account of her which is oriented to Ask for payments for things. Clothing, drinks, sometimes this Girls even Ask payments for the condoms she going to use with his bf ???.

The thing is, discovering that she was getting easy money from betas made me SO bitter and jelous. I used to do this too so that maybe didnt help. (I talked with this Girl for free since a long time, shes a stunner ok)

Long story short, i got so hard while this feeling of bitterness and hate and envy was arising, that i couldnt hold It anymore and i said, fuck It, and i cum to the screenshots of the PayPal payments she recently received. The fact that in the screenshot description theres usually a text of the Girl lauging of how "loser" the Guy he payed her is, also makes me even more bitter/hateful. The PayPal payment of 100€ especially was really hurtful (before you say its fake, yeah It could be But anyway she had others of smaller amounts of recent days that easily amounted to maybe ~80€, and those are very real believe me, a lot of Girls get them just by posting a few pics here and there).

 

So What IS this???? Why i feel so envy jealous bitter and hateful of this Lucky girls ? 

Why i Dont feel the same way of drug dealers, exxon mobile CEO, Donald Trump, etc since they hurt way more people and make lots more money??

And especially WHY THE FUCK I CUM and GET HARD to that feeling?? Which is basically "negative"(bitterness, envy, hate,etc)

Thanks for sharing this bro, it's super interesting. I think that this somehow is related to internal shame and that you cum becuase you envision yourself subconsciously to be that beta male that give her the money + that you now have got what you wanted... but only by creating a situation where she will give it to you ( paying).

The same dynamic I belive occurs in voyeristic fetishes aswell where you get turned on by the fact that you now get what you want and the woman can't deny you that experience.

Edited August 27, 2021 by SamC

[mandyjw]

I want, I don't want, I want, I don't want, I WANT, I DON'T WANT. 

What do you want?

[Javfly33]

55 minutes ago, flowboy said:

@Javfly33 This book would be perfect for you If what I'm saying doesn't make sense, consider reading it.

 

My interpretation: you are lucky, because you are aware of an enjoyment that most people would be unaware of.

This humiliating thing used to happen to you. Why? Because your subconscious enjoyed it.

The solution? Make the enjoyment conscious.

Your body is helping you transform it by making you hard.

Enjoy it without judging it or yourself for it, as much as you feel like, and it will fade away after some time.

Idk i used to feel this way occasionally (envy) 5 years ago when i met this Girl. The i forgot her and It passed, But the thing that feeling was before discovering the fetish itself

[Javfly33]

4 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

I want, I don't want, I want, I don't want, I WANT, I DON'T WANT. 

What do you want?

I Dont know. @mandyjw I Guess I want to know What i want ??

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

@Emerald I Hope you can provide me with some insight here girl

This might help you understand a bit.

Basically, an orgasm is a discharge of sexual energy.

And a trauma is where unprocessed emotional energy is stuck in the body.

So if this dynamic is a trigger that brings your unprocessed emotional energy to the surface, then this creates a block (or more accurately a "squeeze") on your sexual energy. And the energy builds up quickly and with more pressure.

It's like if there's a kink in a hose, and all the water pressure build up and the water comes out harder, faster, and stronger. 

And this is why, when our traumas get engaged and triggered, they can create a really quick and strong pathway to orgasm.

And for you, it seems like your trauma might relate to feelings of inadequacy, inferiority, jealousy, and the like.

So, to resolve this, you'll want to sit with the emotions that arise and meditate on them. Body scan meditation is a good option.

[hamedsf]

you might have sexual fantasies towards payment screenshots. 

[charlie cho]

@Javfly33 thanks for the entertainment. Your story really made my day. 

Well, I can somewhat sympathize with you. There are times we can get turned on by hating a woman. Like when you really really hate a woman so much you somehow want to destroy her. It's funny. I think it's natural. 

Edited August 27, 2021 by charlie cho

[Epikur]

Well money is a big thing in the US culture. So connecting sex and money in some way makes sense to some degree.

[Adamq8]

Question for you, do you feel that you could watch a girl you find attractive get fucked by another guy?

[Javfly33]

58 minutes ago, Adamq8 said:

Question for you, do you feel that you could watch a girl you find attractive get fucked by another guy?

14 hours ago, hamedsf said:

 

21 hours ago, mandyjw said:

 

Hehehehe, oh if i knew....

Not very long ago I heard wall to wall how my i Girl i started liking was fucked for over an hour.

To .make things even more juicy It happeend when i was at the comedown of AN acid trip... Honestly i Dont know if that was good or bad, if made the acceptance more easy or not, i defintely rolled through the bed several times in Pain ?

[Javfly33]

@Emerald Thank youuu ??

[Windappreciator]

18 hours ago, Emerald said:

 

And a trauma is where unprocessed emotional energy is stuck in the body.

Well I have a lot of that in my chest 

Not gonna lie.

I'm not sure if this is all that  trauma is though. But it feels somewhat that it is this direction.

Edited August 28, 2021 by Windappreciator

[Adamq8]

2 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

Hehehehe, oh if i knew....

Not very long ago I heard wall to wall how my i Girl i started liking was fucked for over an hour.

To .make things even more juicy It happeend when i was at the comedown of AN acid trip... Honestly i Dont know if that was good or bad, if made the acceptance more easy or not, i defintely rolled through the bed several times in Pain ?

Harsh, or it depends on how you feel about it ofcourse, a nightmare or a bliss experience ?

I am certainly open for such a thing but I have no idea how I would handle it IRL and not just as a fantasy.

But that kind of sexual fantasy has grown forth since I started working on my self, years ago I was jealous as fuck and get mad, not anymore, atleast not extreme.

But I think somehow that you could appreciate that sorta thing too, but it is trying to either solve it and look within or you should try out different sexual experiences 

[Javfly33]

@Adamq8 you probably wont believe this, But at the end of the fucking. The Pain was so unbearable, that i actually said "fuck It, Im going to enjoy It" and i actually fucked myself in the ass while jerking myself off, thinking i was the Girl imagining i was being fucked.

Im not gay, But when you Dont fuck in Life, Life fucks you. Sometimes you have to learn to enjoy It. It was one of my best jerk offs of my Life.

Yeah i have started to find groups to go out and approach. With some luck i Will be Able to trascend this painful phase in a couple of years if Im Lucky.

[Adamq8]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

@Adamq8 you probably wont believe this, But at the end of the fucking. The Pain was so unbearable, that i actually said "fuck It, Im going to enjoy It" and i actually fucked myself in the ass while jerking myself off, thinking i was the Girl imagining i was being fucked.

Im not gay, But when you Dont fuck in Life, Life fucks you. Sometimes you have to learn to enjoy It. It was one of my best jerk offs of my Life.

Yeah i have started to find groups to go out and approach. With some luck i Will be Able to trascend this painful phase in a couple of years if Im Lucky.

 

Well you turn something "negative" into something positive, and thats great, and there is nothing wrong about being open to different sexual experiences, it is growing you in many different ways, kudos to you, you are admitting the feelings, which is a good step imo.

If you need any help im available brother.

 

[Javfly33]

@Adamq8 thanks my man really appreaciate It ??