Fear of making others jelaous

[Tefikos]

Hi, I would need a little help on, how should I proceed on rewiring a belief about, being afraid of making others jelsous of me and then sabotaging all success. I have carried this belief from early childhood and since, I haven't subconsciously allowed myself to perform better than others around me, no matter how much I practice. It really feels like I hurt others and then, I don't get any love from them. 

[hamedsf]

let me tell you something. haters gonna hate. jealous people gonna be jealous. that's 100% and you can't stop it.

your belief isn't rational. build a high-quality life for yourself but keep it as a secret. don't show it off. that's the good solution.  

[Alysssa]

 

What is the worst thing that would happen if someone has feeling of jealousy toward you?

What if I tell you that someone is might jealous you right now?

 

What if this fear of making other jealous of you is just an excuse of your mind to do nothing for yourself?

 

The truth is that you have no control about other people, someone can be jealous of you because of some random thing that you have no control like your body type or eye colour. You can walk on the street and some homeless person can think to himself "What a lucky person he probably has home and job and so many years to live". He might think like that without you even know.

Some people transform their jealously into inspiration, while others transform it into hatred. 

Jealousy is a natural human behaviour, you also jealous of other people as well, accept this as a natural thing.

Be the best you can be, there's no shame with that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Loba]

Don't worry about people being jealous, enjoy what you love to do and shine the best that you can.  If they are, take it as a sign you are on the right track.

Wish I could give you better advice than that, but trying to make people feel better about you being good at something isn't fair to you.  Expression of one's self is key.  Don't let yourself be limited by others.

[Thought Art]

I have that fear too. Read bout it in Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene.

[Tefikos]

Thanks for replies, they we're really helpful. I did a deep dive for this belief and recognized that it is a really deep belief of mine, that has caused me most of my suffering.

The worst part is the self-sabotage that I cause for me subconsciously, because I want others to be better than me, so they wont get jelaous and cause me pain.

I really somehow get some satisfaction, when I sabotage and feel really miserable. I saw that it might be because of empathy I get from others when I feel pain. Like always no matter how well I can do something, I always sabotage if someone close to me doesn't do it as well as I normally do. 

This is just an assumption, but it might have developed when I have won my little sister at something at a really young age and she got upset. Then I felt it's better to sabotage my success and allow her to win so she won't feel upset. Then I started crying that made others to feel empathy for me. At least this could be the reason:D

I would be extremely grateful for tools and tips to rewire this junk out of my mind, so I would stop sabotaging everything in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Terell Kirby]

@Tefikos I can relate a bit. I think it ultimately stems from fear of your own success.

See, certain people don't want you to advance in life. They seek to keep you at their level, which can be mediocre. Misery loves company, and as you push yourself to be more successful, other who have been energy vampires in your life will reveal themselves.

This could result in the lost of many old relationships/associations, but trust me..it'll be well worth it.

[Shiva99]

It's not so much about them. You need to learn how to deal with certain feelings that arise inside of  you when other are jealous of you.  

[Preety_India]

@Tefikos

This is your limited belief. Change it. 

You are going through crab bucket syndrome. 

This stems from scarcity mindset. Wanting to please others. Wanting others to not be offended. 

Honestly, it's terrible and lame. 

Be proud of who you're without shame or guilt. 

You need to build self esteem

 

Read books on building self esteem

 

 

[Preety_India]

I agree with @Loba.

Self expression is key. 

When you think too much about others, self expression is hindered. 

 

[Gianna]

Something that helped me with this is realizing that you are robbing them of their growth by sheltering the way they feel. Bad experiences/feelings is where growth happens. As painful as it is, the brave thing to do is to let it happen. If you take on this responsibility, you are taking it away from them. They need to be responsible for how they feel, not you. It will only benefit them in the long run. 

[mememe]

On 24.8.2021 at 4:30 PM, Tefikos said:

Hi, I would need a little help on, how should I proceed on rewiring a belief about, being afraid of making others jelsous of me and then sabotaging all success. I have carried this belief from early childhood and since, I haven't subconsciously allowed myself to perform better than others around me, no matter how much I practice. It really feels like I hurt others and then, I don't get any love from them. 

so you probably had an experience where you liked someone very much and got into a situation maybe once maybe more than once where the focus of winning in a hierarchical sense of competing was so much in the focus, that the person you loved started to deny the way you loved. now you are conditioned towards rather loosing than loosing. it‘s a loose/win situation. ignoring the sensitivity towards emotions of others would make it a loose/loose. it‘s perfectly fine to develope that sensitivity into a high skill of balancing relationships towards positive interactions. competing in social context is most of the time a loose/loose because of shadow sides. 

try not focusing on competition but team building in a team you can work towards, winning together not against anything but for your causes in that way if you win every time you really win for yourself. also try to figure out what competition in general means to you, why you do it in the first place and for whom. maybe you need to find some areas in your life, where it is ok to compete and win and others where it‘s better to loose. (a competition about who looses best is not really a vavorable outcome in all cases)

Edited August 27, 2021 by mememe

[Nahm]

@Tefikos

You can’t get poor enough to make someone rich. You can not get sick enough to make someone healthy. You can never suffer enough to make someone else feel good.