how is possible that i am still single?

[Leo Gura]

56 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Yes but i would disagree when you are a total noob. As a total noob you naturally have lower standards because you have little experience in general.

Not true at all.

When I started, my standards were so high it was impossible to get laid. A big part of game for me was learning to lower my standards beyond what I was comfortable with.

If your standards are too high you will basically never get laid.

I would rather not have sex at all then have sex with most girls.

Quote

How do you get over this idea, it bothers me a bit. I try not to think about it but whenever i see someone getting something i really want so easily, especially when they did not do much for it it makes me feel a bit jelous. I am not talking about sex per say, just in general.

A better way to ask it, how do you embrace the fact that you have to work more than others to achieve X thing instead of looking it as a curse? I tell myself that the struggle and work will build work ethic and make you stronger person which will translate in other areas of your life. Do you think this is a good attitude? 

1) Stop comparing yourself to others. You are unique and no one has your unique combinations of strengths and weaknesses.

2) Take extreme ownership of your situation. It makes no difference how easy others have it. You are not them. You are you.

3) Stop asking for life to be easy. Embrace whatever challenge is thrown your way.

4) Fall in love with who you are. Stop wanting to be anyone else but you.

That guy who gets laid easily... he might get cancer or herpes tomorrow. So stop envying him.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura Thank you for you advice.

[AdamR95]

@Karmadhi  I think about it like this: Harder you work for something the greater the pleasure of achieving it. When we have everything easily it loses its value. So its a good thing we need to work for it hard.

[Snuitje]

I just wanted to say that this thread is a gold mine! So much good advice here. Thanks @Leo Gura!

[Hello from Russia]

You don't even have to approach women to practice this skillset, honestly. Just approach 1000s of people in general and spark conversations with them, charm them. Then approaching and charming women will be much much more easier 

I once approached around 1k people in 3 days, that grew me TREMENDOUSLY in that department

[AdamR95]

5 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:

You don't even have to approach women to practice this skillset, honestly. Just approach 1000s of people in general and spark conversations with them, charm them. Then approaching and charming women will be much much more easier 

I once approached around 1k people in 3 days, that grew me TREMENDOUSLY in that department

@Hello from Russia I enjoy approaching girls more, because i am atleast genuinely interested in them. I am not so interested in people in general.

[Vzdoh]

I am not quite sure if it is your case, but I am an 8 and there are a lot of guys of 4-6 who approach me and they do it as if they are 7-8. This really puts me off, because it just shows they have big egos and do not have a realistic picture of who they are and how they look and come across, and what it takes to attract someone like me. So if you r having issues with 7-8 category of girls, do an honest review of where you stand and what needs to be improved? 7-8 category of girls can pick guys - successful, handsome, generous with gifts/attention/caring treatment. So they will pick the best

In my case, for example, I was dating two equally successful guys, but one met my needs in caring/attention treatment, and another didn't, so in turn, I didn't see him as a potential provider  Guess who won the race?  

[ertopolice]

38 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

I am not quite sure if it is your case, but I am an 8 and there are a lot of guys of 4-6 who approach me and they do it as if they are 7-8. This really puts me off, because it just shows they have big egos and do not have a realistic picture of who they are and how they look and come across, and what it takes to attract someone like me. So if you r having issues with 7-8 category of girls, do an honest review of where you stand and what needs to be improved? 7-8 category of girls can pick guys - successful, handsome, generous with gifts/attention/caring treatment. So they will pick the best

In my case, for example, I was dating two equally successful guys, but one met my needs in caring/attention treatment, and another didn't, so in turn, I didn't see him as a potential provider  Guess who won the race?  

Literally. Yesterday f.e i was approached by a (let's say 4) new guy at the gym. Come on. He did not even work on the approach..

 

 

[Vzdoh]

2 hours ago, ertopolice said:

Literally. Yesterday f.e i was approached by a (let's say 4) new guy at the gym. Come on. He did not even work on the approach..

 

 

Yeah! Exactly! I totally love it when guys who r 4-5 at best behave like they are a total 9 ??? 

One was literally begging me to come over to his place late in the evening when I never even entertained a 2nd date with him ???

That's like delusion on steroids ??

[Bando]

That delusion is what makes people successful but its also a double edge sword. 

[ertopolice]

4 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

Yeah! Exactly! I totally love it when guys who r 4-5 at best behave like they are a total 9 ??? 

One was literally begging me to come over to his place late in the evening when I never even entertained a 2nd date with him ???

That's like delusion on steroids ??

Well, I am not the best to talk about it because I myself am struggling getting to attract the men I get to be feel interest to, but come on...:D

if it's objective than in the physical you're a 7-8 how come :DD

Nonetheless it's a very courageous act and speak well of their will to improve their confidence and approaches, after all we all here are recommending this thing of practice, practice, practice..

@Bando If you handle the setbacks you can always enjoy the victories achieved under this over-confidence -delusional thing

Edited September 2, 2021 by ertopolice

[AdamR95]

8 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

I am not quite sure if it is your case, but I am an 8 and there are a lot of guys of 4-6 who approach me and they do it as if they are 7-8. This really puts me off, because it just shows they have big egos and do not have a realistic picture of who they are and how they look and come across, and what it takes to attract someone like me. So if you r having issues with 7-8 category of girls, do an honest review of where you stand and what needs to be improved? 7-8 category of girls can pick guys - successful, handsome, generous with gifts/attention/caring treatment. So they will pick the best

In my case, for example, I was dating two equally successful guys, but one met my needs in caring/attention treatment, and another didn't, so in turn, I didn't see him as a potential provider  Guess who won the race?  

@Vzdoh If the deal breaker would be looks then i would have surely better results. Girls generally consider me goodlooking, but they doesnt consider me charismatic even though i feel confident. I guess i just lack the social skills to display my confidence, its something i am working on right now. The natural  caring/attention is not problem for me, rather my natural tendetion is to be too kind.

[ertopolice]

41 minutes ago, AdamR95 said:

@Vzdoh If the deal breaker would be looks then i would have surely better results. Girls generally consider me goodlooking, but they doesnt consider me charismatic even though i feel confident. I guess i just lack the social skills to display my confidence, its something i am working on right now. The natural  caring/attention is not problem for me, rather my natural tendetion is to be too kind.

I am over average looks and struggle with this thing of social skills and attraction 

[Federico del pueblo]

9 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

I am not quite sure if it is your case, but I am an 8 and there are a lot of guys of 4-6 who approach me and they do it as if they are 7-8. This really puts me off, because it just shows they have big egos and do not have a realistic picture of who they are and how they look and come across, and what it takes to attract someone like me. So if you r having issues with 7-8 category of girls, do an honest review of where you stand and what needs to be improved? 7-8 category of girls can pick guys - successful, handsome, generous with gifts/attention/caring treatment. So they will pick the best

In my case, for example, I was dating two equally successful guys, but one met my needs in caring/attention treatment, and another didn't, so in turn, I didn't see him as a potential provider  Guess who won the race?  

 

There is a problem with this whole paradigm though.

You are basically saying: "maximize every aspect of yourself until you fulfill all kinds of standards that society demands of you for you to be an 8"

This is what most people are already doing, constantly living in reaction to what society demands of you and if you do so then your self esteem becomes completely extrinsic.

So when you attain some success you feel good, then when you fail at something (or don't fulfill some standard) you feel bad or not enough.

Actually what some of these guys do is a step in the right direction, because they step up and say "I can do this" or "I'm good enough now". Making your self esteem more intrinsic is actually beneficial (to some degree).

Now of course there is a counter argument to this and there are limits to this approach too.

So if you're a fat slop who is 37 years old and lives in the basement of his mom, just playing video games and eating potato chips all day long then probably just being more confident is not what you should focus on primarily ? And maybe you shouldn't expect to get laid by Victoria Secret models.

Girls have also told me that I'm an 8, some even a 9 (I just asked them), and you wouldn't believe how little some girls care who are a 5 - 6 physically, without an overly interesting personality and then they may still act like they are evaluating me and have a laundry list of requirements, while I feel like "but you don't really believe that you have a chance with me, do you?" So this kind of behaviour that you described is actually very common from girls, maybe due to hypergamy.

[Javfly33]

On 24/8/2021 at 10:16 AM, Leo Gura said:

 

Trying to unquote But i can't from phone sorry.

This message goes to the OP @AdamR95

Not to brag, because Im an insecure low self esteem Virgin, But i had THREE DATES from just ~10-15 cold approaches some years ago, I you had 8 Dates from 200, you must be doing something really bad!

Im also not that handsome. Im a 7 i think. Im not even muscular. Skinny!

Edited September 2, 2021 by Javfly33

[AdamR95]

3 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Trying to unquote But i can't from phone sorry.

This message goes to the OP @AdamR95

Not to brag, because Im an insecure low self esteem Virgin, But i had THREE DATES from just ~10-15 cold approaches some years ago, I you had 8 Dates from 200, you must be doing something really bad!

Im also not that handsome. Im a 7 i think. Im not even muscular. Skinny!

@Javfly33 15 approaches are too little to make any conclusions. I dare you, try to do 100 approaches while keeping that success rate. You will not be able to, even 1 date out of 10 is above average success rate. Sometimes you get lucky and get 3 dates from 10 approaches and sometimes you do 30 approaches without result. My first 100 approaches were shit for sure but i learn. btw. i had 2 more dates from the cold approaches i did since creating this thread.

But there is a way you can have way better success rate if you wait for chosing signals but i dont get many so i dont care and approach anyway.

[Tudo]

@Vzdoh From your pic, you look more like a 6.

@AdamR95  You too. What's your height?

Amazing how everybody overestimates themselves when it's about looks.

Edited September 2, 2021 by Tudo

[Javfly33]

30 minutes ago, AdamR95 said:

@Javfly33 15 approaches are too little to make any conclusions. I dare you, try to do 100 approaches while keeping that success rate. You will not be able to, even 1 date out of 10 is above average success rate. Sometimes you get lucky and get 3 dates from 10 approaches and sometimes you do 30 approaches without result. My first 100 approaches were shit for sure but i learn. btw. i had 2 more dates from the cold approaches i did since creating this thread.

But there is a way you can have way better success rate if you wait for chosing signals but i dont get many so i dont care and approach anyway.

Fair enough, But i still think your proportion is too low. You might want to approach less mechanically and more focusing on feeling and Desire .

Quality > quantity

[Javfly33]

13 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

I am not quite sure if it is your case, but I am an 8 and there are a lot of guys of 4-6 who approach me and they do it as if they are 7-8. This really puts me off, because it just shows they have big egos and do not have a realistic picture of who they are and how they look and come across, and what it takes to attract someone like me. So if you r having issues with 7-8 category of girls, do an honest review of where you stand and what needs to be improved? 7-8 category of girls can pick guys - successful, handsome, generous with gifts/attention/caring treatment. So they will pick the best

In my case, for example, I was dating two equally successful guys, but one met my needs in caring/attention treatment, and another didn't, so in turn, I didn't see him as a potential provider  Guess who won the race?  

Woah your post shows a lot of bitterness and hate xDD ? 

[Vzdoh]

3 hours ago, Tudo said:

@Vzdoh From your pic, you look more like a 6.

@AdamR95  You too. What's your height?

Amazing how everybody overestimates themselves when it's about looks.

Said a guy with a dog in his avatar ???