how is possible that i am still single?

[AdamR95]

I am 25, have a good paying job, good savings, interesting hobbies, do sports like acrobatics and calistenics. I am in good shape and good looking. I am very friendly and easygoing, i can get along with everyone. I am very spiritual and i can say i am very happy and grateful for everything i have, i would say i am emotionaly mature too, because that is something i worked for very hard in past. 

But one thing i have lack of are romantic relationships. I have had few short-term relationships but i didnt find someone i can connect deeply. And i dont know why i struggle so much when looking for women. In the past i had self esteem issues but i worked on that very hard and now i consider my self pretty confident. Sometimes i do cold approches, i've done about 200 by now, had 8 dates from that. I educated my self about how women work so i dont do the obvious mistakes like texting a girl all the time ect. and when i am with a girl i am able to make her laugh and banter with her and occasionaly touch her, these things i am able to do so i am not the type of guy wich makes a boring friendly vibe on dates. I dont get it how someone like me can struggle with women. When i look around me i see men that are far worse than me and they have no problem. I had success with less atractive girls though which are 4-6 to me. But i am looking for at least 7 or 8. I dont want a girl which is out of shape (i mean fat) when i am very active and sports oriented. I want a girl which is on my level not a 4-6 type of girl. When i look at myself in a mirror i see someone very attractive and high value.

I think i have to be just patient and continue to better myself, because i believe my best times are yet to come.

Is it really so hard to find fufilling relationship? Do you guys have similar experiences? How it si possible that someone who doesnt work on himself has no struggle and someone else who is working on himself struggle?

I am not writing this to complain, i know i have to take responsibility and even then i am not entitled to anything. I am just interested in other opinions and similar experiences you guys may have.

maybe the issue is that because i lived with low self esteem for 20 years i may still manifest some of it unconcioussly, i dont know, but i feel subjectively really confident now.

[Leo Gura]

Less BS, more talking to girls.

Your numbers are simply too low.

200 approaches? And you are complaining? Get real.

[AdamR95]

3 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Less BS, more talking to girls.

Your numbers are simply too low.

200 approaches? And you are complaining? Get real.

i am gonna do more for sure

 

[Gabith]

Be patient and gentle with yourself maybe being more present and less in "control" will help

 

[Girzo]

Hmm, you should have no problem finding someone after intense searching.

From a societal perspective there is a problem that girls want to partner up, that is partner with someone more successful or older and wiser than them, which creates a pool of succesful single middle-aged women at the top and frustrated young males at the bottom. But you are not belonging to any of the groups affected by that. 

Male-female dynamics-wise your assets like social position, pay from your work, etc. will probably rise, and assets of a girl, that is her attractivness, will only diminish. So you are likely to find even someone out of your league in terms of looks, because girls know that too and they don't want a male that will leave them for someone younger when the aforementioned effect happens.

But I wouldn't optimize for that and instead look for someone in the same league looks-wise, but superbly matched in lifestyle, compatibile hobbies and development level, that is someone at a similar level of values like in Spiral Dynamics model and other major developmental lines.

[BlackLeopard]

1 minute ago, Girzo said:

 

Male-female dynamics-wise your assets like social position, pay from your work, etc. will probably rise, and assets of a girl, that is her attractivness, will only diminish.

This would be a great example of why many women just give up. Seriously. @Girzo is looking at this like you are going to buy a car. Your assets will rise and her attractiveness will diminish?
If you look at it like this, I wish you good luck. Either you end up alone or, best case, you end up with a gold digger who is empty inside.

A real relationship, despite what dear @Girzo is painting here, is about two people who connect on a deeper level. The complement each other. They become each other's "person". It's the one who you can tell you just killed someone and their answer will be "ok, I will get the shovel". It has nothing to do with your assets your her attractiveness.

To be honest, @AdamR95, I understand this is bothering you, but you are analyzing this too much. Like this is a business with a perfect website, perfect product and perfect marketing and yet you don't get why you are not getting any sales. 

Relax. Concentrate on something different. Travel. Enjoy life, enjoy your friends, enjoy casual dating. Your person will appear sooner or later.

Not to sound patronizing, but 25 is a very young age. Most people find their "soul mate" in their thirties. Some even later. There is someone out there for you. Chances are she will appear when you least expect it. Just enjoy life as a single man as long as you can. Once you find her, your life will change and you will have lived this part of life to the max with no regrets.

[AdamR95]

13 minutes ago, BlackLeopard said:

Relax. Concentrate on something different. Travel. Enjoy life, enjoy your friends, enjoy casual dating. Your person will appear sooner or later.

This is what i do majority of my life. I am generaly happy alone and even do many things alone for example travel. I am not bothered that much about that, sometimes i am little sad but not that often.

I just wonder, it doesnt make sence to me that i am single basicaly all my life when i consider myself a good catch.

19 minutes ago, BlackLeopard said:

Not to sound patronizing, but 25 is a very young age. Most people find their "soul mate" in their thirties. Some even later.

I think after few years from now, things get better significantly, i think the best is yet to come. 

[Girzo]

@BlackLeopard  Why the attack?  I do have a girlfriend, and a loving one, we both put a lot of effort into spending quality time together and getting to know each other deeply.

But it's both about satifying that chimp fantasy of what is sexy in a partner (female - sexy, male - provider) AND building a conscious loving relationship on top of that. And you can't have the second without the first one.

Girls are very stubborn about accepting that reality, that's why I would never communicate in that way with a girl, but my post hasn't been directed at a girl, but a man.

[Gesundheit2]

You're not a jerk.

It doesn't work.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura May i ask how is it that most guys do like 100 approaches in their entire lifetimes and still manage to get laid/find girlfriends/wives etc if 200 is soo low to even get a girlfriend once?

I do not see 99 percent of guys doing 1000 approaches and still they have some degree of success, some more/some less but all can at least find a partner at some point. This is what makes me bit skeptical of the neccesaty of 2000 approaches.

I mean none of my friends have done it and still they all got 1 girlfriend at least. They are relatively social and do not suck with girls though so i guess 2000 approaches are needed if you tend to suck with girls/ or not social person at all.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Karmadhi]

@AdamR95 Look if you are getting success with 4-6 it means you have something going for you already. I think you fail to attract the more attractive girls because your confidence is too low and your neediness is too high. Maybe your behavior changes a bit in a less attractive manner. The hotter the girl, the more nervous people tend to be, it is normal. So my advice is to be very aware of how you act with the 4-6 girls and translate that behavior on the hotter girls. If you think deeply about it there is 0 reason why a hotter girl should have any more worth or should be any more special. 0 reason. It is just bullshit in your head that makes it seem so.

I used to be super intimidated by attractive girls when i was younger until i started befriending some and realized they are normal people just like the rest of us. They have their flaws and everything. This made it a lot easier to see them as people instead of some divine creature.

 

Edited August 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Chew211]

48 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura May i ask how is it that most guys do like 100 approaches in their entire lifetimes and still manage to get laid/find girlfriends/wives etc if 200 is soo low to even get a girlfriend once?

I do not see 99 percent of guys doing 1000 approaches and still they have some degree of success, some more/some less but all can at least find a partner at some point. This is what makes me bit skeptical of the neccesaty of 2000 approaches.

I mean none of my friends have done it and still they all got 1 girlfriend at least. They are relatively social and do not suck with girls though so i guess 2000 approaches are needed if you tend to suck with girls/ or not social person at all.

Leo has said this many times. 

Most people who are doing cold approach to pick up chicks are starting from a place of lack. A lot more refining is needed, thus the large number of approaching needed. 

I personally know professional PUA guys. They have more chicks than they know what to do with. But ten years ago, they were busting their ass off, and getting their ego shattered over and over again. 

The vast majority of people don't cold approach to meet their partner. Usually it's within a group of some kind. A friend group, workplace, classroom, etc. Online is another popular place since the internet. 

Edited August 24, 2021 by Chew211

[Ghost]

7 hours ago, AdamR95 said:

I am 25, have a good paying job, good savings, interesting hobbies, do sports like acrobatics and calistenics. I am in good shape and good looking. I am very friendly and easygoing, i can get along with everyone. I am very spiritual and i can say i am very happy and grateful for everything i have, i would say i am emotionaly mature too, because that is something i worked for very hard in past. 

But one thing i have lack of are romantic relationships. I have had few short-term relationships but i didnt find someone i can connect deeply. And i dont know why i struggle so much when looking for women. In the past i had self esteem issues but i worked on that very hard and now i consider my self pretty confident. Sometimes i do cold approches, i've done about 200 by now, had 8 dates from that. I educated my self about how women work so i dont do the obvious mistakes like texting a girl all the time ect. and when i am with a girl i am able to make her laugh and banter with her and occasionaly touch her, these things i am able to do so i am not the type of guy wich makes a boring friendly vibe on dates. I dont get it how someone like me can struggle with women. When i look around me i see men that are far worse than me and they have no problem. I had success with less atractive girls though which are 4-6 to me. But i am looking for at least 7 or 8. I dont want a girl which is out of shape (i mean fat) when i am very active and sports oriented. I want a girl which is on my level not a 4-6 type of girl. When i look at myself in a mirror i see someone very attractive and high value.

I think i have to be just patient and continue to better myself, because i believe my best times are yet to come.

Is it really so hard to find fufilling relationship? Do you guys have similar experiences? How it si possible that someone who doesnt work on himself has no struggle and someone else who is working on himself struggle?

I am not writing this to complain, i know i have to take responsibility and even then i am not entitled to anything. I am just interested in other opinions and similar experiences you guys may have.

maybe the issue is that because i lived with low self esteem for 20 years i may still manifest some of it unconcioussly, i dont know, but i feel subjectively really confident now.

I know the struggle, I went through this. I partially disagree with Leo. Doing approaches blindly will not work because you will lose confidence along the way.

Learn 50% (from Youtube and from your mistakes)

Practice 50% - you can learn all day but without practice it doesn't matter how much you learn.

First try to have female friends, you can learn how to communicate with girls. It's almost identical to talking to your date, just less flirtation.

Remember that convo with a women has to be light and fun.

Be a jerk - this is massive

 

[diamondpenguin]

@AdamR95 Maybe connect with the women on a deeper level. The subconscious level. Keep practicing and practicing! YOu got this!

[JonasVE12]

I have some practical advice.

Go find a good wing or coach and maybe try going on a vacation with him where you both cold approach the whole vacation. Observe him. Learn from him. Pay him if you have to.

When I first started cold approaching, I went on a vacation with a wing and I was shocked at how good he was with women. Almost any woman was instantly attracted to him and even women with boyfriends gave their number. He was constantly receiving messages from different women wanting to meet up. He didn't even recognize who they were because there were like 100 different messages. You subconsciously learn a lot from being in their presence and you'll set yourself up for succes that way. 

Abundance comes automatically when you learn good game. First learn how to attract women in general and then automatically you will find deeper connection with some women. But you first have to be in abundance. Then fulfilling romantic relationships can flow from that state of being.

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura May i ask how is it that most guys do like 100 approaches in their entire lifetimes and still manage to get laid/find girlfriends/wives etc if 200 is soo low to even get a girlfriend once?

I do not see 99 percent of guys doing 1000 approaches and still they have some degree of success, some more/some less but all can at least find a partner at some point. This is what makes me bit skeptical of the neccesaty of 2000 approaches.

I mean none of my friends have done it and still they all got 1 girlfriend at least. They are relatively social and do not suck with girls though so i guess 2000 approaches are needed if you tend to suck with girls/ or not social person at all.

1) Many of those people are extroverts. If you are an introvert you will have a much harder time.

2) Many of those people have jobs that make it easy to meet girls. If you do not, you will be stuck.

3) Most guys have very low standards. If your standards for sex are high, you will have a much harder time.

4) Most people are desperately lonely or live in fear of losing their only sex partner. Many people will take years to find a replacement after a breakup.

5) Most people get laid thru social circle. If you have no social circle you are screwed (or rather, not-screwed).

So the situation is not good. Stop envying the lazy. Roll up your sleeves and get to work. A great sex life will not land on your lap by the grace of God. You must create it.

[Hello from Russia]

Extroverted people get into a contact with 100s of women doing their extraverted thing naturally, probably even 1000s for some

Ur kinda projecting your life experience onto these people. Do 100s-1000s of approaches, learn from them, and it will super easy if you are in a at least semi-decent spot in your life

Edited August 24, 2021 by Hello from Russia

[ertopolice]

I feel pretty much the same, being a woman.

It's numbers issue I guess. I do lack social opportunities to hang out, or meet...so that's why.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Many of those people are extroverts. If you are an introvert you will have a much harder time.

Yes but you can be naturally introverted and still be social and have social skills. But yes, if you are a hermit or do not like socializing it will be very hard.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Many of those people have jobs that make it easy to meet girls. If you do not, you will be stuck.

True, if you work from home or in a very small local environement with not a lot of single women, also bummer.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Most guys have very low standards. If your standards for sex are high, you will have a much harder time

Yes but i would disagree when you are a total noob. As a total noob you naturally have lower standards because you have little experience in general. Just the idea of getting a blowjob blows your mind regardless of who gives it. But yes, it is true that guys these days have low as fuck standards. At least the non-player ones that still get laid a lot.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Most people are desperately lonely or live in fear of losing their only sex partner. Many people will take years to find a replacement after a breakup.

Yes but also they might be emotionally hurt and need some time off. Depends on the case.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Most people get laid thru social circle. If you have no social circle you are screwed (or rather, not-screwed).

100% agree.

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Stop envying the lazy.

How do you get over this idea, it bothers me a bit. I try not to think about it but whenever i see someone getting something i really want so easily, especially when they did not do much for it it makes me feel a bit jelous. I am not talking about sex per say, just in general.

A better way to ask it, how do you embrace the fact that you have to work more than others to achieve X thing instead of looking it as a curse? I tell myself that the struggle and work will build work ethic and make you stronger person which will translate in other areas of your life. Do you think this is a good attitude? 

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A great sex life will not land on your lap by the grace of God. You must create it.

For most people that is ineed the case, agreed.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Kalki Avatar]

@AdamR95 Finding a satisfying partner will definitively be challenging. Just the search of it... 

Man, I can sincerely say, you are really not missing much. Maybe if you get laid a couple of more times you will let go of such conditionings. Women are great and not so great at the same time, lol. Its more of social conditionings and beliefs towards them that you have to check for your self or overcome/letgo. 

I used to be the same, until I realized the reason I wanted women so bad was not even because I wanted them, but because society forced/tricked me into believing I need them to be complete. Drop those expectations and you wont be frustrated. You need more clarity and perception of yourself inside dating and women. Too many beliefs and generalizations will fck you up. 

Some stuff that has helped me when approaching:

Always warm up first. Talk with hot girls in stores. Ask them anything about the stuff she is selling. Communicate more with your body language, tonality, speed, eyes, etc. Subconscious body language (subcommunications) rather than words alone. When you get good feedback from this, you build confidence and momentum to now approach other girls. 

When approaching a girl, always go for indirect Opener. Ask for a direction, then quickly read her body language to see how she reacts to you. If she likes your approach and is attratcted, you can change topic with one you have prepared and escalate towards instant date. The reason for always going indirect first, is so you can protect your self esteem. If you go blindly talking to girls that are not interested, you will believe you are the problem and fck up. 

I prefer not using social media and tinder for girls. Its mostly a waste of time and self esteem dropper. (95% of girls in dating sites are loosers. Only maybe a 5% will be there for the same reasons as you. To be specific of what they want. And its hard to find them or even match chemistry). If you dissapear the media from your perception, alot of beliefs will drop too. Your mind is constantly creating beliefs based on what it sees, including the media. And it can really make you feel like shit. Try to live as natural as possible. 

If you really feel horny or needy. Start creating an independent sexual belief system. Meaning be your own source of sexual pleasure. There is alot of stuff you can do to satisfy your cravings by yourself believe me. Sexual toys will trump normal jerking all the way. From dressing up, using mirrors, fleshlights, virtual reality, Machines, vibrators, self massage, visualization, get a doll, fuck pillows with a condom, etc. Its too much. Be creative and see what you like. But you should not over do this. Tease yourself until your no fap cant hold anymore. I can tell from experience, that my solo sex time is almost as good if not same as fucking with someone. Remember that the fact that she is simply a women, doesnt mean her sex will be good or even satisfy you. 

Second option, build a friendship with a high quality  scort you can trust. She must be pretty hot, so you can drop your illusions with women being on a pedestal. Such repetition will create a belief system that will calm such sexual needy beliefs. 

Then after those, you will feel so non needy, you can talk to any girl without caring a shit. Literally. Like, today I downloaded tinder just to see whats up in it. I will delete it tonight. A hot girl texted me "Hi, what are you looking for in tinder" and I just said, " To do the 69" . Note, in the past if I did this I would mess it up, but girls have superpowers to smell your frame/intention/confidence. This time she responded postively cuz she felt I truly didnt gave a shit. But thats all because first I have built confidence and second I have a backup belief system/strategy for overcoming sexual neediness and keeping the right perception of them. 

Now I dont know if what you mean confidence is really the confidence girls are attratcted to. Such confidence is animalistic. Spirituality breaks that type of core confidence which is the building foundation of your personality structure. That is the confidence that is sexy (animal/primal) , that they like. It takes time to build up, you need to stop spirituality for it to build and freeze new knowledge/beliefs/habits. You need strong bondage and self entaglement until you get used to that new Structure. Which manifests as the possiblity of multitasking and high mobility. For me it happened by accident and need. Not by reading books and doing any practice. It means surviving and fighting and getting good at it. 

Coming back to the topic, girls always seem more attractive only when you cant get them. The mind is always playing with you. Once you get her and fuck her, you will see is not worth much time. 

Edited August 25, 2021 by Kalki Avatar