Is this a red flag, or is she right?

[Willie]

Yeah, I know “well, if you have to ask...?”. I’ll go ahead and preface this by saying I apologized twice already.

I met a woman at a party on Friday the 13th, and we hit it off well. We’re now friends on a social media site, and her profile says she is married and polyamorous. She gave me her number, and we’ve been texting back and forth. She asked me for my address and said she can‘t have people at her place because of her marriage. Her spouse doesn’t have a profile on the site, she was alone at the party, and I don’t recall seeing a wedding ring (which doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t have one). I’m well-acquainted with the notion of polyamory (I’ve been a unicorn) and I’m fine with everything up to the point where I’d be a dirty secret that causes marital strain. So, along with giving her my address, I asked if her spouse is ok with her doing this. She became defensive.  She said I came across as judge-mental, and she isn’t hiding anything. 

What say y’all?

[Roy]

4 minutes ago, Willie said:

I asked if her spouse is ok with her doing this. She became defensive.  She said I came across as judge-mental, and she isn’t hiding anything. 

Then she would be fine with letting you talk to him, or not getting instantly defensive.

Yeah based on what you've said this sounds like some bored married woman looking to cheat on her husband. Don't be the catalyst for that to happen. Cut her off.

Being the outsider of a relationship and sleeping with the cheater is basically just as bad as the cheater themselves, in my opinion.

 

[hamedsf]

that's the basic of manipulation. getting defensive and calling you a judge-mental! 

regarding the moral stuff and consequences of sleeping with a woman who has husband doesn't worth it.

she is simply a cheater and exercising her options for fun.

screw that monkey branching creature NOW! ?

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, Willie said:

I met a woman at a party on Friday the 13th

Red flag for sure

[Enlighten]

4 hours ago, Willie said:

So, along with giving her my address,

Could've asked us before you let your dick answer that.

[Spiral]

@Willie Be with her if you want and don’t if you don’t. If she’s a cheater she’ll cheat regardless.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Spiral

[Spiral]

7 hours ago, Roy said:

Don't be the catalyst for that to happen. Cut her off.

Being the outsider of a relationship and sleeping with the cheater is basically just as bad as the cheater themselves, in my opinion.

 

Why? Isn’t someone who wants to cheat and would do so given the opportunity just as bad as someone who actually cheating?

 

I rather be cheated on than spend the rest of my life with someone who wants to, but is unable.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Spiral

[Roy]

1 hour ago, Spiral said:

Why? Isn’t someone who wants to cheat and would do so given the opportunity just as bad as someone who actually cheating?

Read my post again. I'm talking about OP as the third party.

Him enabling her is pretty much just as bad as her cheating herself.

That is only if we know she is married 100% which is ambiguous based on what he said. The whole thing sounds sketchy. 

[Spiral]

@Roy No, I think you misunderstood my point. If people did not sleep with cheaters you get the first option I suggested.

So assuming the second is better he is just doing everyone a favor.

Besides a guy cheating is not the same as a girl cheating.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Spiral

[Roy]

9 hours ago, Spiral said:

Besides a guy cheating is not the same as a girl cheating.

Explain 

[Roy]

11 hours ago, Spiral said:

Be with her if you want and don’t if you don’t. If she’s a cheater she’ll cheat regardless.

I honestly didn't even read this, wow this is bad. This is just a defeatist attitude to use to rationalize selfishness and devilry. Not the kind of behavior you want to be condoning as advice to others. We are on a personal development forum. It should be obvious we are trying to do that consciously, not by exploiting others. 

[Spiral]

On 25/08/2021 at 0:39 AM, Roy said:

Explain 

Obviously people who cheat have poor morals and/or discipline.

Girls usually cheat because there is a issue in the relationship.

With guys this is less of a factor. It’s more akin to someone made themself available and the guy is in the mood.

So girls being paranoid about their guy cheating makes sense.

The “I didn’t get to be wild and crazy in my late teens/twenties and I wish I had that” argument is a classic that occurs often regardless of gender tho.

Furthermore the reason we are wired to care about cheating is also different. Hence why guys less often care if their girl is with another girl.

Edited August 26, 2021 by Spiral

[Gianna]

On 8/23/2021 at 9:12 PM, Willie said:

 I asked if her spouse is ok with her doing this. She became defensive.  She said I came across as judge-mental, and she isn’t hiding anything. 

What was the tone like? Sometimes a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication occurs simply because of the way someone says something and not the actual thing that was said. Did you have a tone that would trigger someone to be defensive? If not, defensiveness might indicate she is hiding something and afraid of getting caught; that she knows she is doing something that she shouldn't be doing. etc. 

[Willie]

On 8/26/2021 at 9:37 PM, Gianna said:

What was the tone like? Sometimes a lot of misunderstanding and miscommunication occurs simply because of the way someone says something and not the actual thing that was said. Did you have a tone that would trigger someone to be defensive? If not, defensiveness might indicate she is hiding something and afraid of getting caught; that she knows she is doing something that she shouldn't be doing. etc. 

@Gianna Well, I won’t take a screenshot of our conversation. But my exact wording was “Is your spouse ok with the stuff you do and the people you see?” because there were a bunch of people at the party she already knew.

Also, she said last week that she wanted to meet this week. I’m going to follow up and see if she’s still interested.