Dissappointed so far (Summary of 4 years of spiritual search?

[Preety_India]

@Girzo I have meditated for years as a child. I come from India where meditation is the staple of everyday life. I didn't live western life. I lived a very coccooned existence where I never talked to anyone. I couldn't speak two words or put two sentences together. I was horribly abnormal and there was no way to exist around people because of my social anxiety that I developed as a result of a spiritual existence. I'm a human being, it is impossible to survive in seclusion. My environment never offered me a semblance of a social life, it's completely opposite of what you see in western countries. As a result of my social and self imposed isolation as a child, I suffered deep psychological distress. 

The forum gave me an outlet to be a bit of an extrovert. To communicate with people, to share and learn. This has built my social confidence, made me less lonely and isolated, healed the psychological distress and gave me some semblance of normalcy as a human being. 

So those 20,000 posts, I wear them with pride, they are an indication of my tremendous effort that  I put in to pull myself out of my introverted shell and I learned so much that has helped me emotionally and psychologically that mere spiritual practices of meditation can never fix and never cure. 

So my own Intuition has lead me here and I am blessed to be on this forum. I have never had this level of progress. 

Without interacting with people here, I probably would have turned into a lunatic in Self isolation and without having a community to support me. 

The social support received here has partially healed. 

You can't heal a broken leg by running. 

 

Edited August 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[Goldzilla]

No practice no gain. 

[WelcometoReality]

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

However in the purely Truth related aspect:

-1. I do not know What reality is.

Have you contemplated this question? What's real and what is unreal/imagination?

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

-2. I do not know What am really am.

That realization might come one day. For now maybe it's best to lay down that question.

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

-3. I do not know if my personal story is real or not (did my father really existed? Or i imagined my father body and additionally i imagined that he had a POV (he died last year) to really Lost myself in this hallucination)

What's real and what's imagination?

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

-4. If my father was real, why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God.

That question is a distraction from reality.

 

8 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

So What? Its there any point anymore in having Hope of answering this questions? It really bugs me that i cant really answer What reality is FULLY while i am living IN reality. I find hard to believe that its not possible. But at the other Hand I've tried a lot and i feel i am 1000miles far from truth as always.

Reality IS truth how can you be 1000 miles from truth? 

It seems to me like you're looking for some realization that will make everything crystal clear (which you are imagining) to you but the searching for it is distracting you from truth/reality which is already here.

The journey is a going deeper and deeper into reality/truth and a dropping of all of what you are imagining. Reality/truth might seem boring and ordinary in contrast to what we are imagining so there might be resistance (negative feelings and thought) to doing it.

[Girzo]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

I have meditated for years as a child. I come from India where meditation is the staple of everyday life. I didn't live western life.

The realities of kids raised in catholic faith doesn't differ much from those raised in India, religious practice-wise. At least I think so.

As kids we were supposed to pray twice a day, some people prayed before meals too, a few times a week also a prayer at school at religion classes which were more or less mandatory (it's easier to attend them than not, plus your parents have a final say, until you are like 13 yo). We went to chcurch for a mass every Sunday plus additional holidays. We had to prepare for special events like the first sacrament by memorizing a shitton of spiritual texts from little books every kid have. There are prayers, commandments, psalms, most common rituals, all the basics basically in that little book. In May we had to attend communal rosemary singing for a whole month everyday, or pray solo in the house, but the communal setup was preffered. Rosemary has 54 beads, you basically have to repeat the same prayer 50 times plus some special ones.

I am probably forgetting something, there's a lot of that stuff and I don't participate in it for years already. Yeah, but my point is that stage Blue religion is similar worldwide and still strong in the West, in spite of appearances.

I have thought you might find that interesting.

[Nahm]

@Javfly33

The underlying assumption is there is a you and a reality. A knower and a that which can be known. Discordant self referential beliefs keep the hamster wheel & frame of spirituality as a solution, a means of solving this, or any problem going. No self, no problem. The ‘self’ is just the thoughts about there being, a self. Your problems, are just thoughts, about you and problems. The curiosity is the zest for life. Focus is on anything else, from self ref thoughts, self doubt. Your life is and will be what and how you focus. Thoughts & solutions aren’t needed. When it’s believed they are, it is compensation for beliefs about yourself which aren’t true. Notice you put the story of you even before the inquiry of interest. A you which is disappointed, a you which is in time, four years, doing. Let the story go. It limits, albeit apparently, yet effectively. 

[Breakingthewall]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Girzo I have meditated for years as a child. I come from India where meditation is the staple of everyday life. I didn't live western life. I lived a very coccooned existence where I never talked to anyone. I couldn't speak two words or put two sentences together. I was horribly abnormal and there was no way to exist around people because of my social anxiety that I developed as a result of a spiritual existence. I'm a human being, it is impossible to survive in seclusion. My environment never offered me a semblance of a social life, it's completely opposite of what you see in western countries. As a result of my social and self imposed isolation as a child, I suffered deep psychological distress. 

The forum gave me an outlet to be a bit of an extrovert. To communicate with people, to share and learn. This has built my social confidence, made me less lonely and isolated, healed the psychological distress and gave me some semblance of normalcy as a human being. 

So those 20,000 posts, I wear them with pride, they are an indication of my tremendous effort that  I put in to pull myself out of my introverted shell and I learned so much that has helped me emotionally and psychologically that mere spiritual practices of meditation can never fix and never cure. 

So my own Intuition has lead me here and I am blessed to be on this forum. I have never had this level of progress. 

Without interacting with people here, I probably would have turned into a lunatic in Self isolation and without having a community to support me. 

The social support received here has partially healed. 

You can't heal a broken leg by running. 

 

Congrats for your work. being a fighter pays off

[Breakingthewall]

@Javfly33 the true tao cannot be said. everything you think, if your father is imaginary, if you are god, if we are all one, is not the truth. it is a distraction, a detour. going beyond thoughts is the work, not replacing them with other truer ones

Edited August 24, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Javfly33]

@Nahm yes nahn i have realized several times that i am awareness behind the thoughts, and believing them to be an "i" creates the false story of ",i" having a personal past etc.

Buuuut, i do live daily Life in that state of Consciousness..

How can you maintain a job, goals etc withouth personal story?

I mean i get What you Mean But Im not sure if its possible to be there except in meditation retreats and so on..

Once you go back to material Life (aka paying the bills, maybe being concerned about your family, etc) a minimal level of Fear sets in and therefore you are always trapped in thoughts as long as you keep playing that survival Game (not talking about you, i mean my experience)

[Nahm]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

@Nahm yes nahn i have realized several times that i am awareness behind the thoughts, and believing them to be an "i" creates the false story of ",i" having a personal past etc.

Buuuut, i do live daily Life in that state of Consciousness..

That “state of consciousness” is not a state at all, it’s unpracticed unmeditative mind. Just like all the other muggles. 

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How can you maintain a job, goals etc withouth personal story?

A tree is just a tree. A cloud is just a cloud. A man is just a man. A thought is just a thought. No thing belongs to any one. 

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I mean i get What you Mean But Im not sure if its possible to be there except in meditation retreats and so on..

The thought, belief, in ‘there’, is piggybacking the belief in ‘states’, being ‘there’. Thoughts are thoughts. In direct experience, ‘here’ & ‘now’. The unmeditative mind believes them though, and focus leaves here & now, and ‘goes into’ abstraction. 

Quote

Once you go back to material Life (aka paying the bills, maybe being concerned about your family, etc) a minimal level of Fear sets in and therefore you are always trapped in thoughts as long as you keep playing that survival Game (not talking about you, i mean my experience)

You can keep doing what doesn’t work. Some people meditate every morning, and see through those beliefs effortlessly. 

Drop the whole ‘states of consciousness’ & ‘survival game’ paradigm. Unless of course it’s feeling great and you’re thriving. 

Take note how you’re spinning everything into a problem. Someone tries to help you, and you use that as problem ammo. 

[hoodrow trillson]

Nahm, you're dropping nuggets of gold here.  Some of what you posted resonates with me, thank you.