Dissappointed so far (Summary of 4 years of spiritual search?

[Javfly33]

I must confess, i am dissappointed with the results of my spiritual work regarding Truth.

In regards to self development, spiritual work has turned to be quite useful. Even though i still suffer from daily anxiety, I feel less anxious and serious overall in the Big picture. Some deep trips have also developed in myself an strange skill of connecting and socializing just naturally with people. Sometimes i take for granted this, so its time time to say thanks.

However in the purely Truth related aspect:

-1. I do not know What reality is.

-2. I do not know What am really am.

-3. I do not know if my personal story is real or not (did my father really existed? Or i imagined my father body and additionally i imagined that he had a POV (he died last year) to really Lost myself in this hallucination)

-4. If my father was real, why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God.

Blabla. You now the drill, this are same questions over and over that i had from the beggining and they have NOT dissapeared or solved after many years of

- 1. Actualized videos

- 2. Actualized forum

-3. Meditation

-4. Non dual literature

-5. Of course Psychedelics.

 

Overall i woudl do It again 10/10 (particularly that orgasm of pure love with everyone on 5-meo Lol) but honestly saying "those questions just come from the ego", "you are just a wave in the ocean" , "you are not real", "you are Nothing/awareness" doesnt fill my curiosity!! 

 

So What? Its there any point anymore in having Hope of answering this questions? It really bugs me that i cant really answer What reality is FULLY while i am living IN reality. I find hard to believe that its not possible. But at the other Hand I've tried a lot and i feel i am 1000miles far from truth as always.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Sounds to me like you're just not serious enough about doing the practices.

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God.

You imagine your father's POV, since you are God.

That's what your father is: your imagination of him.

[Javfly33]

Just now, Leo Gura said:

You imagine your father's POV, since you are God.

Yeah But how come i cant get myself to verify that as Absolutely True.

It could be possible that my father is a dream character i imagined, But i Dont see how i could ever verify that?

What if he was really real? How would i know?

 

[JayySur]

You may need to ease the gas pedal on your “spiritual” pursuits temporarily, as it seems like it’s turning into its own web of attachment and beliefs. 
 

Also, I don’t know how close you were to your father. If you were, I’m sorry for your loss.  
 

Do you have any hobbies or interests that relax your mind and keep you focused? I would recommend integrating those activities back into your life at the time if that’s something you’re open to.  

[Leo Gura]

18 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Yeah But how come i cant get myself to verify that as Absolutely True.

It could be possible that my father is a dream character i imagined, But i Dont see how i could ever verify that?

Psychedelics and contemplation.

18 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

What if he was really real? How would i know?

He's as real as anything else you imagine.

[RickyFitts]

Maybe you need to examine your motivations for beginning the spiritual search in the first place. Without attempting to justify or defend yourself, because justifications and defences aren't the truth.

[Endangered-EGO]

1 hour ago, Javfly33 said:

I must confess, i am dissappointed with the results of my spiritual work regarding Truth.

In regards to self development, spiritual work has turned to be quite useful. Even though i still suffer from daily anxiety, I feel less anxious and serious overall in the Big picture. Some deep trips have also developed in myself an strange skill of connecting and socializing just naturally with people. Sometimes i take for granted this, so its time time to say thanks.

However in the purely Truth related aspect:

-1. I do not know What reality is.

-2. I do not know What am really am.

-3. I do not know if my personal story is real or not (did my father really existed? Or i imagined my father body and additionally i imagined that he had a POV (he died last year) to really Lost myself in this hallucination)

-4. If my father was real, why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God.

Blabla. You now the drill, this are same questions over and over that i had from the beggining and they have NOT dissapeared or solved after many years of

- 1. Actualized videos

- 2. Actualized forum

-3. Meditation

-4. Non dual literature

-5. Of course Psychedelics.

 

Overall i woudl do It again 10/10 (particularly that orgasm of pure love with everyone on 5-meo Lol) but honestly saying "those questions just come from the ego", "you are just a wave in the ocean" , "you are not real", "you are Nothing/awareness" doesnt fill my curiosity!! 

 

So What? Its there any point anymore in having Hope of answering this questions? It really bugs me that i cant really answer What reality is FULLY while i am living IN reality. I find hard to believe that its not possible. But at the other Hand I've tried a lot and i feel i am 1000miles far from truth as always.

 

 

@Javfly33 This forum might just not help you in what youre doing.

1. Leo's theoretical videos are just how you're going to make sense of your awakenings. 97% theory post-awakening and 3% practical tips.

 

2. Most of the comments here are just not helpful at all and way too esoteric. For example there was a 17yo dude who went through the dark night of the soul bc of strong determination sitting and got no real practical advice, even though EVERY mindfullness teacher can easily guide him through it... This forum will not take you to the next step.

 

I can speak from my own experience, this forum helps you make sense of awakenings, but it's not going to liberate you and it's not going to bring you towards abiding enlightenment.

 

3. You're thinking about this stuff, which is philosophy and not real experience. Thinking about it is only the fuel for motivation to inquire into the nature of reality. I don't believe that Leo's pointer ever helped anyone, because they just sound too outrageous and it's just not leading anywhere if you're pre awakening.

4. Awakenings are not going to enlighten you. You need integration after awakenings. Realising you being consciousness is not that hard, just requires honest self inquiry for a few weeks or months.

5. Listen to other teachers. Rupert Spira. Adyashanti. Shinzen Young, he gives you methods you can do 24/7. Eckhart tolle. Kundalini yoga. And other reputable teachers. There's no secrets.

 

 

@Leo Gura How can you say that he's just not serious enough about it if he has 3200posts on your forum?

 

 

 

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

Look, it's actually really simple - so simple that your mind (with its burning desire to turn everything it encounters into something complicated and problematic) flat out refuses to accept it. Anyway, here it goes:

Reality is whatever arises in the here and now, and it's one layer deep; there is no "how things appear" on one hand and "how things really are" on the other. Everything is what it is, end of story!

Of course, that's not the end of the story for the mind that will immediately come up with a hundred questions and beg for more food... it's absolutely insatiable that way. But that doesn't change the fact that the nature of reality is incredibly and, indeed, MIND-BOGGLINLY simple.

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

How can you say that he's just not serious enough about it if he has 3200posts on your forum?

That number only proves my point.

If he was serious he would have 200 posts tops.

[Preety_India]

59 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That number only proves my point.

If he was serious he would have 200 posts tops.

I disagree. Post count does matter a shit ton.. It shows how much effort a person is putting in. I have seen tremendous progress in people with higher post count. 

You're being very short sighted in expecting that growth should stop at 200 posts. 

Growth is infinite. Don't be so judgemental on simple metrics like post count. It means nothing and if at all only means something positive. 

People with higher post count aren't coming here to simply waste time. Nobody is that dumb. 

I'm not persuading you. 

But please please open your mind. 

 

Growth is infinite, please remember that. 

 

Edited August 24, 2021 by Preety_India

[AtheisticNonduality]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

That number only proves my point.

If he was serious he would have 200 posts tops.

Lol, you're such a clown. 30,752. 

[VeganAwake]

3 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

I must confess, i am dissappointed with the results of my spiritual work regarding Truth.

In regards to self development, spiritual work has turned to be quite useful. Even though i still suffer from daily anxiety, I feel less anxious and serious overall in the Big picture. Some deep trips have also developed in myself an strange skill of connecting and socializing just naturally with people. Sometimes i take for granted this, so its time time to say thanks.

However in the purely Truth related aspect:

-1. I do not know What reality is.

-2. I do not know What am really am.

-3. I do not know if my personal story is real or not (did my father really existed? Or i imagined my father body and additionally i imagined that he had a POV (he died last year) to really Lost myself in this hallucination)

-4. If my father was real, why i cant remember my fathers POV since I am God.

Blabla. You now the drill, this are same questions over and over that i had from the beggining and they have NOT dissapeared or solved after many years of

- 1. Actualized videos

- 2. Actualized forum

-3. Meditation

-4. Non dual literature

-5. Of course Psychedelics.

 

Overall i woudl do It again 10/10 (particularly that orgasm of pure love with everyone on 5-meo Lol) but honestly saying "those questions just come from the ego", "you are just a wave in the ocean" , "you are not real", "you are Nothing/awareness" doesnt fill my curiosity!! 

 

So What? Its there any point anymore in having Hope of answering this questions? It really bugs me that i cant really answer What reality is FULLY while i am living IN reality. I find hard to believe that its not possible. But at the other Hand I've tried a lot and i feel i am 1000miles far from truth as always.

 

 

Good, now that you see there is nothing to find you are free.

It was already the case only you were convinced it was somewhere else.

[Endangered-EGO]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

That number only proves my point.

If he was serious he would have 200 posts tops.

@Leo Gura I actually agree...

The path is different for everybody. It would be nice to constuct a hierarchy of spiritual practice. Fundament would be mindfullness meditation, then contemplation, then self inquiry, then integration for example.

 

The fuel for development would then be philosophy, love, motivation, wonder etc.

 

Similar to maslows hierarchy, like you don't need to work on your self-esteem if you can't feed yourself properly.

That's like stupid people taking psychedelics for fun, that would never develop them spiritualiy.

 

@Javfly33 Thank you, this thread actually made me rethink how I perceive spirituality.

 

Based on my spontaneously imagined hierarchy, you should have enough "fuel". You use too muc fuel to fuel itself. Now use that fuel, for development, to "leave earths gravity" instead of gaining speed.

[Endangered-EGO]

@Preety_India Teachers usually use specific questions for spiritual assesments.

If the answer is "no, I don't know what you're talking about" then the teacher sais:" ok, go sit down and continue your practice."

If the answer is "yes, i know exactly what you mean" then there's a new practice.

 

I doubt that you can measure spiritual development by counting the posts.

[Preety_India]

12 minutes ago, Endangered-EGO said:

 

I doubt that you can measure spiritual development by counting the posts.

I'm not saying that.. You're taking it the wrong way. What I meant is that if there are many posts it shouldn't be considered as a sign of "waste of time" or "not a learner or not adept" just as the number doesn't indicate development necessarily according to you. If you are not going to judge someone for having a higher post count, why judge them for having a lower count either? To me both directions look like a spiritual dick measuring contest. If the presence of something shouldn't conspire judgement, neither should the absence of it, keep it fair both ways. 

 

[Shmurda]

High post count implies one of two things (1) you're already self realised to a high degree. Now you're bored or offering help from a position of experience (2) you're feeding your fat little monster ego by playing games with yourself. Remember : THE EGO ALWAYS GOES TO THE PLACE WHERE IT CAN MOST EFFECTIVELY DECEIVE. Who would think to look in the forum where I post about spirituality? That's practice, right? WRONG you've been fooled again and you may as well be gossipping to your mam about the neighbors because you're doing fuck all here except perpetuating your problems. Get off the computer, sit down and humble thyself. 

[Girzo]

@Preety_India No Preety, you would be better off if you have exchanged 20000 of your posts for a one 200 hour-long meditation retreat. I truly think so.

[Preety_India]

@Girzo I know what's best for me. I had tremendous growth. Thanks. Truly grown people don't feel the need to impose their standards and metrics on others. Everyone has their own destination and their own path that others cannot decide. 

 

[Girzo]

@Preety_India You don't know for real until you have tried it.