Failed my exam

[Thought Art]

I failed by 7 points. I didn't apply my study time properly this week. I got so caught up in studying life purpose material I lost the ball on my school studies. I also let needly distractions take me. ALSO, writing it too late at night when I was already tired and had just written another exam. 

Back to back exams don't work. I need to plan realistically and space them out next time. I am turning up the motors to succeed in the next courses. I have the time, energy and intelligence to succeed. I fully apply myself, retake aim and put aside my dreams for the sake of being practical and mastering survival. 

Dreams are for people far more developed, mature, disciplined than myself.

I feel a subtle suicidal thought pattern, about how shitty I am and inadequate to life. 

I will have to pay who knows how much and retain the 13 week program again. FUCK THAT. What the fuck am I doing with my life? There is no reason to fail. I did so well on the EXACT same material a few weeks ago, only to pull blank after blank...? 

This is a painful lesson. I felt a bit self sabotage during the exam too, wanting to throw in the towel early. I had 15 minute left, and just handed it in.? Why did I do that? Do I get off on my own failure? 

I feel like I should feel more pain than I do. IDk

Anyway, I am already making plans in my head to reflect and review what went wrong with this class. I will adjust, and course correct, say no to everything (like life purpose) for now until pass all my classes until the end of October. That is like 2 months, Lets just focus it out. 

Failing an exam, there is not reason for it. I want to hate myself and beat myself up. But I am learning that does nothing. 

Life purpose might be a pipe dream for me. As of right now, I have nothing to share, create, or teach. I only have to learn, integrate and mature. 

I want to master a basic skillset, get a decent job, and honestly... There is so much I want to do. I just feel frustrated by my lack of strategic planning, execution etc.

I don't really care for my current life. I feel very constrained and full of "What could have been" I feel like I have squandered so many opportunities I couldn't see that at the time. Looking back I was giving so much in this life, but I have no reference experiences or the knowledge I have now. It makes me want to kill myself. But, then I realize that killing myself is just my selfish desire to simply have the life I want. There is no proof of what death even is, and if this life is capable of being shitty what makes me thing killing myself would make anything better? 

I just need to learn, persist, don't be a fucking idiot and get shit done.

Edited August 23, 2021 by Thought Art

[PepperBlossoms]

We keep on eating chocolate even after it is giving us zits and making us fat. 

Can always give up the chocolate "for lent" like the Catholics do knowing that "lent" is temporary.

Edited August 23, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[PepperBlossoms]

I think we got an addiction to youtube, the internet, reddit, self help, whatever - and it gets in the way of taking care of other needs like school/work/etc.

All the businesses want us to be addicted because they get more money.

It was easier to be a student when there was no internet to browse, no weed to smoke, no whatever but one can still opt out of whatever they want.

[PepperBlossoms]

TBH there is just so many distractions it is so hard to focus. 

[PepperBlossoms]

Also I'm sorry to hear about the exam.  There are like 1000s of exams we take and 100s of classes so it is okay even if you fail every once in awhile.

Failure is painful but can also be helpful.

30 years from now, that failed test today may not really matter.  1000000 years from now it may not matter either.  So it is okay!  You identified some good tips for next time!

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I failed by 7 points. I didn't apply my study time properly this week. I got so caught up in studying life purpose material I lost the ball on my school studies. I also let needly distractions take me. ALSO, writing it too late at night when I was already tired and had just written another exam. 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Please do not lose courage. It will be okay. It happens. Don't let the situation weigh you down. 

 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Back to back exams don't work. I need to plan realistically and space them out next time. I am turning up the motors to succeed in the next courses. I have the time, energy and intelligence to succeed. I fully apply myself, retake aim and put aside my dreams for the sake of being practical and mastering survival.

 

Yes. You're right. As a student Mastery is the key here. 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

 

Dreams are for people far more developed, mature, disciplined than myself.

I feel a subtle suicidal thought pattern, about how shitty I am and inadequate to life. 

 

Hey don't think such thoughts. You have tremendous potential that you can make use of. 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I will have to pay who knows how much and retain the 13 week program again. FUCK THAT. What the fuck am I doing with my life? There is no reason to fail. I did so well on the EXACT same material a few weeks ago, only to pull blank after blank...? 

This is a painful lesson. I felt a bit self sabotage during the exam too, wanting to throw in the towel early. I had 15 minute left, and just handed it in.? Why did I do that? Do I get off on my own failure? 

It could be a form of suppression or self sabotage. Try to be more determined in your pursuits. 

 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I feel like I should feel more pain than I do. IDk

Anyway, I am already making plans in my head to reflect and review what went wrong with this class. I will adjust, and course correct, say no to everything (like life purpose) for now until pass all my classes until the end of October. That is like 2 months, Lets just focus it out. 

That seems a good plan.. Make it work. 

 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

Failing an exam, there is not reason for it. I want to hate myself and beat myself up. But I am learning that does nothing. 

Life purpose might be a pipe dream for me. As of right now, I have nothing to share, create, or teach. I only have to learn, integrate and mature. 

Keep LP aside for the time being. 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I want to master a basic skillset, get a decent job, and honestly... There is so much I want to do. I just feel frustrated by my lack of strategic planning, execution etc.

You need Mastery. 

1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

I don't really care for my current life. I feel very constrained and full of "What could have been" I feel like I have squandered so many opportunities I couldn't see that at the time. Looking back I was giving so much in this life, but I have no reference experiences or the knowledge I have now. It makes me want to kill myself. But, then I realize that killing myself is just my selfish desire to simply have the life I want. There is no proof of what death even is, and if this life is capable of being shitty what makes me thing killing myself would make anything better? 

I just need to learn, persist, don't be a fucking idiot and get shit done.

Yes you need to be extremely savvy and persistent. Only then things come to you or else they slip from your hands into the sands of time. 

 

[Thought Art]

I think the biggest problem was I was tired, and basically instead of just doing the exam I talked myself out of it. I passed another exam literally 30 minutes before on the exact same subject. (we had to write two exams for to governing bodies on the same subject)

Failing by 7 points, was my sleepiness and frustration. And yes, not preparing as strongly as I know I can do going forward.

Fuck this shit

[hamedsf]

just tap into your strong will which burns you out in the process.

growth needs some pain and suffering and human beings always wanna shortcut that process. 

[Thought Art]

I self reflected this morning, and am course correcting so I don't fall into this situation again. I have the capacity to pass all my exams in this program. 

I note the mistake, I course correct and I keep going. I can retain the course in October or November I think. It's unfortunate, but not awful. Mistakes happen in life. I am just like any body else, average and my success will be what I put into life. I love myself more, I will work harder and more joyfully. This is a technical field I am studying and I am grateful for the progress I made. I also learned and reflected on my values and how I wasn't meeting them, and best practices for studying and exam writing in general. I made many errors that lead to this demise. I have spent too much time complaining about how life is the past 5 years, trying to change the nature of this thing. But, in reality this life is brutal, long, boring and unforgiving. You must just put in the work, and let the way.

Reality owes you nothing, you aint special and anything you have that is good is luck * effort and deliberate practice.

Edited August 23, 2021 by Thought Art

[Cathal]

@Thought Art

To me this looks like a lot of shit is surfacing up.

In time you'll look back and be glad you failed so all this shit surfaced up and thank yourself for developing the awareness to see it all as it really is.

<3

[Thought Art]

14 minutes ago, catcat69123 said:

@Thought Art

To me this looks like a lot of shit is surfacing up.

In time you'll look back and be glad you failed so all this shit surfaced up and thank yourself for developing the awareness to see it all as it really is.

<3

Idk what it is. But, I learned a lesson. 8 weeks of hard work only to have to repeat it again in a few months is not something I am interested in doing again. I passed well the entire program, only to have a really bad exam...? I got in my own head failed before even started. Accounting is very technical, which is new for me. I don't normally fail tests, but I did here. Even though I have like an 85 in the course, I fail the entire thing based on an exam? So stupid. I was short like 7 points...? Why can't I just retake the exam? No use fussing. My fires are burning this week. I will not fail again.