I'm going out today for my first date (please give me tips)

[fopylo]

Hi, so as a preview, this is the girl I'm talking about, I'll name her N:

Basically she is very into me - I know because I got many signals from her and heard from friends.

She also seems like she is more open to sex than most others, I think.

So we are planning to go for a walk in the fields and also have a small picnic.

It has been a few days already that I've been contemplating this potential relationship, and maybe I could get some of your thoughts:

Thing is, she is really into me. I'm very lucky to be in this position, and I'm still a virgin. On top of that, we are both going to our separate camps and so we will only be able to see each other once in like 2 weeks (this makes it less embarrassing because it means she won't be too much involved in my social life, and when we're together it will most likely be in private. And also, of I feel like breaking up then it will be easier since it could happen more naturally because of our long times separate during the week, and maybe she'll want more commitment. I have this backup and I'm lucky).

Now the other thing is that I feel like she is not the one for me, meaning I don't find her really that attractive (although you could also argue that I haven't met her really yet. True, I'll see then). I get from her a bit masculine vibes, like she isn't that radiant and is quite monotone and dull in text, and not to womany for me.

But as I was thinking about it, I thought: Why not? This could be for a great experience. I have a great opportunity and I might regret it if I don't take it. It will improve my skills. Hopefully I'll manage to get a first kiss and maybe even lose my virginity or something.

I'm still nervous nonetheless, you know, the whole 'leading' thing and these small minutiae that might get me neurotic.

Anyway, I'd really appreciate your thoughts about what I said, like what do you think about this approach? And also, if you have any advice for the first date it will be very helpful.

Thanks

[fopylo]

Wow thanks for the support guys!

Anyways, I'm going to meat her again probably tomorrow at her house for a movie. This is getting me a bit nervous... Why is it so hard for god's sake! Doing moves is scary and confusing

[Gregory1]

2 hours ago, fopylo said:

Wow thanks for the support guys!

No problem:) 

[something_else]

4 hours ago, fopylo said:

Wow thanks for the support guys!

Anyways, I'm going to meat her again probably tomorrow at her house for a movie. This is getting me a bit nervous... Why is it so hard for god's sake! Doing moves is scary and confusing

If you're both a little inexperienced/nervous you can get away with some cheesy and awkward moves

Dear god one of my cringiest memories is how I escalated on my first date with my first GF, very similar situation, watching a movie at hers, was a first time for both of us. The movie ended and I had no idea what to say, but there was attraction and both of us were nervous as hell so it just kind of sorted itself out, even though I wasn't the slightest bit smooth lol. Got a 2 and a half year relationship from that

[kamill]

One trick is to point at something and when she is looking at that thing you lean close to her and when she asks you whats there you say you missed it.

The point is to lean to her closer and see weather she is comfortable with you being close to her face.

If she is, you may go for a kiss that time or later.

   

[fopylo]

7 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

No problem:)

are you fucking kidding me?

[fopylo]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

so it just kind of sorted itself out, even though I wasn't the slightest bit smooth lol

What happened eventually?

[something_else]

7 hours ago, fopylo said:

What happened eventually?

I made a cringy comment about going upstairs. In hindsight I should have just kissed her then and there and let things unfold naturally.

Suggesting going upstairs was clunky and awkward and the exact wording I used (which is remaining secret ) was cringy af. But nonetheless it worked because there was tension and attraction, and low expectation because we were both young and nervous.

Point is, you don't need to think too much about what you're actually gonna do beyond the initial escalation if there's already clear attraction. If there's attraction and you make _some_ move things will start to happen. After the initial escalation and things get even a little heated let your instinct take over and things will just sort themselves out

[kras]

There is no single reason to be nervous, she invited you to her house.

Keep in mind that some girls are really shy and they will never do the first move even if they have very high attraction towards you. 

Edited August 23, 2021 by kras

[fopylo]

6 hours ago, something_else said:

Point is, you don't need to think too much about what you're actually gonna do beyond the initial escalation if there's already clear attraction. If there's attraction and you make _some_ move things will start to happen. After the initial escalation and things get even a little heated let your instinct take over and things will just sort themselves out

Dude I'm still very nervous since I'm leaving in like 30 minutes.

I'm going to fetch her, go to the mall to get Frozen yogurt (our town is small so I might see some that I know) and then go to her house (she tolled me that her family is also at her house and so we'll be in her room (bruh, this is scary. This means we'll be in her bed).

[fopylo]

5 hours ago, kras said:

There is no single reason to be nervous, she invited you to her house.

Keep in mind that some girls are really shy and they will never do the first move even if they have very high attraction towards you. 

We planned on watching the movie but never have I explicitly said at her house, but it seemed as so. So I just asked her if we are then going to her house. She asked if I can at mine and tolled her I can't so she agreed at hers. Her family will be there though and we'll be at her room which makes me nervous and kind of puts the pressure on me as the guy.

Actually, surprisingly she is shy and I am less but she seems like she could easily take part in the leading. This puts some odd pressure on me as the man. After this meeting, next times we'll be able to see each other is once in two weeks at most. So I am thinking maybe today I should escalate things fast and maybe she has the same in mind. Bro, why is this happening to me? There is no escape but I also don't want to escape

[Spiral]

On 22/08/2021 at 3:43 PM, fopylo said:

Wow thanks for the support guys!

Anyways, I'm going to meat her again probably tomorrow at her house for a movie. This is getting me a bit nervous... Why is it so hard for god's sake! Doing moves is scary and confusing

Don’t pick a movie that’s too good. I kinda forgot about the girl and finished it?

Just try to be as comfortable as possible and have fun. We have all been there and probably been as nervous as you are.

[something_else]

34 minutes ago, fopylo said:

Dude I'm still very nervous since I'm leaving in like 30 minutes.

Heh, good luck.

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(she tolled me that her family is also at her house and so we'll be in her room (bruh, this is scary. This means we'll be in her bed)

Hahaha, you've had all the hard work done for you. If you're alone with her in her room you have the ability to get super close to her, you're literally lying in bed together already, just be confident and start making moves. Get close to her and see if she's into it. If she is, guarantee you guys are making out in 10 seconds flat after you start escalating and you'll both wonder what the hell you were so nervous about

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Bro, why is this happening to me? There is no escape but I also don't want to escape

I've felt this exact feeling a handful of times in my life (I'm pretty young as well, only 21) and every time I've felt it and then pushed through and gone ahead with whatever I felt like I had to escape from, I've not once regretted it

[fopylo]

@Spiral

5 hours ago, Spiral said:

Just try to be as comfortable as possible and have fun. We have all been there and probably been as nervous as you are.

Thanks for the support and reassurance that it is ok. Feels good to read that. I've obviously finished the date and did already what you said.

@something_else

So yeah, we eventually got close in the bed like you said, trust me, but not like you said about making out already very quickly.

Actually those things you guys said did kinda happen, like I did behave in those ways.

But eventually I felt very terrible and drained after it.

Just wrote a post about it if you're interested:

 

[something_else]

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But eventually I felt very terrible and drained after it.

Reading your post it doesn't sound like anything especially bad happened but it does seem to have taken a huge toll on your emotional state. As someone totally detached from your situation this is my condensed impression of your story:

 'Undoubtedly she is into you, it sounds like maybe you're not that into her, which is fine.'

Doing things you haven't done before like this is gonna make you feel weird because there are all sorts of emotions running through your mind, you're probably also still a bit pumped up from facing a situation you were scared of as well.

If you're still in school, this is pretty much how all relationships at that age go btw. The stereotype of high school relationships being flaky, awkward and drama-filled is very much based in reality, you're just experiencing that first hand now 

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On top of all of those confusions I am actually quite scared. I'm entering a new phase of my life now, going to camp. I am starting a new life, I'm letting go of people and new ones are coming. Man I want to cry. I feel like I'm dying! What the actual fuck.

Finally I'll just say: this^ is totally normal if you go through big changes in your life. And you didn't run away from this date, you faced it even though you were scared. That's how you grow. You're doing the right things, you don't have anything to worry about. Being scared sometimes is natural.

[fopylo]

@something_else

1 hour ago, something_else said:

 'Undoubtedly she is into you, it sounds like maybe you're not that into her, which is fine.'

Kind of true, yeah, although I'm still a little into her, a little, for experience's sake mostly.

1 hour ago, something_else said:

because there are all sorts of emotions running through your mind, you're probably also still a bit pumped up from facing a situation you were scared of as well.

Interesting point, although I am not really feeling all those emotions running through my mind like you said, perhaps not in my awareness..
But yeah, it was scary, but eventually when the kiss finally came - It was dull. I felt apathy, and still do, this is perhaps why I feel shit. I kissed for the sake of kissing rather than because I love her.

I don't know if I honestly really want a relationship.
Could be nice though to build experience, but man.. I'm scared of going through a mental breakdown.

[fopylo]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

If you're still in school

I finished school while ago and I'm starting my pre-military 6 month camp in 2 days.
But yeah, I really really don't want all this drama shit in my life. I just want to be free man. I want to focus on actualizing myself.

1 hour ago, something_else said:

Being scared sometimes is natural.

But it's really hurting deep inside those life changes. I know all my grade classes (when I was at school) for at least 6 years, some even 12 years. We all live in this small town-village. I'm leaving my old lifestyle behind, the freedom of being a 12th grader and having life easy and could rely on parents. Everything is hitting me at once. The camp is already scaring me because it is a HUGE shift in lifestyle, and now I'm adding on top of that a relationship, like wtf?? I am really scared of a mental breakdown. It will kill me. I can see myself having a breakdown. I've been living very good for the last couple of months, maybe this is the potential suffering.