Overwhelmed by the smallest tasks

[Charlotte]

Notice this has been a theme that has occurred as an adult for myself, feeling overwhelmed at appointments or minor commitments (no I don't feel threatened or overwhelmed at big commitment such as relationships etc). E.g. an appointment, a date to have tea at a friend's house. Something small. 

I am scared to commit (as in agree to the appointment or friend date) in case, when the time arrives I can't make it and have to rearrange, or, rush because something cropped up. 

 

Anyone else? Any opinion advice? ?

 

 

[Leo Gura]

Don't ask us.

Contemplate why.

You know why.

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

I am scared to commit (as in agree to the appointment or friend date) in case, when the time arrives I can't make it and have to rearrange

So what's the fear, exactly? Is it a fear of disappointing or upsetting the people in question?

[Shawn Philips]

When you visualize the future appointment do you have negative thoughts? 

[mandyjw]

I have this too. My guess is that I have thought patterns of being afraid of disappointing people, I care what they think and how they feel over how I feel. I'm so awfully hard on myself if I'm late or forget an appointment, or doubting myself for making a commitment that I've given myself some sort of post traumatic stress that creates the overwhelm and resistance. I'm in the habit of focusing more on what I do not want and rather than what I want. I would like to practice being more intentional about focusing on and being clear about what I want and more forgiving to myself. Forgiving whether I have to cancel or forgiving whether I have committed and then later found that I've had to rush or can't do something else I wanted. As I focus on what I DO want, I will be much more clear about what I want to say yes to and what I want to say no to. 

[Charlotte]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't ask us.

Contemplate why.

You know why.

I know ??

 

8 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

So what's the fear, exactly? Is it a fear of disappointing or upsetting the people in question?

I think it's because when the time arrives, what if I don't wanna do it. I wanna be freEeEe! ? 

6 hours ago, Shawn Philips said:

When you visualize the future appointment do you have negative thoughts? 

Yes. Because of the commitment thing. 

@mandyjw thank you very much for your insight, very interesting and helpful. I sat and contemplated whether it's the same theme, I'm not sure if it is. I will however stop being a lazy sob and sit and think through this shit. 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Charlotte said:

I know ??

I know

[Loving Radiance]

I read the quote a few minutes ago and it reminded me of this thread. What comes up in you when you read that @Charlotte?

Quote

Values

Tony Robbins says that your values tell you what you will pay attention to and will determine the kind of person you are.

Values are built from beliefs, which are built from references (more on that below).

There are both values we move towards, and value we reject and wants to move away from.
Your values determine your destiny.  Your values determine what you move towards and what you reject and determine your most likely behaviors.

And it’s very possible you have value conflicts which create self-sabotage (example top value of success and top moving away from value as rejection).

How can you fix this?

Step 1 – awareness
Explore what are your current values.

Ask yourself: what’s most important to me in life? Is it peace of mind, impact, love.. ?

For Tony Robbins, for example, it was: passion, love, freedom, contribution, being able, growth, achievement / accomplishment, happiness, fun, health, creativity.

Step2 – decide
Make a conscious decision about the values you want to live by.

As yourself not “what’s important to me” but “in what order do my values need to be to achieve my ultimate destiny?”

Ask yourself what other values you need to add -Tony Robbins found out intelligence was a big one missing-.

Ask what values you need to eliminate.

Tony Robbins, for example, found out that by constantly focusing on being free he was missing out on the freedom he already had.
So he dropped freedom from the list and consciously decided not to make it an issue anymore.
And suddenly it was amazing the freedom he by dropping it out from the list.

Ask which benefit you get from which values and which cons you get (for example for Tony having passion at the top meant he was burning out).

Tony Robbin’s list changed to: health/vitality ; love/warmth, intelligence, cheerfulness, honesty, passion, gratefulness, fun/happiness, making a difference, learning/growing, achieving, being the best, investing, contribution, creativity.

Tony asked if being happy higher than achievement would suck the wind out of his sails, but it was quite the contrary: he started achieving more by being happy.

My Note:
I did the exact same with freedom.

Freedom was such a big thing for me I felt suffering any time I was doing something that negated my freedom.
Helping a friend? That’s not freedom! Keeping an appointment? Damn, where’s my freedom!

I dropped the freedom-trap by reminding myself that I AM free. I CAN do whatever I want.
I always choose what I’m doing. Being a free man in a free world, freedom is NOT your issue.

Update:

I am not convinced anymore about “having to drop” your values. First, think if you can leverage your values.
Today I went back to valuing freedom instead of considering it a burden. And it helped me launch my business.

https://thepowermoves.com/personal-power-tony-robbins/

[hamedsf]

oh, you're in the group of that kind of women that guys online complain about, that cancel the date at the very last minute, I got ya! 

Edited September 1, 2021 by hamedsf

[Jakuchu]

@Charlotte I am this way too, but mostly it's something that I am not compassionate about. Love is missing in that case, and therefore it feels too much like a duty which causes anxiety

Edited September 1, 2021 by Jakuchu