UPDATE on my (finally) intellectual date. Further steps? Fiery connection?

[something_else]

Quote

You mistake intent. I did not say not to flirt, i said not to play coy. By that i mean not playing games, "dont text him for 4 hours" or "appear like you are not interested", and all of that shit. Flirting is indeed fun but when girls start testing you and doing power struggles/frame wars and all of that shit then it is super annoying.  Young girls do this A LOT. It honestly made me uninterested in dating for many years because i do not have nerve to play silly games.

Welcome to humanity. We're all here to play games. What you do with pickup is the inverse of this

[ertopolice]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

Welcome to humanity. We're all here to play games. What you do with pickup is the inverse of this

I guess a bit of both is needed: game/flirtation/attractition techniques but also showing honesty and trust regarding what you look for and what you bring to the table.

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, something_else said:

This has got to be one of the biggest things that a lot of guys should to learn to enjoy. And also realise just how much women enjoy it too. I've always been a little serious pretty much just due to lack of socialising for my late teens, but I've been on a few dates recently where the back and forth flirting and progressive escalation was legit some of the most fun I've ever had in my life.

A lot of the pickupy posts here are really serious, theoretical and intellectual. Like I'm by no means an expert but that's not how you learn to flirt and have fun. I guess it works for some people, though.

Yeah.... the pick-up stuff on here honestly sucks all the joy out of what I consider to be one of the best parts of life.

It turns an art into a cold science. Very efficient... but very boring.

But yes... having fun and connecting with the other person is so good for creating a loving connection. This is how my relationships have typically begun. Just lots of flirting and having a great time together.

[Karmadhi]

@Emerald The point of pick up is to give you massive training in developing these things. It is the equivalent of having 1000 training dummies in a video game to develop your skills in it. Not everyone is natural at the stuff you say.

A lot of guys suck at flirting and escalating. Personally i am one of them. Therefore such people need to practice A lot, something that regual dating might not offer them. If you are very social person then you can avoid pick up but even talking to a girl in a house party lets say is technically still pick up. Just because this stuff is natural and effortless for you or other guys do not assume it is for all.

Do you like a boring intellectual guy that cannot flirt, tease and escalate? That is the case for a lot of guys, that is their "default" state, pick up helps them develop the traits they are lacking.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Emerald]

18 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Emerald You mistake intent. I did not say not to flirt, i said not to play coy. By that i mean not playing games, "dont text him for 4 hours" or "appear like you are not interested", and all of that shit. Flirting is indeed fun but when girls start testing you and doing power struggles/frame wars and all of that shit then it is super annoying.  Young girls do this A LOT. It honestly made me uninterested in dating for many years because i do not have nerve to play silly games.

But being coy IS part of flirting. That's what Leo meant in his post.

It's not a coldness or not answering texts or any of that stuff.

It's like playing innocent for the sake of flirting. And it should be very obvious. It comes naturally.

Like an example of it would be if a guy says something a little edgy/risky, the woman would open her mouth with shock and give him a light smack on his arm and say, "Oh my god! You're so bad!" But she'd be saying it in while smiling and laughing. She's be saying things that technically are discouraging of the guys behavior... but her body language and facial expression will be indicating that she liked it very much.

Or if things are a bit racier and she's already decided that she wants to have sex with the guy and she's in his house/apartment. And the guy does or says something to inch things closer to sex, she might respond with playful shock and say, "What kind of girl do you take me for?" while sitting on his bed and giving him bedroom eyes that indicate for him to keep advancing. 

So, the coyness IS the flirting. It comes naturally when the feelings are there. And it's very playful and adds to the sexual tension.  

[Emerald]

7 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Emerald The point of pick up is to give you massive training in developing these things. It is the equivalent of having 1000 training dummies in a video game to develop your skills in it. Not everyone is natural at the stuff you say.

A lot of guys suck at flirting and escalating. Personally i am one of them. Therefore such people need to practice A lot, something that regual dating might not offer them. If you are very social person then you can avoid pick up but even talking to a girl in a house party lets say is technically still pick up. Just because this stuff is natural and effortless for you or other guys do not assume it is for all.

Do you like a boring intellectual guy that cannot flirt, tease and escalate? That is the case for a lot of guys, that is their "default" state, pick up helps them develop the traits they are lacking.

Like I said, I understand why it exists. I get it. I really do.

Just from the female perspective, the thing in itself or the way that the guys on here are orienting to it, is very dry and boring. 

But I think it's good to learn how to escalate these things. Just don't intellectualize the things you learn from pick up. You actually have to embody them and try them out.

Just knowing things will lead to more intellectualization and will be even drier to most women.

[RickyFitts]

Ugh, I dunno, maybe I'm old-fashioned but how's about relating to women on a human level, first and foremost?

[ertopolice]

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Emerald The point of pick up is to give you massive training in developing these things. It is the equivalent of having 1000 training dummies in a video game to develop your skills in it. Not everyone is natural at the stuff you say.

A lot of guys suck at flirting and escalating. Personally i am one of them. Therefore such people need to practice A lot, something that regual dating might not offer them. If you are very social person then you can avoid pick up but even talking to a girl in a house party lets say is technically still pick up. Just because this stuff is natural and effortless for you or other guys do not assume it is for all.

Do you like a boring intellectual guy that cannot flirt, tease and escalate? That is the case for a lot of guys, that is their "default" state, pick up helps them develop the traits they are lacking.

Yes, it seems it requires some training for some depending on your background i guess..