UPDATE on my (finally) intellectual date. Further steps? Fiery connection?

[something_else]

@Karmadhi I mean, there's no reason you couldn't make that style work for you you. It's far more to do with how you say something than the actual content. Which has been said a million times, for good reason

 

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi Thank you, but it may have had no effects since i haven't heard from him since yesterday.@something_else What do u mean we women find more attractive? 

[something_else]

@ertopolice As in emotional stimulation? Guys who can stimulate emotions in women usually have a lot more success with women

[Karmadhi]

@something_else Any ideas how to do this?

[ertopolice]

44 minutes ago, something_else said:

@ertopolice As in emotional stimulation? Guys who can stimulate emotions in women usually have a lot more success with women

I understand

It is said that "people forget your words but never forget how they feel about u"

I tried to be nice and that but he asked SO many questions..

Also i keep it fun with some jokes that relaxed the intellectual stuff atmosphere..but that seems to be the "man's" thing to do. It sparkled light in his eyes and some smiles. I love that effect on people. I felt he lack some emotional, feminine carrot be honest

Edited August 21, 2021 by ertopolice

[something_else]

On 21/08/2021 at 8:55 PM, Karmadhi said:

@something_else Any ideas how to do this?

@Karmadhi I mean, there are literally infinite ways of sparking emotion. It's difficult to learn how to emotionally stimulate by having a logical discussion about how to do it, or by giving logical advice. It's something you just need to learn by practice.

Broadly all of the well known attractive traits generate emotional stimulation: leadership - makes her feel like she's on an adventure with you, confidence - makes her feel safe around you, humour - removes negative emotion like tension, and so on

[ertopolice]

@something_else Definitely those traits help but attraction 

btw i have not heard from this guy since last friday when we met. Have I been ghosted? should i text?

[something_else]

18 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

@something_else btw i have not heard from this guy since last friday when we met. Have I been ghosted? should i text?

I mean it can't hurt. If he hasn't messaged you by now he may not be interested, or he may just be shy. You may as well text him and see what he says

[ertopolice]

@something_else Till now everytime I've messaged him or commented him as an excuse to lead an interaction he's been polite. The thing is that I feel that I've been always the pursuer and that dismatches what i've been told of regarding men-women interactions.

Curious thing here is that:

.- My presentation card it's been an intellectual/self development instragram account with barely any pics of me (you could think of me as a nerd or unnatractive woman behind it).

.- Our chats via this social network have been quite nice...so he finally and politely agreed to meet face to face (last friday)

.- It's not my ego or anything but i am an overarage looks in most men and women's opinion. ..but i insist in keeping my social accounts intellectual so that i only "match" likeminded people that would not evaluate me by my looks. 

...So i guess I've gone quite "far" with this shy/nerd/underground guy because he accepted to meet me in spite of not having flirted before meeting or anything. Perhaps it was  just pure politeness and good conversation.

I am attracted to these profile of nerds/intellectual/passionate about certain things guys...but i acknowledge he perhaps is not a real good mate in a long term. He's got some extreme views on politics and that's not a good trait for survival nowadays...

I'd like just to keep the contact and asses a bit more about these things. We share some passions and it can get really fiery too, I am sure.

 

What should I do? contact with the excuse of a post, write him straightaway (e.g: what do u think of friday's? should we keep on with the conversation some other day..?). I don't know

I'd like my goddess assets to show of a bit more haha. i kept it cold last time because he did not give any sign of flirtation interest but that's not an usual thing I've experienced before. I think he is trying to skip all the flirtation stuff because he cannot moderate and is a bit of an "extreme" person. He confesses he likes extremes. I am damm attracted to these dangerous profiles..

 

HELP again needed.

Infinitely grateful! 

Thank you!

@Karmadhi @Leo Gura 

 

 

Edited August 23, 2021 by ertopolice

[Flowerfaeiry]

4 hours ago, ertopolice said:

i have not heard from this guy since last friday when we met. Have I been ghosted? should i text?

Sometimes I like to send a flirty text right after a date, something like: "X, I had such a nice time with you tonight! :)".

Should you text him now? Hmm. If you do, think of something fun and flirty you could say. Leading with desire: "I've been thinking about you since our last meeting, I love the talks we have and I long for when we can meet again ;)" or something to that effect! 

57 minutes ago, ertopolice said:

I'd like my goddess assets to show of a bit more haha. i kept it cold last time because he did not give any sign of flirtation interest

Do not keep it cold!!! There's your problem:) Often times a man won't show flirty interest super obviously right away. That doesn't mean he's not interested. He may be shy or unsure if you're interested, especially if you're acting cold!

What you need to do is flirt anyway. Let loose, lay it on. Of course, be genuine about it, but do not be shy to show your goddess and feminine. Open your heart, do not wait for him to lead in that regard. 

[ertopolice]

@Flowerfaeiry Hei thanks for your help!!

Yes..even Leo told me to show flirty

And definitely I think you are right about me being bit cold. I try so hard not being needy that perhaps it's way too much. Then I wonder myself tons of sh*t  about how come is it that if i get men's attention normally because of my physique, why do they not show or lead when we date and i even put a little more effort in dressing and all that dating ritual stuff.

 

I'll follow your advices..and let's see what it leads to. I do not wanna get into casual stuff with this guy. He's my way of thinking of long term relationships..but from the moment he's getting entertained with casual encounters...

let's see..

i need to think of some flirty text or as @gettoefl adviced: to ask him to rate our date from 1-10 ...in a flirty way

[Karmadhi]

@something_else What about "wow this guy is smart and knows so much shit, he seems wise and mature and also has goals/ambition/goals and works hard towards them". Is not this attractive for girls?

Edited August 23, 2021 by Karmadhi

[ertopolice]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

@something_else What about "wow this guy is smart and knows so much shit, he seems wise and mature and also has goals/ambition/goals and works hard towards them". Is not this attractive for girls?

I find it SO f* attractive! 

[Emerald]

On 8/21/2021 at 8:31 AM, Karmadhi said:

Nothing is gained by playing coy, if he is a non-judgemental developed guy he will not judge her for being "sluty" or "easy" or anything like that. If she likes him no reason to play coy, it just wastes both parties time. 

Maybe she should just make it bit more clear that is she interested in him and if he is too something will happen. If he is is not then they can part ways. More simple then playing coy games dont you think?

Ugh... that makes it so boring. It takes all the tension and fun out of it.

I understand that you haven't had a lot of experience with women. And for that reason, you personally might want things to be spelled out for you exactly.

But honestly, flirting is sooo much fun. 

And when you communicate your interest again and again in subtle flirty coy ways where there's still an element of plausible deniability, it makes for the best experience when it finally culminates into sex once you're alone. 

But honestly, if a woman is coy in the way that Leo is describing, you will be able to pick up immediately that she's interested because of all her flirtatious body language. The movement of her eyes, the laughter, the playing with her hair, initiating "innocent" physical contact... like her smacking the guy playfully on the shoulder when he says something a little risky that she really likes but pretends to be offended by. 

It honestly just comes so naturally. And when a woman plays coy, it should be super obvious that she's enjoying herself. It's not like she's cold. If that's the case, she's not interested. 

 

[Emerald]

On 8/21/2021 at 3:34 AM, ertopolice said:

Hi there

I recently opened a thread about an intellectual guy i feel attraction towards and that i met at my local gym and later on find on a social network.

After talking too much via online i ended up "asking" him to a face to face chat. He finally accepted and proposed a date.

We chatted yesterday afternoon over a coffee in a coffee terrace here in town.

We covered the topics we chatted about in social networks and we match on our views. He seemed interested in discussion as always, never showed a sign of flirtation or anything apart some moment when i "tested" him about his reaction to a comment i made about "i find it so attractive veins in people..it's one of the first thing i cannot help looking at when i meet a person" (ok..haha...it's true and cannot help it!!). The moment sparkled some bright in his eyes haha.

I dressed quite casually but cared to dress an outfit that i knew turned heads on people and that i felt confortahbe with...not provocative but feminine.

In no moment did he gave a sign of "scanning" me.

It was  3h of a first date that seemed like 1h to me. I think he got the same feeling because when we realized he rushed that he had to go home to take the dog out. 

I walked with him till his house on my way home aswell.  It was no see you..no we keep talking...no nothing. I remained polite as always with my first dates (men or whoever and for whatever reason it's a first date with someone) and said "ok X, it's been a pleasure to meet you..hope the dog haven't miss you too much during this time".

That's all

I barely slept because all the intellectual topics we covered...and we'd have gone longer i am sure. Also, i feel this connection can spark fire among us if we surrender to and it can be extremely sexy.

 

It's not even 24h after having met him on a "date" and i am already wondering if:

 

.- What should i do now. I guess i should not contact again and that it's now his time to pursue me

.-Wether it's all in my mind and he just behaves politely and enjoy casual sex with other women.

.- If i can manage stop obsessing about him because of this "fire" connecting i am sure both have if we stop the intellectual stuff and focus on the attraction. 

 

Help needed

I definitely second Leo's advice on being flirty. Being flirty isn't the same things as being in your masculine or being forward. 

Being flirty means that you're peacocking and showing your feminine energy. 

That means to let yourself be silly an out of your head. And responding to him warmly and playfully. 

Basically, it means giving him the greenlight that says "I'm interested in you" without directly saying "I'm interested in you."

[ertopolice]

25 minutes ago, Emerald said:

I definitely second Leo's advice on being flirty. Being flirty isn't the same things as being in your masculine or being forward. 

Being flirty means that you're peacocking and showing your feminine energy. 

That means to let yourself be silly an out of your head. And responding to him warmly and playfully. 

Basically, it means giving him the greenlight that says "I'm interested in you" without directly saying "I'm interested in you."

Good point that of seeing flirting as a way of showing off your feminine energy. 

I've realized i have to work a bit on this thing of being seen easy..because i am definitely not and i am struggling with my results because of that. 

I love to play the tools your mentioned before..this thing of subtle physical contact is something i always show almost unintentionally when i feel some kind of attraction. 

[something_else]

Quote

But honestly, flirting is sooo much fun. 

This has got to be one of the biggest things that a lot of guys should to learn to enjoy. And also realise just how much women enjoy it too. I've always been a little serious pretty much just due to lack of socialising for my late teens, but I've been on a few dates recently where the back and forth flirting and progressive escalation was legit some of the most fun I've ever had in my life.

A lot of the pickupy posts here are really serious, theoretical and intellectual. Like I'm by no means an expert but that's not how you learn to flirt and have fun. I guess it works for some people, though.

[ertopolice]

11 minutes ago, something_else said:

This has got to be one of the biggest things that a lot of guys should to learn to enjoy. And also realise just how much women enjoy it too. I've always been a little serious pretty much just due to lack of socialising for my late teens, but I've been on a few dates recently where the back and forth flirting and progressive escalation was legit some of the most fun I've ever had in my life.

A lot of the pickupy posts here are really serious, theoretical and intellectual. Like I'm by no means an expert but that's not how you learn to flirt and have fun. I guess it works for some people, though.

Yes-

This lack of use of the flirtation techniques lead to my situation of:

.- Not knowing wether the interaction has lead to any interest in the other person or not, because of the little connection in that sense and focusing on the intellectual stuff (which have to say is a turn on for me meeting ppl so mentally deep that can blew out my mind..but..)

Big drama

 

[Karmadhi]

@Emerald You mistake intent. I did not say not to flirt, i said not to play coy. By that i mean not playing games, "dont text him for 4 hours" or "appear like you are not interested", and all of that shit. Flirting is indeed fun but when girls start testing you and doing power struggles/frame wars and all of that shit then it is super annoying.  Young girls do this A LOT. It honestly made me uninterested in dating for many years because i do not have nerve to play silly games.

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi Yes. I find It so mentally tiring all that gaming stuff. I am 100% guided by my intuition but sometimes i worry about how should i act in all this because of the damm playing/ players culture u hear of. Some men play games too and you have to keep an eye on how their behaviour matches their words..

E.g. This no contact thing of mine looks so weird (as if he or me are expecting the other to through some "hi.." in a text firstly)