UPDATE on my (finally) intellectual date. Further steps? Fiery connection?

[ertopolice]

Hi there

I recently opened a thread about an intellectual guy i feel attraction towards and that i met at my local gym and later on find on a social network.

After talking too much via online i ended up "asking" him to a face to face chat. He finally accepted and proposed a date.

We chatted yesterday afternoon over a coffee in a coffee terrace here in town.

We covered the topics we chatted about in social networks and we match on our views. He seemed interested in discussion as always, never showed a sign of flirtation or anything apart some moment when i "tested" him about his reaction to a comment i made about "i find it so attractive veins in people..it's one of the first thing i cannot help looking at when i meet a person" (ok..haha...it's true and cannot help it!!). The moment sparkled some bright in his eyes haha.

I dressed quite casually but cared to dress an outfit that i knew turned heads on people and that i felt confortahbe with...not provocative but feminine.

In no moment did he gave a sign of "scanning" me.

It was  3h of a first date that seemed like 1h to me. I think he got the same feeling because when we realized he rushed that he had to go home to take the dog out. 

I walked with him till his house on my way home aswell.  It was no see you..no we keep talking...no nothing. I remained polite as always with my first dates (men or whoever and for whatever reason it's a first date with someone) and said "ok X, it's been a pleasure to meet you..hope the dog haven't miss you too much during this time".

That's all

I barely slept because all the intellectual topics we covered...and we'd have gone longer i am sure. Also, i feel this connection can spark fire among us if we surrender to and it can be extremely sexy.

 

It's not even 24h after having met him on a "date" and i am already wondering if:

 

.- What should i do now. I guess i should not contact again and that it's now his time to pursue me

.-Wether it's all in my mind and he just behaves politely and enjoy casual sex with other women.

.- If i can manage stop obsessing about him because of this "fire" connecting i am sure both have if we stop the intellectual stuff and focus on the attraction. 

 

Help needed

 

 

[Leo Gura]

He sounds like a nerdy, clueless, nice-guy with zero game and little experience. Intellectual guys can be like that.

Keep texting with him and dropping some flirty / sexy signs. He should bite at some point.

Don't be afraid to get flirtatious with him. Subtly plant in his mind that you want his dick, but then pull back a bit and play it coy so he pursues you.

Dangle the bait. Then make him work for it a bit.

[Hello from Russia]

Just give him more clues

[ertopolice]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

He sounds like a nerdy, clueless, nice-guy with zero game and little experience. Intellectual guys can be like that.

Keep texting with him and dropping some flirty / sexy signs. He should bite at some point.

Don't be afraid to get flirtatious with him. Subtly plant in his mind that you want his dick, but then pull back a bit and play it coy so he pursues you.

Dangle the bait. Then make him work for it a bit.

He certainly dismatches my nerdy guy type, honestly. He seems so alpha and on his masculine power (especially when discussing politics and intellectual stuff..). I think he knows how to keep the distance and show cold. He claimed to be "straight edge" after realizing it was not the way to go and some other stuff in his teens/youth.

I am over average looks, and people use to like me more when they know me intellectual/emotionally. I find it a curse being intellectual and only getting attracted to these profiles of guys to be honest. The thing is that i will not surrender to any physical stuff so easily but i wonder if playing the game on him will make his assume i am surrendering. He seems to be dating for casual sex other women, but follows traditional values and believes in traditional stuff .May he be pissed off of all this dating game? he seems to have lost faith in society and human relationships haha (i do too :D)

Too much of a flirtatious game with this pagan stuff we love and share :D. It an extremely weak point for him as a man, i realized hahah.

Should i keep texting him and be the PURSUER? 

 

Edited August 21, 2021 by ertopolice

[gettoefl]

1 hour ago, ertopolice said:

He certainly dismatches my nerdy guy type, honestly. He seems so alpha and on his masculine power (especially when discussing politics and intellectual stuff..). I think he knows how to keep the distance and show cold. He claimed to be "straight edge" after realizing it was not the way to go and some other stuff in his teens/youth.

I am over average looks, and people use to like me more when they know me intellectual/emotionally. I find it a curse being intellectual and only getting attracted to these profiles of guys to be honest. The thing is that i will not surrender to any physical stuff so easily but i wonder if playing the game on him will make his assume i am surrendering. He seems to be dating for casual sex other women, but follows traditional values and believes in traditional stuff .May he be pissed off of all this dating game? he seems to have lost faith in society and human relationships haha (i do too :D)

Too much of a flirtatious game with this pagan stuff we love and share :D. It an extremely weak point for him as a man, i realized hahah.

Should i keep texting him and be the PURSUER? 

 

if i was unsure about someone's receptiveness to me i would text them something pointed like, points out of 10 for last night? less than an 8 and it's over

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, ertopolice said:

He certainly dismatches my nerdy guy type, honestly. He seems so alpha and on his masculine power (especially when discussing politics and intellectual stuff..). I think he knows how to keep the distance and show cold. He claimed to be "straight edge" after realizing it was not the way to go and some other stuff in his teens/youth.

I am over average looks, and people use to like me more when they know me intellectual/emotionally. I find it a curse being intellectual and only getting attracted to these profiles of guys to be honest. The thing is that i will not surrender to any physical stuff so easily but i wonder if playing the game on him will make his assume i am surrendering. He seems to be dating for casual sex other women, but follows traditional values and believes in traditional stuff .May he be pissed off of all this dating game? he seems to have lost faith in society and human relationships haha (i do too :D)

Too much of a flirtatious game with this pagan stuff we love and share :D. It an extremely weak point for him as a man, i realized hahah.

Should i keep texting him and be the PURSUER?

Stop overthinking shit and just be playful and flirty.

This is not rocket science, it's dating.

You can also just ask him what his intentions are. Although this should be obvious from the flirting.

[Jennjenn]

@ertopolice i would say no more to the intelectual conversations. Next time you talk to him take him out of his head and into his body by just relaxing and being playful. For example don’t ask “what do you do for a living” but “ what are you most passionate about”. And just relax and try to enjoy everything around you, enjoy the smell of the coffee, the ambiance of the coffee shop, whatever you find enjoyable, just try to bring  pleasure to yourself, put your energy in your womb instead of your head. That’s how you get into your feminine energy. Then surrender the outcome. Your feminine energy is very valuable and if he doesn’t appreciate that’s ok. Anyone else would love to be next to that goddess energy ❤️

[ertopolice]

@Leo Gura I did not let it go too far in this first approach. Did not show my cards but i tested him that i bring up this pagan/mystic stuff it definitely ignites a fire in him. It's would have been fun honestly. It was a shame that time went by SO fast so i could test his intentions with me. Sharing these things is definitely a plus. It gets 100x more exciting.

 

@Jennjenn That's it!!! i'd have loved to put all those to work..but i cannot help getting into intellectual conversations...but yes, somehow i know he's surrender to a goddess power. As i've already said, he's too much into mythology/pagan stuff and all that

[Karmadhi]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Subtly plant in his mind that you want his dick, but then pull back a bit and play it coy so he pursues you.

Nothing is gained by playing coy, if he is a non-judgemental developed guy he will not judge her for being "sluty" or "easy" or anything like that. If she likes him no reason to play coy, it just wastes both parties time. 

Maybe she should just make it bit more clear that is she interested in him and if he is too something will happen. If he is is not then they can part ways. More simple then playing coy games dont you think?

Edited August 21, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Jennjenn]

1 hour ago, Karmadhi said:

Nothing is gained by playing coy, if he is a non-judgemental developed guy he will not judge her for being "sluty" or "easy" or anything like that. If she likes him no reason to play coy, it just wastes both parties time. 

Maybe she should just make it bit more clear that is she interested in him and if he is too something will happen. If he is is not then they can part ways. More simple then playing coy games dont you think?

I won’t call it playing coy but that women should know they are the prize. Men work on themselves and are in this forums because they want women. So, a woman realizes her worth and takes her time to think if that man is “worth it” and if that’s the one she’s going to choose. But in order to do that, she needs to center herself and think logically if that man matches what she wants for herself. 
 

many of us women sometimes forget to do that but we follow our emotions or our yoni, instead of taking our time (playing coy) and see if that man is going to be worthy of us. 
 

Also, many men have worked their whole lives to acquired assets, treats, strategies, and building things and projects, etc. Let’s give them time to show it to us and to spread his wings like a peacock. (Let him pursue you, it’s called being nice ) 

Edited August 21, 2021 by Jennjenn

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi It's simpler that way, but i got serious doubts that he is actually into dating for some serious thing in spite of all his views on traditional values, family, commitment and that stuff.

I initiated all contact since the very beginning and he accepted my dating offer with politeness. It has happened to me before that guys i date from the networks got amazed after they know me in person (i do not show off many pics of me on the net) and that use to generate attraction...

 

[gettoefl]

1 minute ago, ertopolice said:

@Karmadhi It's simpler that way, but i got serious doubts that he is actually into dating for some serious thing in spite of all his views on traditional values, family, commitment and that stuff.

I initiated all contact since the very beginning and he accepted my dating offer with politeness. It has happened to me before that guys i date from the networks got amazed after they know me in person (i do not show off many pics of me on the net) and that use to generate attraction...

 

be direct in communicating like i said above ... being direct in this way does not translate to how you would behave in person to someone, in person is always more subtle more mysterious ... sometimes that has to be put aside

[ertopolice]

@gettoefl Sorry i did not understand your last advice.

Yes, direct in "evaluating" yesterday's date (but..me initiating again via instagram about it?) 

BY FAR i appreciate people time and effort to face to face interactions. I love it and love to play my cards being mysterious but i am insecure about that 2nd date. Perhaps i've read too much about women-men interactions and the he should reach out first if he is interested..

I definitely found we both enjoyed the conversation and that it is not an usual thing to find such many coincidences over here!! it can lead to something but i don't know what exactly that would be, perhaps just some chemistry that's all..because i feel he is not ready for a relationship..plus i dunno want to waste my time either

[Karmadhi]

@ertopolice How did you generate your attraction towards him? Was it just because of how he looked? I am curious  

[ertopolice]

@Karmadhi I found this guy highly attractive and mysterious since i came to find him at my local gym.

Kinda shy, mysterious, highly traininng-committed person. Then i realized he got lots of pagan stuff tattooed and it boosted my interest even more.  One day i dare to talked to him around martial arts and stuff. We both weight train and are into martial arts aswell.

Then...

I kept pursuing :DD..and added him to social media

Till today

 

It's not the looks it's the way he speaks and defends his views on life and the world. He is not such a hottie physically and does not give too much attention to his clothing to be honest. He is an intellectual, love reading, loves alone time for himself but also seems to support getting a nice/intelligent woman to form a family with...

If you ask about looks...it'd be  6

But overall...would be a 7 for me

Lacks financial security and i am still trying to assess his past regarding some extreme views on politics he seem to still support. 

And I worked SO hard to reach my financial freedom...

Hope i answered ur question

 

 

Edited August 21, 2021 by ertopolice

[Karmadhi]

@ertopolice He got lucky with you. Most quiet intellectual guys get completly overlooked by women. Wish more girls gave such guys a chance . Respect to you.

[something_else]

39 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@ertopolice He got lucky with you. Most quiet intellectual guys get completly overlooked by women. Wish more girls gave such guys a chance . Respect to you.

Would be nice. Having said that this dynamic forces quiet guys to develop their social skills which is no bad thing

[Karmadhi]

@something_else Social skills are good to have but this "small talk be random and illogical" in conversations seems so pointless to me. I put effort into developing it and made progress and it is somewhat fun but when i think about it it seems so stupid. I prefer intellectual stimulating stuff more than just "illogical dumb shit".

Before you come here roasting me, i am doing it regardless and it is somewhat fun but i find it in principle unecessary. You can make jokes without being a goofball.

I do not see how being a goofball would aid a female survival either.

Edited August 21, 2021 by Karmadhi

[something_else]

@Karmadhi Why is an intellectually stimulating conversation any more valuable? Like 95% of the intellectually stimulating conversations I've had with my close guy friends has been lost to the void by now. It's completely pointless too

Guys just happen to be able to extract more emotional stimulation out of an intellectual conversation than girls do (on average ofc), but it's still all about the emotion rather than intellectual content

But being able to influence people's emotional state is unbelievably powerful which is why girls find it attractive. It's also incredibly fun for guys too if you get some good rapport going

[Karmadhi]

@something_else 

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

Why is an intellectually stimulating conversation any more valuable?

It is not. I just prefer it personally. Around 70 percent of the time or so, the rest you fuck around and make jokes.

12 minutes ago, something_else said:

But being able to influence people's emotional state is unbelievably powerful which is why girls find it attractive

Totally agreed, however i do not like much the way it is done. Acting like a goofball all the time. You can make jokes and tease without being a goofball. 

This is much better imo than being a goofball. There is actual meaning to the conversation, not just bullshit empty talk that makes no sense yet there is flirting and tension.

Edited August 21, 2021 by Karmadhi