My experience recovering from covid burnout

[PT89]

The past year I have seen my self deteriorate into a fraction of my former self.  I was once excited to wake up for work because I loved helping patients each day and seeing them recover with an appreciation for the opportunity to do so.  I felt a deep connection to everyone coming to see me.  Unfortunately throughout COVID, this motivation and passion was gradually replaced by a complete lack of energy and desire not only in my work, but also in my every day life. And it’s only gotten worse despite taking numerous vacations in an attempt to mitigate this fatigue. From my research, I’ve come to understand that burnout is extremely common in my profession and also in my many others.

 

Aside from my overall lack of energy and apathy towards the world, one of the most noticeable effects of my burnout was the amount of time I started devoting to reading the news and trying to figure out the truth with regards to everything covid related. My daily meditation routine was soon overridden by hours everyday researching the situations of many countries worldwide, trying to find patterns, and listening to opinions from as many perspectives as possible.  Each day trying my hardest to discern what the correct perspective was.  Never in my life have I seen issues emerge that are so captivating, thought provoking, yet furiously polarizing. A degree of polarization that has seen many mentors, healthcare professionals, and spiritual teachers that I look up to completely divided.  And in my mind, some of these people had to clearly be right, and some people had to be wrong as rigid lines between the two were being drawn.  Which side should I be on?

 

Then came the knowing that I needed to detach entirely from these issues and the plethora of narratives around me if I ever wanted to feel myself again.  I could finally feel my energy returning after a small amount of time spent in quiet relaxation and coming to an understanding of my own.  The understanding that it is/was completely futile and energy wasting to spend my time trying to make a relative perspective into something absolute (people should do this, people shouldn’t do that). The egoic attachment to a belief on either side of the fence fueling the battle between groups of people now known as either “covidiots” and “sheep” is the very attachment preventing every individual from feeling what they desire.  Both groups have those reacting to fear or loss of control. And it’s the extent of this fear/loss of control that permeates and perpetuates the mass division within our populations. I’ve lived the immense repercussions of analyzing a never-ending number of perspectives that has led me nowhere aside from chasing my own tail, having every viewpoint challenged by some form of new information or perspective. The only way I’ve been to feel myself again, to feel centered, to feel excited about life, was to let go of identification with any form of rigid belief, any form of attachment one way or the other. To let go of my need for knowing the truth, and to rest peacefully in not knowing.  Paradoxically, it’s in this space of not needing to know that I’ve felt most capable and trusting in whatever decisions I would make in each moment.

 

If I could share any advice for anyone feeling exhausted and uncertain, burned out and lacking control, know that you’re not alone. And know that it’s okay to not know the answer.  I doubt if anyone has the full answer but I do know that it’s fully be possible for people to continue living joyously and compassionately even amidst the most difficult of times.

[Flyboy]

This is great advice.  I am quite happy to let people argue until they are blue in the face about politics.  It's not that the truth "can't be known," but in fact that there is no truth.  There is only perspective, based on webs of conceptualization and categorization, based on infinite regressions and varied individual direct experience.  Letting go of your attachment to "knowing the truth" is definitely the first step towards wisdom!  You can of course take stands and have opinions based on nuance and principles, but hold them lightly and always admit that ultimately you do Not Know.

In the end, all judgement, blame, and criticism is untenable.  And clinging is the root of suffering, so just let it go, brah