Why is Dating So Difficult?

[Focus Shift]

Dating is an area that I've found to be the most difficult and frustrating in my personal development journey, so I put this together from a variety of perspectives and sources. For many, dating can be downright anxiety inducing. However, is this because of the current age of social media? Or are there evolutionary trends that made it an inherently difficult process across all generations? Figures such as David Buss and Matt Ridley tend to lean on the Darwinian point of view, while others, such as Christopher Ryan, refer to Anthropology. In the more anthropological view, Ryan examines how hunter gatherers live in non-monogamous societies, and share other resources as well. We suffer today in our modern industrial society because it leaves us atomized. Porn, Pickup, and Dating apps are examined as well, and finally, a synopsis of Models by Mark Manson, hands down the most insightful guide that I've found to modern dating. What are your thoughts on why dating and the relations of the sexes are so strained? 

Edited August 20, 2021 by Focus Shift

[KennedyCarter]

It can be if you are attached to the outcome. But if you date for fun then it’s FUN. I had trouble for awhile with being needy, clingy, and trying hard to get a partner.

But something amazing happens when you don’t care. You actually start attracting people and keeping them around. Act as if the person already likes you and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Think about your friends. You didn’t put so much pressure on making them your friend. It just kinda happens.

Good video! Thanks for sharing

Edited August 20, 2021 by KennedyCarter

[Focus Shift]

@KennedyCarter See, but that is somewhat of a paradox. Desiring to not be attached to an outcome is still an attachment to an outcome "How can I desire not to date someone, so I can date them?". Mark Manson instead suggests to be more direct in our intentions, and move on if it doesn't work out. 

[charlie cho]

@Focus Shift well, 99% of people die still being attached to sex. another 1% are lucky enough to not have any attachments to it. I guess they are the enlightened ones. 

What truly shocked me to the roots was when I was 15 years old, I saw my grandfather thirsting for sex from his maid at age 88 while he was dying. He was always the alpha, the feared one in my family, but to see him so weak and desperate while he was dying shocked me. It turned out that his alpha personality was a sham. That picture in my mind drove me to really take action on my own sexual desires. 

I think it's more about going deep into sex. It is a lie to say these enlightened masters had no deep understanding about sex. They were totally aware of it and understood all the nooks and crannies of it. We must do the same in order to be conscious beings. At least, that is what I do. I try to understand and go deep into sex. 

Edited August 20, 2021 by charlie cho

[Focus Shift]

@charlie cho Being a Tantric, I don't reject sexuality, or consider rejecting necessary for enlightenment. My mentor describes the Tantric Path as a guerilla form of spirituality as it takes place in the world, and to act in the world without being thrown off balance. From a pragmatic point of view, I recommend giving this a watch to get more context

Edited August 20, 2021 by Focus Shift

[KennedyCarter]

@Focus Shift I mean no attachment to the outcome. You pursue the person but you’re ok with what ever happens. You can’t force things.

[Focus Shift]

@KennedyCarter That's true

[Focus Shift]

@KennedyCarter @charlie cho What did you guys think of the dating doc itself?

[Preety_India]

Women are difficult to please. 

 

[Focus Shift]

@Preety_India hahaha I think humans can be pretty difficult to make happy in general. That's why I love Mark Manson's philosophy, setting boundaries, being clear and intentional about your values, and what you will and will not tolerate in your life. 

[universe]

22 minutes ago, Focus Shift said:

That's why I love Mark Manson's philosophy, setting boundaries, being clear and intentional about your values, and what you will and will not tolerate in your life. 

And woman will love you for this.

Everyone wants to get the best they can get. It's all survival.

[Focus Shift]

@universe I've found it's great for work and business, but need a bit more experience to use it with relationships personally