Dating a suicidal person

[mememe]

i was not really aware of what this forum was all about the whole time.

 

[AriSujan]

[mememe]

20 minutes ago, AriSujan said:

now that`s a plot twist yamada mumon didn`t have in mind. probably.

[Vzdoh]

Suicidal people need professional help and they are in no position to be a loving, caring, and giving person in relationship. In this condition they are mostly positioned to take, not to give. And this will quickly escalate into all sorts of boundaries violations. 

I don't even date depressed men let along full on suicidal. Find another guy! 

[Thought Art]

4 hours ago, Marcel said:

@Preety_India

This is not about judgement.

This is about the fact that i pushed everybody far away from me, nobody was able to get close to me.

I refused all help and support and craved it at the same time.

There was a constant tug of war in my head, and any relationship would have turned toxic over time, especially when you now also factor in that i had terrible coping mechanisms and massive anger issues that i did not have under control whatsoever back then.

Wow can relate

You can't save a depressed, suicidal or needy ass man. He will only turn on you when you don't give him the love he can't fully accept or give himself.

Edited August 22, 2021 by Thought Art

[somegirl]

I wouldn't recommend it at all. That person, even though I feel compassion for their mental state, should not date until they sort a few things in their mind.

Because, whether you want to believe it or not, suicidal person WILL ultimately cause problems over and over again in relationships and noone wants to deal with such instability. 

That person telling you they stopped having suicidal thoughts because you came along, is such a red flag. Imagine when you guys broke up, what a mess it will be.

You should not be their saviour. You both should be complete people before relationship, not needing the other to validate your worth. 

[Vzdoh]

I see Karpmam triangle in action right there! 

[Matt23]

I guess ultimately the question is "Is the relationship working for you?  Are you happy in it?  Does it fill rather than drain your cup?"  

Cuz if you're feeling good enough in the relationship, and feeling positive, lifted, and are enjoying it, then why not keep it going?

If not, well then you've maybe got some thinking to do. 

Also, I suppose another trap i hear about is people denying how miserable they are in realtionships due to guilt, fear of leaving, or other negative and poor motivations.  

So make sure you're getting an accurate picture of the relationship and how you're feeling about it/him. 

Maybe also getting other people's perspective on it that you know personally, and who know him as well. They might see things you don't.  Maybe not. 

 

[QandC]

My ex was suicidal and had the most irrational fears you could ever imagine. It was the most frustrating time of my entire life and no matter what I did it never helped. It's amazing how toxic and delusional a mind can get. So much that even it starts infecting your own mind, and then you are fucked. Some people cannot be cured, especially when they do not want to be 

Edited August 22, 2021 by QandC

[Javfly33]

@QandC can you give some examples of her irrational fears and delusions? Im curious

[Roses_are_red]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

I was not talking about a person who becomes suicidal within a old established relationship. I was talking about starting to date a suicidal person. That is a no-no if you value your sanity.

If you're cool with dating suicidal people, well, why not a psychopath while you're at it? Psychos need love as much as the next guy.

Be ware the trap of idiot compassion.

In the end I don't care who you date. I was just looking out for you. If you want to stick your head in the jaws of an alligator, be my guest.

Dating someone who’s suicidal would be frustrating as hell cause they’re not able to give & receive love in the way a healthy mind would — & hence could lead to boundary transgressions, for sure. 
 

but calling all suicidal folks “noobs” is a bit cruel! You’ve got audience members who’ve experienced suicidality, too, Leo, & it’s not something to label or ostracize, but for sure it’s extremely difficult to treat and care for such people without professional training & support & time investment

people with a hard work ethic could experience suicidality due to unforeseen life events, trauma or PTSD, so calling someone suicidal an unprofessional noob was what I was highlighting was upsetting, coming from you! Hope you get it now

 

[Leo Gura]

9 minutes ago, Roses_are_red said:

but calling all suicidal folks “noobs” is a bit cruel!

You expect me to assume that this suicidal guy she's gonna date is some psychological virtuoso? Get real.

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

[Preety_India]

Don't be judgemental towards suicidal people. 

And do not underestimate what someone can bring to a relationship, no matter what state of mind they're in. 

No relationship is ever perfect nor does it ever have to be. 

 

 

[Blackhawk]

I think people who are against dating suicidal people are shallow, selfish, cold hearted, cruel, lack empathy, etc.

I wouldn't mind dating someone suicidal. I would almost prefer to date someone like that. It's much more interesting to be deep with someone. 

Also the dark side should be explored.

Edited August 23, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Johnny Galt]

13 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

Common now  Maybe you'd have a talk with your daughter about what it is she's getting into, I could see that, but to "throw him to the curb".

Are you playing Osho? like when he says mother teresa should jump in front of a bus lol

[Blackhawk]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

If that's seriously how you feel... then you are lacking empathy.

[Preety_India]

15 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I think people who are against dating suicidal people are shallow, selfish, cold hearted, cruel, lack empathy, etc.

I wouldn't mind dating someone suicidal. I would almost prefer to date someone like that. It's much more interesting to be deep with someone. 

Also the dark side should be explored.

Yes absolutely agree with this. 

 

[QandC]

@Javfly33 For example if I'd say a sentence like "You will have a bad day" it became true for her. So much that I had to "reverse the curse" and that was an entire process of it's own.Ridiculous, I know. But imagine loving someone so much, and they just tear your heart out through their toxic behaviour, and eventually after months you don't even know who the hell the person is, why you are with this person, or why you still stay with her. But still you do and you cannot get away from it. It's utterly crazy how much infatuation and neediness can blind us. What's even worse is knowing that you have the key to get away from your suffering, but you actually believe that leaving the suffering will equal more pain than staying in it. 

Delusions = Hell

Edited August 23, 2021 by QandC

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, QandC said:

@Javfly33 For example if I'd say a sentence like "You will have a bad day" it became true for her. So much that I had to "reverse the curse" and that was an entire process of it's own.Ridiculous, I know. But imagine loving someone so much, and they just tear your heart out through their toxic behaviour, and eventually after months you don't even know who the hell the person is, why you are with this person, or why you still stay with her. But still you do and you cannot get away from it. It's utterly crazy how much infatuation and neediness can blind us. What's even worse is knowing that you have the key to get away from your suffering, but you actually believe that leaving the suffering will equal more pain than staying in it. 

Delusions = Hell

Haha I had experienced something similar. 

 

[Roses_are_red]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You expect me to assume that this suicidal guy she's gonna date is some psychological virtuoso? Get real.

If you were this girl's father and she brought home this suicidal dude, you would grab him the by ear and throw him to the curb.

Definitely not condoning the relationship! But suicidal people can be redeemed. I’m not sure about this specific one — we’re only hearing about him in third person, none of us have direct experience with him so it’s impossible to know his psychological profile. Also, simple psychedelics like mushrooms have a profound impact on suicial & depressive symptoms — they’re even great for treating PTSD, as you know! Even with microdosing. So it’s a reversible mental health problem, given access to the right resources (the lack of which leaves this person with nothing to fend for himself, & no one in his corner). Staying friends is probably the ideal option in OP’s case. I’m NOT saying she should date him. That isn’t the wisest option here — nor is cutting him out of her life completely. But it’s OP’s choice to call the shots on that, & her choice alone is sovereign here.