The Artist's Way

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, Esilda said:

@RickyFitts

You're so freakin' adorable 

[Gianna]

@Esilda & @Loba : Thank you both so much.  It means a lot to hear this. 

[Gianna]

Week 10 Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

• "creativity is God's energy flowing through us, shaped by us like the light flowing through a crystal prism." 
• when we are clear about who we are and what we are doing, the energy flows freely and we experience no strain 
• when we resist this energy we often experience a shaky, out-of-control feeling. we want to shut it down and regain control
• the shaky feeling comes over them and feels as if they are going too fast and god knows where
• every creative person has myriad ways to block their creative energy– food, drugs, distraction, other people, workaholism, love obsession, etc.
• the second a creative thought arises is it lopped off by obsession with one of these blocks.  
• knowing yourself as an artist is knowing your creative block/blocks 
• if creativity is like a burst of the universe's breath through a straw (us), we pinch that straw whenever we block; we shut down our flow
• we do this on purpose because as we start to feel our real potential, we get scared. we try to slow our own growth
• the block that is the most toxic to you is the block you get defensive about or are in denial over. 
• mixing and matching your blocks is a strategy for not noticing you are blocking. so is using the excuse of 'coincidence' "she happened to call, the ice cream was there right as I was hungry, etc." 
• blocks alleviate fear 
• "we turn to our drug of choice to block whenever we experience the anxiety of our inner emptiness." 

Creative U-Turns 

• a creative u-turn is the choice to block.
• a creative u-turn is turning back on yourself
• blocking is essentially an issue of faith
• rather than trusting our intuition, talent, skill, desire, we fear where our creator is taking us. 
• it feels too good. happy is terrifying, unfamiliar, out of control, too risky! 
• when you become aware of your blocking device you can feel your creative u-turn as you make it. 
• the trick is to use the anxiety as your fuel 

Workaholism

• workaholism is avoiding yourself 
• see workaholism as a block instead of a building block 
• abusing your inner child leads to cinderella complex– always dreaming of the ball and always experiencing the ball and chain
• there is a difference between zestful work and workaholism– the difference lies in the emotional quality. 
• for a workaholic, work is synonymous with worth, and so we are hesitant to jettison any part of it. 
• workaholism is a process addiction (an addiction to a behavior rather than a substance) so it is hard to tell when we are indulging in it. 
• a workaholic gets sober by abstaining from overwork but you need to define overwork and identify it in yourself. 
• to combat rationalization use a bottom line. be specific, not vague. 
• with workaholism and creative u-turns, you need outside help when it is severe (don't as another workaholic for help with your workaholism) 
• there are workaholism anonymous meetings springing up in some areas

Droughts 

• in any creative life there are dry seasons. 
• "they appear out of nowhere and stretch to the horizon like a death valley vista"
• your work feels mechanical, empty, forced. lost its sweetness. 
• these are the times where the morning pages are most difficult (they seem painful and foolish) and yet this is when they are most valuable. 
• during a drought, showing up is difficult.
• a drought tells you that it will last forever. 
• during a drought– and during doubt– we are fighting with God. we lost faith in the great creator, in our creative selves. 
• during a drought, emotions are tried up. it is a tealess time of grief. we are between dreams, we do our pages out of habit instead of hope. 
• droughts end because we keep writing our pages. 
• in a creative life, droughts are necessary; they bring us clarity and charity. When you are in a drought, know that it is for a purpose. 
• to write is to right things and things will become right. a path will present itself. an insight will emerge to show us the way out. 
• the morning pages are both your wilderness and your trail. 

Fame
...

Competition

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Tasks 
... 

[Esilda]

@Gianna No worries darl you've got this!

2 hours ago, Gianna said:

Week 10 Recovering a Sense of Self-Protection

• we do this on purpose because as we start to feel our real potential, we get scared. we try to slow our own growth

...

And sad

[Esilda]

I feel that I want to be weak sometimes, that there's something in my subconscious that shields me from wanting to take the next step. Fear I suppose but then there's something I get off on from encouraging that fear. Like what would I lose if I kept growing? Almost as if staying in one place has become a "good thing", like virtuous or something.

Introspecting.

[Gianna]

@Esilda Introspecting does so much for us. 

[RickyFitts]

5 hours ago, Esilda said:

I feel that I want to be weak sometimes, that there's something in my subconscious that shields me from wanting to take the next step. Fear I suppose but then there's something I get off on from encouraging that fear. Like what would I lose if I kept growing? Almost as if staying in one place has become a "good thing", like virtuous or something.

Introspecting.

Brings to mind a Marianne Williamson quote: 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.'

I feel like there's so much truth in that, for me at least. What is it that scares me? Responsibility? Being seen?

[Gianna]

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Brings to mind a Marianne Williamson quote: 'Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.'

I feel like there's so much truth in that, for me at least. What is it that scares me? Responsibility? Being seen?

What a perfect quote. I think what scares me is the energy itself– it's completely overwhelming. Like this quote, it's so powerful beyond measure I can't help but resist it at least a little. This line below is exactly my experience with God's energy (life force energy, consciousness energy, whatever you want to call it): 

18 hours ago, Gianna said:

we often experience a shaky, out-of-control feeling. we want to shut it down and regain control

except, the only reason for this experience is because of the resistance. If I were to not resist (but allow the energy to flow through and out of me) I wouldn't feel these sensations. But I can't help but resist it because the energy itself is what is so scary. It's so big and so powerful.  I remember @Leo Gura saying something like, "God's love is so great you can't handle it." Well, how do we handle it? haha. Because I want to CREATE! 

[Gianna]

I really don't think it's a self-worth thing for me. Like, "I don't think I am worthy of something so great so I resist it." I mean I could definitely see that and it probably is that to a degree. But because my experience of resistance is more somatic than it is psychological, I really think it's more of a nervous system thing. Like my entire nervous system is wired/conditioned to shut down god energy or something. And– granted– I could see how the shaming and 'shutting down' of this energy from others when we are kids creates a psychological block/desire to resist the energy. But once you work through that, you still have an entire nervous system working against you????? you know what I mean.. haha. It's so hard to overcome both the psychological and biological wiring we are conditioned with. Like SO fucking hard. idk how leo does it. I could hear him saying, "I just fucking do it!" haha. but you can't bulldoze the beast that is your nervous system. At least not without some serious backlash. 

Edited August 31, 2021 by Gianna

[Loba]

@Gianna You're welcome, keep up the good work!

@RickyFitts Agreed.
@Esilda Thanks!  I like it, too, it helps me organize my thoughts.  I will check yours out as well.  At this point in time, I am just working with basic shakti energy and trying to understand it, and use it for different projects.  I'm not the best at writing, either.  It can be hard, like a whole paragraph can be written about a single feeling that took place in a second, and I totally get it.

 

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

I think what scares me is the energy itself– it's completely overwhelming. Like this quote, it's so powerful beyond measure I can't help but resist it at least a little.

I can relate so much to this, honestly - it feels so insanely powerful, and our bodies really aren't able to cope with that level of energetic charge if we haven't trained them to do so, lack of focus makes mind and body brittle and unyielding. This is why body-centred practices are so incredibly important, I believe.

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

except, the only reason for this experience is because of the resistance. If I were to not resist (but allow the energy to flow through and out of me) I wouldn't feel these sensations. But I can't help but resist it because the energy itself is what is so scary. It's so big and so powerful.  I remember @Leo Gura saying something like, "God's love is so great you can't handle it." Well, how do we handle it? haha. Because I want to CREATE! 

You're right, you really can't help it - resisting it is a reflex and you really don't have very much control over it, that's your limbic system going into survival mode I believe. So you have to entrain your body to relax resistance - this is where your allowing practice comes in, be consistent in your practice and it'll gradually get easier, I promise, your body will slowly become entrained so that the energy can gradually work through any energetic blockages in your system. It can seem so fucking futile and frustrating at times, but you'll start to see results if you stick with it - I promise. And then once you do start to see results, that'll give you the motivation to keep going. Consistency of practice is everything, as is trust in the process.

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

I really don't think it's a self-worth thing for me. Like, "I don't think I am worthy of something so great so I resist it." I mean I could definitely see that and it probably is that to a degree. But because my experience of resistance is more somatic than it is psychological, I really think it's more of a nervous system thing. Like my entire nervous system is wired/conditioned to shut down god energy or something. And– granted– I could see how the shaming and 'shutting down' of this energy from others when we are kids creates a psychological block/desire to resist the energy. But once you work through that, you still have an entire nervous system working against you????? you know what I mean.. haha. It's so hard to overcome both the psychological and biological wiring we are conditioned with. Like SO fucking hard. idk how leo does it. I could hear him saying, "I just fucking do it!" haha. but you can't bulldoze the beast that is your nervous system. At least not without some serious backlash. 

I know, Gianna, I completely get where you're coming from - it's hugely challenging, and it can be so very maddening and deflating at times. It can require more discipline and patience of you than you might have believed you possessed, but just keep up your practice and things will gradually get better, even though it might seem hopeless at times.

[RickyFitts]

Oh, Gianna, another thought that occurred to me recently: Have you considered how these energetic issues might tie in to your recent readings on trauma? Just another angle to consider.

[Gianna]

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

lack of focus makes mind and body brittle and unyielding. This is why body-centred practices are so incredibly important, I believe.

I noticed you always go back to the body-centered practices– which just shows how important it is. I need to focus more of my meditations on the body and I'm happy you remind me of that. I think it will help a lot with what we're talking about here. but I have been doing a lot of yoga!  

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

you have to entrain your body to relax resistance - this is where your allowing practice comes in, be consistent in your practice and it'll gradually get easier, I promise, your body will slowly become entrained so that the energy can gradually work through any energetic blockages in your system.

Okay yes so, body-centered practices, allowing exercises. these will help. I bolded what you mentioned about relaxing into it because that is what both Leo and SriSriJustinBieber advised in another post. You are all pointing to the same thing– to relaxxx into the resistance. next time it happens this is what I am going to do. 
 

2 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

It can require more discipline and patience of you than you might have believed you possessed, but just keep up your practice and things will gradually get better, even though it might seem hopeless at times.

thank you for reminding me of this– patience. I can be disciplined but I underestimate the patience it takes. I am going to practice body-centered meditations. Is shamanic breathwork considered a body meditation? And which ones do you do? 

44 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Oh, Gianna, another thought that occurred to me recently: Have you considered how these energetic issues might tie in to your recent readings on trauma? Just another angle to consider.

Ooo I didn't think about it no. But now that you mention it, I can see that being linked for sure . 

Edited September 1, 2021 by Gianna

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

I noticed you always go back to the body-centered practices– which just shows how important it is. I need to focus more of my meditations on the body and I'm happy you remind me of that. I think it will help a lot with what we're talking about here. but I have been doing a lot of yoga!  

I know, I'm conscious of sounding like a broken record!  Doing yoga's fantastic though, yeah, that should help a lot!  It's just a question of finding what works best for you personally in helping your body relax and release whatever it's been holding on to, I personally prefer meditation but I know yoga helped me so much a few years back when I was suffering with chronic anxiety.

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

Okay yes so, body-centered practices, allowing exercises. these will help. I bolded what you mentioned about relaxing into it because that is what both Leo and SriSriJustinBieber advised in another post. You are all pointing to the same thing– to relaxxx into the resistance. next time it happens this is what I am going to do. 

Great!  We do tend to develop patterns of resistance in certain areas of our bodies (I know that for me personally my solar plexus area  has been a particular problem area, for example),  but just bringing awareness to those areas and allowing them to release and breathe can help them start to break down - again, I imagine yoga will help a lot in this respect.

Also, don't be alarmed or discouraged if you find that you actually start to feel worse at times, that can happen as the body starts to release what it had been unconsciously resisting - it can really suck, but it actually shows that it's working, as perverse as that might sound, and it will pass.

3 hours ago, Gianna said:

thank you for reminding me of this– patience. I can be disciplined but I underestimate the patience it takes. I am going to practice body-centered meditations. Is shamanic breathwork considered a body meditation? And which ones do you do? 

I haven't tried shamanic breathwork, but I would have thought so, yeah - anything that brings attention into the body and helps it to relax is great. Do ease off if it starts to feel too overwhelming, though, there's no rush  

I personally prefer a method of meditation that involves as little technique as possible, because trying to follow a technique can make me neurotic and edgy - what I'm finding works best for me is to sit with the sole intention of keeping my body relaxed and still (ie in a state of non-resistance), and the actual content of my meditation in terms of thoughts and feelings isn't important. But again, it's about finding what works best for you personally, maybe observing the breath works better for you for example - I like Jon Bernie's rule of thumb for whether a practice is working or not: Is the space opening, or is it getting tighter?

Just a quick note on posture when meditating: I find that sitting up on a cushion, so that my hips are above the level of my knees, helps me to sit upright without straining. I personally prefer to sit in the half-lotus because I feel like that gives me a solid foundation, though again it's about finding what works best for you.

[Gianna]

8 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

I know, I'm conscious of sounding like a broken record!

It means you have found something immensely true! I'm glad to hear that you think that about yoga because I have really been loving it. 

 

10 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

my solar plexus area  has been a particular problem area, for example

how did you come to know this?! I'm so impressed. 

 

14 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

sit with the sole intention of keeping my body relaxed and still

I am going to do this with the same intention. it reminds me of one of the meditations you sent me to help with my root chakra. it felt really amazing 

15 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

I like Jon Bernie's rule of thumb for whether a practice is working or not: Is the space opening, or is it getting tighter?

Love this! 

 

22 minutes ago, RickyFitts said:

Just a quick note on posture when meditating: I find that sitting up on a cushion, so that my hips are above the level of my knees, helps me to sit upright without straining. I personally prefer to sit in the half-lotus because I feel like that gives me a solid foundation, though again it's about finding what works best for you.

Okay, I have been having posture problems in my meditations! So crazy you mention this  it's like you read my mind. 

[RickyFitts]

18 minutes ago, Gianna said:

It means you have found something immensely true! 

God I love you, Gianna  

26 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I'm glad to hear that you think that about yoga because I have really been loving it. 

A sure-fire sign that you've found the right practice for you, that's wonderful  

31 minutes ago, Gianna said:

how did you come to know this?! I'm so impressed.  

It became painfully apparent when I was having a hard time a few years back, when I meditated during that period I'd become conscious of this painfully contracted, desperate sort of feeling in that area of my body (but I'm doing much better now ).

35 minutes ago, Gianna said:

it reminds me of one of the meditations you sent me to help with my root chakra. it felt really amazing 

Oh I'm so glad to hear that

37 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Okay, I have been having posture problems in my meditations! So crazy you mention this  it's like you read my mind. 

Oh, I'm so glad I mentioned it then in that case! Hope it helps  I had posture problems too, initially, sitting in meditation was exacerbating a long-standing lower-back complaint I had - though when I corrected my posture, the complaint magically resolved, which was a very pleasant surprise! 

[RickyFitts]

Oh, just another note on meditation: Try positioning the tip of your tongue against the back of your top front teeth, that'll pull your tongue forward and out of the back of your throat, which should allow you to breathe more easily and freely. This might sound odd, but our jaws are misaligned because we eat with cutlery, apparently - our teeth should be aligned so that the top row sits directly on top of the bottom row, but instead we tend to have an overbite, which pushes the tongue back and can inhibit our breathing.

Edited September 1, 2021 by RickyFitts

[Gianna]

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

God I love you, Gianna  

I love you too 
 

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

A sure-fire sign that you've found the right practice for you, that's wonderful  

ooo good point! didn't think/remember it like that  
 

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

it became painfully apparent when I was having a hard time a few years back, when I meditated during that period I'd become conscious of this painfully contracted, desperate sort of feeling in that area of my body (but I'm doing much better now ).

oh man. I see! I'm glad to hear you overcame that! 
 

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Oh, I'm so glad I mentioned it then in that case! Hope it helps  I had posture problems too, initially, sitting in meditation was exacerbating a long-standing lower-back complaint I had - though when I corrected my posture, the complaint magically resolved, which was a very pleasant surprise! 

Me too! Yes, my issue is with my knees. So sitting on a pillow and raising my hips to be above them like you mentioned will really help. Hopefully mine with magically resolve too after this 
 

10 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Oh, just another note on meditation: Try positioning the tip of your tongue against the back of your top front teeth, that'll pull your tongue forward and out of the back of your throat, which should allow you to breathe more easily and freely. This might sound odd, but our jaws are misaligned because we eat with cutlery, apparently - our teeth should be aligned so that the top row sits directly on top of the bottom row, but instead we tend to have an overbite, which pushes the tongue back and can inhibit our breathing.

I just tried this and it definitely allowed more breath. I did it with an in through the nose and out through the mouth. 
 

[RickyFitts]

31 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I love you too 

You're so cute 

32 minutes ago, Gianna said:

 oh man. I see! I'm glad to hear you overcame that! 

Ah well I haven't fully resolved the issue, but it's certainly much more manageable than it was

33 minutes ago, Gianna said:

Me too! Yes, my issue is with my knees. So sitting on a pillow and raising my hips to be above them like you mentioned will really help. Hopefully mine with magically resolve too after this 

Oh no, sorry to hear about your issue with your knees!  Is it a serious issue? I'm just a little concerned that seated meditation might worsen the condition, though you can always see how you get on with it and then stop if it becomes too uncomfortable, of course.

35 minutes ago, Gianna said:

I just tried this and it definitely allowed more breath. I did it with an in through the nose and out through the mouth. 

Great!  

[RickyFitts]

Or you could meditate whilst sat on a chair if that's more comfortable for you, obviously, that's always an option. It's just whichever position allows you to sit with the least discomfort