These days I'm getting this feeling/METAMORPHOSIS

[Preety_India]

Have you experienced something like this? 

I feel like from inside, I'm changing in a massive way. Like a huge change. Do you ever feel like your whole personality is going to change 180 degrees. For example, let's say you were an angry or aggressive person and now something is making you change into a milder calmer friendlier person. Or let's take the opposite. You were a gentle person but now you are getting angrier, or just stricter.. 

Let me explain what's happening to me. My facial expressions are changing from sweet to mean/strict. I'm changing from a gentler person to someone more strict, pragmatic and matured, more serious and a bit bolder. 

I feel some kind of inner metamorphosis.

Like my inner self is struggling to come out or is undergoing huge transformation. 

And it's saying very loudly a very big FUCK YOU. It's asking me - why the hell do you care about all this drama around people? If they judge you, blame you, hold you responsible when you didn't do shit, then fuck it, who cares? It's like my inner self is challenging me big time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and not give a damn anymore, because nobody gave a damn about me. 

Is this a sign of inner growth? 

I feel a sense of boldness and self empowerment. Like why should I care what someone thinks of me. 

I used to engage in people pleasing behavior and I took a lot of shit in the process. 

But now my inner self is saying - STOP!!!! DEVELOP AN EGO. STOP GIVING A DAMN. 

A strong inner resistance developing gradually. 

Will this turn me into a narcissist? 

I feel like I'm developing a strong defense mechanism. Like building a wall around myself where only those people can scale the wall who aren't going to fuck with me anymore, aren't going to play mind games, aren't going to be passive aggressive or manipulate me or aren't going to give me a lame treatment. 

It's like my my heart is saying — if they don't treat you right, just don't put up with it anymore. The call is yours to make, not theirs. Take back power. 

 

 

Does this feel right or does this feel narcissistic? 

 

When I had these thoughts, this music was playing in my mind. Pretty aggressive. 

 

Edited August 18, 2021 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I also feel a tremendous sense of anger writhing inside of me when I feel these thoughts. 

 

[Zigzag Idiot]

It takes the power of the red energy ?to successfully travel the path. Don’t feel guilty or bad about it. Try to channel it for useful purposes on your path. Sometimes we have to tell the inner critic as well as those who would manipulate us through shame or guilt to go eat shit and die. ? 

The Red Latifa Enables Defense Against the Superego

Is relatively easy to see that much of our opaqueness, much of our lack of openness, much of our stuckness, is due to the attacks of the superego – ours and other people’s. These are the criticisms, the putdowns, the comparisons, the judgments, the devaluations, the blaming, the shaming, the rejection, and the hatred that the superego levels at you in all kinds of situations. Here the Red latifa can specifically be used in the service of inquiry, by giving us the strength to defend against the superego. 

Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 279

From https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/red-latifa plus 3 other excerpts to be found.

The Fullness of the Red Essence Arises in Many Flavors to Support the Openness of Our Inquiry

The courage of the Red latifa is what we need in all these situations. This willingness to feel our fear and continue our inquiry appears as a natural resilience—nothing strange or unusual, just a natural sense of how we can experience ourselves. This strength that we feel in our hearts infuses the soul with a boldness that allows her to be open to seeing things she has never seen before—even things she considers to be threatening or terrifying. From this perspective, you can see that self-realization or spiritual maturity is not for the squeamish, and not for the dilettante. You need to be serious about the journey in the sense of being willing to risk your life for it. If you’re going to complain or retreat every time something difficult happens to you along the way, then you are interested in something else; you’re not a true spiritual inquirer. The path of inquiry is a path of challenge and adventure always leading us into the unknown. Such is the fullness of the Red Essence that it arises in many flavors to support the openness of our inquiry: strength, energy, expansion, and the capacities to discriminate and confront our experience as we discover what is true. When this fullness of flavors fills our heart, it gives us the courage to welcome whatever the adventure of life brings us.

Spacecruiser Inquiry, pg. 283

From  https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/red-essenceaspect and more to be found if your curious.

[Preety_India]

@Marcel thank you 

 

[ZhenZhenZhen]

Yes, happened to me this month too. Its like the other side of the state of fear, in a healthy and energetical way. 

[Nahm]

The lion is roaring. ✊?

 

[Preety_India]

7 hours ago, Nahm said:

The lion is roaring. ✊?

 

Indeed