Approaching only works when coming from the right place

[Adept]

I’d like to share my experience and hear people’s thoughts on this. My goal is to become a more attractive man and my experience with PUA is that it only works when it’s done from the right place. When I first got into PUA I forced myself to approach women consistently and I feel this was only setting me back. The reason for this is because I felt I needed to do it to reach my goals and this squeezed all the fun out of it. Everytime I saw an attractive woman it made me go into “performance” mode and I had to approach her because I must take action. Surrendering this need to take action and becoming relaxed in my body through meditation made me way more attractive than any approach I forced myself to do.

Women pick up on intentions very easily and when it comes from a place where you are genuinely having fun and not doing it to ‘practice’, you are reinforcing better habits that make you more attractive. I don’t think the answer is as simple as ‘just approach 500 women’.

How do we solve this paradox of taking action but it also being genuine without the emotional charge of forcing yourself to approach and reinforcing bad habits? Honestly, completely letting go and just staying relaxed makes me way more attractive, but I also feel limited because I don’t approach as much. Kind of a weird paradox, but letting go feels like the right thing to do.

Edited August 17, 2021 by Adept
Better formatting

[Leo Gura]

As you approach a lot you will become more natural and it will become more like fun than work.

But this idea that approaching should feel natural as a newbie is just silly. It will not feel natural at all and you still gotta push yourself to approach. The first few years will be a slog.

[Adept]

@Leo Gura Thanks for the feedback! I think part of the issue was me constantly feeling this need to approach when I'm out and about, but maybe I should be more pragmatic and push myself to approach on set times like going to the gym 3x a week and not worry about it outside of those times. From there I can build up.

Edited August 18, 2021 by Adept

[Leo Gura]

You definitely must plan fixed times to go out. Don't leave things up to luck.

You should be going out to talk to girls at least every Friday and Saturday night for several hours.

Ideally you go out every night and hit it hard. Beast mode.

[Sleyker]

I see what you mean.

Ideally, you'll come to a point where you're out, maybe doing some shopping and you see a cute girl and it's like something is pulling you towards her, and when you realize it you're already talking to her. 

That's acting on your instincts. You go and don't even hesitate, you don't prepare shit in your mind before, you just show up because look: there's a hot woman and I want her. Then words just come out of your mouth. That's it. 

But hey, some days you will feel this way, some days you won't. Sometimes you have to push yourself, sometimes it's easy.

That's the whole journey, enjoy it bro. Realize the abundance in which you bask when there's no boundaries between a stranger and you. It's a blessing you have.

[hamedsf]

if you don't feel the pressure and stress then you're coming from a right place.

so it's like you want hookup and sex without the pressure of wanting hookup and sex. 

[JonasVE12]

Initially when you start approaching women you'll most likely be in an emotional state that is needing instead of wanting. Wanting is more about giving and sharing value. It is also a lot more independant of the outcome. Needing is a lot more about you and the reaction of the other person. They feel that and will be repulsed by that. 

You can't really help it but to start out in needing and then to progress to wanting. You rise up the ladder along the way as you gain more reference experiences and positive reactions. You adapt your energy and see what works. 

For me, a big shift happened when I tried giving people highfives. Try it 50 times with a needy energy and then 50 times with a higher giving/sharing energy.

Then transfer this to approaching with women. Say 'Hey, I saw you just walking from there and I had to come over and say hi, what's your name?' - But say this with the same giving energy as with the high fives. 

Other side of the puzzle is being grounded in your body. Be relaxed, present and grounded. Almost all the communication should flow from your feelings in your body.

[fopylo]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

As you approach a lot you will become more natural and it will become more like fun than work.

this is fax, not only with relationships. Today I had my meeting with my camp (one full long day) in which we were kind of forced to meet each other because we didn't know each other that well, so we were constantly opening up and talking to new people. Your body and mind get used to this feel of seeing someone new and socializing, until you realize its actual fun, and you enjoy it - and that is more authentic. I can't say I was really authentic, but I was more loosened up after approaching many people.

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura I have a question. From one side you make it seem as if getting girls is a skill game and i mostly agree. Yes, if you are totally not a girl's type you might not be able to attract her but overall there is a lot of skill involved.

However on the other side you create this idea that you need to talk to 100 girls to get 1. If you manage to attract 1/100 girls it means that she just through sheer volume found you attractive. It is not skill, it is just looking until you find a girl that finds you attractive physically, thus beating skill. 

From this perspective PUA does not seem as a way to make yourself more attractive as much as a way to quickly screen girls to find those that will be into you from the start, not attracting them with your personality.

I mean if you talk to 200 girls, 1-2 will find you legit handsome and you will not need any game to attract her as long as you are not retarted.

Could you or anyone here really, clarify this because i do not understand it.

 

 

Edited August 18, 2021 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

12 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura I have a question. From one side you make it seem as if getting girls is a skill game and i mostly agree. Yes, if you are totally not a girl's type you might not be able to attract her but overall there is a lot of skill involved.

However on the other side you create this idea that you need to talk to 100 girls to get 1. If you manage to attract 1/100 girls it means that she just through sheer volume found you attractive. It is not skill, it is just looking until you find a girl that finds you attractive physically, thus beating skill. 

From this perspective PUA does not seem as a way to make yourself more attractive as much as a way to quickly screen girls to find those that will be into you from the start, not attracting them with your personality.

I mean if you talk to 200 girls, 1-2 will find you legit handsome and you will not need any game to attract her as long as you are not retarted.

Could you or anyone here really, clarify this because i do not understand it.

It's absolutely BOTH.

Skill is hugely important for hooking and especially closing.

But of course no amount of skill will overcome a mismatch and lack of baseline chemistry.

Way more girls than 1/100 will get attracted to you and be willing to sleep with you. You can get attraction with maybe 20% of girls or more. But closing them is gonna be way lower simply due to all the logistical obstacles. You will lose so many girls who are ready to suck your dick. It will crush your heart.

And learning to screen girls quickly is a skill in itself and a huge part of game.

I spent a lot of time just developing a rapid sense of who I'm willing to fuck. Just that took lots of practice.

Even to close 1/100 girls will require serious skill. Keep in mind, by close I mean same night lay. That is not easy to pull off consistently. Requires enormous skill. You gotta be like a lion tamer.

[Vzdoh]

And don't forget, same day lay for a woman who values and treats herself very well and wants a relationship, not just a fuck, is almost impossible task! 

In my case, no cute guy got there - same day sex - EVER! ???

[Farnaby]

@Vzdoh hmm this may be true for you, but it seems judgemental to assume a girl who sleeps with someone on the first night doesn't value or treat herself well. 

I slept with my current girlfriend during our second date and we've been together for almost 6 years.

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, Vzdoh said:

is almost impossible task! 

Lol

It's easier than you ladies would ever admit

[Preety_India]

Same day sex never happened to me. I need emotional connection and rapport to build over time. 

(and I'm horny as f) 

 

[Purple Man]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

 

Even to close 1/100 girls will require serious skill. 

Then it seriously depends on the country. I am from/live in Spain, and right now the demented Covid measures wiped out the country , but up until 2020, if you were willing to try and miss some attempts (or not even so), you might almost every friday/saturday night end up having sex with a previously unknown woman. Many times you don´t even have to try yourself. And I am 46... 

Obviously that´s the potential situation, and  doesn´t mean that you´ll be willing to try. Flirting is one of the most ridiculous activities you can engage on, however interesting the result might end up being, and many times you just don´t want to make an attempt or to be judged like in a sad song contest. But that´s a whole different story.
  

Edited August 19, 2021 by Purple Man

[WaveInTheOcean]

2 hours ago, Vzdoh said:

And don't forget, same day lay for a woman who values and treats herself very well and wants a relationship, not just a fuck, is almost impossible task! 

In my case, no cute guy got there - same day sex - EVER! ???

But who cares?! Quick, casual sex over heart and spiritual connection ANY DAY OF THE WEEK!!

.. @Leo Gura

Quote

Lol

It's easier than you ladies would ever admit 

How would you know? You don't want girls who want a relationship, anyway - you prefer your solitude:-)

Edited August 19, 2021 by WaveInTheOcean

[Farnaby]

@Purple Man and we got the most beautiful girls in Spain too ?

[Purple Man]

2 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@Purple Man and we got the most beautiful girls in Spain too ?

Hi, Farnaby! Are you spanish or just living here? I really thought I was the only one:)

Even in the same country there are so different behaviours. I live in La Coruña, and places like this or Santiago de Compostela are just incredible for picking up, while the Basque Country is just the opposite. 

Anyway, the whole night/flirt game, which I played so much because it is fun, it is also tremendously energy consuming, and goes hand in hand with lack of sleep, alcohol, etc., which takes its toll. 

[Karmadhi]

@Leo Gura

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

ut closing them is gonna be way lower simply due to all the logistical obstacles. You will lose so many girls who are ready to suck your dick. It will crush your heart.

Totally agreed. Logistics require a lot of skill and even luck a bit. However, if a girl is attracted to you but cannot close then you can set up a meeting with them right there or get their number and schedule something after. If you build some comfort and connection should help. Maybe some of them will flake but some should meet. Also depends where you live. 

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

earning to screen girls quickly is a skill in itself and a huge part of game.

That is super subjective. Personally i know within 2 seconds if I would sleep with a girl or not. I am not picky much regardling looks and would consider maybe 30 percent of girls attractive to some extent. That might change for someone else might be totally different. 

 

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Karmadhi said:

That is super subjective. Personally i know within 2 seconds if I would sleep with a girl or not. I am not picky much regardling looks and would consider maybe 30 percent of girls attractive to some extent. That might change for someone else might be totally different.

I am extremely picky, which made my sex life 10x harder.