how to overcome trauma and grief (without therapy)

[devoid]

how do i overcome lifelong trauma and grief? i feel such a huge grieving over my life and childhood.

a lot of the trauma is centered around abuse from other people, never feeling happy (i can't recall a single happy memory from my childhood), being extremely lonely and isolated. it feels like such a huge part of my life has been taken away from me (and still is, in some ways), and the grief and negative feelings around that are so intense. i just want to hug the child-me and take care of them. this grieving came as a chock, because it didn't start until i started to realized what i had actually been going though my whole life. i thought the intensity would lessen if i just gave it time, just like when you grieve the loss of another person, but it doesn't. it's been about two years and it's just getting more and more intense.

some sideeffects of this is that i notice that i get angry when people have had an easier life than me (of course i don't let that out on them, but i notice an extreme anger inside), or when people have gotten help that i also needed but never got. some topics are extremely sensitive and i can't really handle people bringing it up without having a total breakdown. which kinda sucks, because i want to connect to other people with similar struggles, but i just get overwhelmed with negative emotions when i try to do so. i also can't visit or be near the town where i grew up without extreme anxiety and sadness.

therapy is not an option, and not getting help is a big part of the trauma so please don't comment that i need professional help. i know that i do, i'm looking for what other things i can do to help myself overcome this. there must be things that people do on their own to work through trauma and grief.

lastly i want to add that i don't mind having to grieve over this, i just want to do it in a way that is helpful to myself and not destructive, so that i can eventually move past this and feel okay. and i need advice on how to do that

[Raptorsin7]

Have you looked into psychidelics?

Taking a psychidelic alone and literally just contemplating about why you are suffering and what is the root can have dramatic effects

[devoid]

16 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Have you looked into psychidelics?

Taking a psychidelic alone and literally just contemplating about why you are suffering and what is the root can have dramatic effects

hm, i have not, but it would be interesting.

i don't know where to get a hold of some

i also have other medications, would have to look up if they are compatible

[Waken]

I'm happy I discovered Abraham Hicks' method, where you can just use your thought. The book 'astonishin power of emotions' by Abraham, written by Esther Hicks gives a lot of examples of how to use this method. Of course, there are many many more approaches, and I've tried quite a bunch myself

[Raptorsin7]

@devoid Look into it. 

Don't get stuck consuming self content mentally like everyone here, myself included. 

Your suffering has a root. Take psychidelics and contemplate the root.

For me naesous, sexual repression, and vomitting are at the root of my suffering.

[devoid]

10 minutes ago, Waken said:

I'm happy I discovered Abraham Hicks' method, where you can just use your thought. The book 'astonishin power of emotions' by Abraham, written by Esther Hicks gives a lot of examples of how to use this method. Of course, there are many many more approaches, and I've tried quite a bunch myself

thanks, will definiately look into it. since you've tried a lot, do you have anything else that was helpful to you?

[Waken]

1 hour ago, devoid said:

thanks, will definiately look into it. since you've tried a lot, do you have anything else that was helpful to you?

Things I've done that I think are worthy of mention:
- Something I've really liked, although not doing it now, is Judy Satori's light language audio's/audio programs: https://www.ascensionlibrary.org/
- I also really enjoyed using some invocations from the Sacred School of Omna, example: https://omna.org/message-goddess-diana/
- 5 elements and other mantra processes from Sri Kaleshwar I've done quite a bit too https://learn.divinelineage.org/p/fivelementsmeditation
- The work of Byron Katie
- Contemplation 
- "Being with yourself", is something I sometimes do with closed eyes. Especially when emotions rise, just giving yourself your own presence
- Breathwork such as holographic breathwork & holotrophic breathwork
- Meditation & yoga can of course be good
- Psychedelics
- More stuff

What I already shared is to find better feeling thoughts, the way Abraham Hicks suggests this I like, but of course there are other ways.

[Federico del pueblo]

Are psychedelics really recommendable for people dealing with serious emotional issues?

I ask this because I've read that e.g. LSD and shrooms could potentially exacerbate whatever emotional mess you're dealing with (as in having a horror trip).

So ist this really a good idea?

[ted73104]

@Federico del pueblo  I agree, I've heard of people getting bad trips before. Please exclude psychedelics as an option, unless you really want to meet God.

@devoid  I don't quite understand why you reject therapy, as in my experience it is a very direct way to resolving your issues. Of course I understand that therapy may be expensive. So if I were in your condition again and I had to find a way without professional help, what I would do is find people who I could talk about all these problems with. People who can be patient listening to you, could be your closest friend, or someone who has similar problems. Being able to express the pain and negative emotions is important in releasing the negative energies. 

Making new friends would be a great option, however depends on if you're able to find friends in your condition.

Another method would be to confront those who abused you in the past, go ask them why the fuck did you have to endure some of the things you did not like in the past. You'd probably not prefer this method, I'm not asking you to seek revenge, but talking to these people can bring clarity. You'd probably realize that you're also responsible for what happened in the past.

I think the most direct way would be in the list that @Waken recommended, but those stuff are very hard to implement by yourself and this is why therapy is recommended. You could also find someone who has done this inner work before and knows much about your condition, but you'd have to find someone who has this capability first, which is quite rare to find.

You're currently in a fog where you can't really see your situation. Then under this condition, you have to get out of the maze. You could easily get lost for decades if you traverse the maze yourself without assistance. Which is why I still recommend professional help. 

Edited August 25, 2021 by ted73104

[Ismael]

I'm reading Teal Swan's book "The Completion Process" at the moment.

Her technique is "(...) a comprehensive approach to healing core traumas that recur as emotional triggers that prevent us from living empowered lives free of fear. The Completion Process is an 18 step visualization that walks you through an emotional trigger following the emotion to the earliest memory, then resolving the child’s needs through both the mental visualization of resolution and providing awareness through the adult perspective of the events that occurred."

You could use this on yourself, it's been a very promising read so far! 

Quote

“The emptiness that we feel is the result of those rejected (and therefore
suppressed) parts of ourselves. Your soul wants only one thing, and that is to
make you whole again.”
― Teal Swan, The Completion Process: The Practice of Putting Yourself Back Together Again

 

Quote

“Children who are raised in unhealthy emotional environments aren’t able to
soothe themselves. Very often, they fail to emotionally connect with their family.
If they don’t develop intimacy at home, they feel desperately isolated and alone,
which may also lead to health problems.”
― Teal Swan, The Completion Process: The Practice of Putting Yourself Back Together Again

[RickyFitts]

Quote

“The emptiness that we feel is the result of those rejected (and therefore
suppressed) parts of ourselves. Your soul wants only one thing, and that is to
make you whole again.”
― Teal Swan, The Completion Process: The Practice of Putting Yourself Back Together Again

I love this quote so much, thanks for the info @Ismael

[devoid]

On 2021-08-25 at 6:35 AM, ted73104 said:

 

@devoid  I don't quite understand why you reject therapy, as in my experience it is a very direct way to resolving your issues. Of course I understand that therapy may be expensive. So if I were in your condition again and I had to find a way without professional help, what I would do is find people who I could talk about all these problems with. People who can be patient listening to you, could be your closest friend, or someone who has similar problems. Being able to express the pain and negative emotions is important in releasing the negative energies. 

Making new friends would be a great option, however depends on if you're able to find friends in your condition.

Another method would be to confront those who abused you in the past, go ask them why the fuck did you have to endure some of the things you did not like in the past. You'd probably not prefer this method, I'm not asking you to seek revenge, but talking to these people can bring clarity. You'd probably realize that you're also responsible for what happened in the past.

I think the most direct way would be in the list that @Waken recommended, but those stuff are very hard to implement by yourself and this is why therapy is recommended. You could also find someone who has done this inner work before and knows much about your condition, but you'd have to find someone who has this capability first, which is quite rare to find.

You're currently in a fog where you can't really see your situation. Then under this condition, you have to get out of the maze. You could easily get lost for decades if you traverse the maze yourself without assistance. Which is why I still recommend professional help. 

i have been trying to get help since i was about 10 years old and am to this day still trying. every professional i have met has told me that my issues are too much/complex and that they can't help me, and just tell me to find someone else because they don't understand. i'm not against therapy, but i'm tired for waiting to get the help i need. i want to help myself. i would prefer not going into more detail since this not-getting-help-despite-trying thing itself is part of the trauma

[Surfingthewave]

@devoid When I got help for grief and trauma I had to meet those difficult feelings I was avoiding. It was a difficult and painful process but the best thing I ever did. 

It sounds like you're avoiding this. 

You may need to go to the pain and sit with it to really allow it to move through you.

Perhaps look into shame and how this may have affected you. Brene Brown has done some good work. 

Are there any support groups you could look into. 

Journalling can reallly help also as well as talking to close friends. 

Self Care and Self Love are what you need. Do small things for yourself every day. Start the journey of healing.