Venting

[Blackhawk]

11 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

@Blackhawk Second life? We're just avatars here too. Neither male nor female, just appearances. No body loves you. A body can't love you. You don't need a female. No body LOVES you. You are loved, so completely utterly loved right here and now, you don't need no body to do it for you. 

Call someone, a family member or call a hotline if you need too. Or breathe from your stomach, or just really feel that direct sensation of that shitty awful rejected feeling you're feeling. Really, really feel it. What's it made of? What's the substance of it? 

No body loves you. We're beyond all that. 

Sending you love from no where for no body, cause you already are it. You feel it, don't you? 

No, no one loves me.

No I don't feel it.

Easy for you to say who are loved by a million people. So I guess stay in your nice bubble. Good for you.

[mandyjw]

2 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

No, no one loves me.

No I don't feel it.

Easy for you to say who are loved by a million people. So I guess stay in your nice bubble. Good for you.

No body loves me either! You make up a story in your mind what my life is like. Trust me, life is very, very frustrating and depressing when you try to make people love you. You're basically just glossing over unconditional love, throwing it all away just to insist that it IS conditional. And in doing that your conclusion is the same... no body loves me. 

Nothing I say here can make you feel loved.

I love you. 

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. 

I could spent the rest of my days typing it till I get kicked off the forum. It won't make you feel loved like you want to be loved. You might get a glimpse or a hit of it. But it won't last. You are what lasts. You are what lets it in, you are already it, glossing over it. 

[Blackhawk]

1 minute ago, mandyjw said:

No body loves me either! You make up a story in your mind what my life is like. Trust me, life is very, very frustrating and depressing when you try to make people love you. You're basically just glossing over unconditional love, throwing it all away just to insist that it IS conditional. And in doing that your conclusion is the same... no body loves me. 

Nothing I say here can make you feel loved.

I love you. 

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you. 

I could spent the rest of my days typing it till I get kicked off the forum. It won't make you feel loved like you want to be loved. You might get a glimpse or a hit of it. But it won't last. You are what lasts. You are what lets it in, you are already it, glossing over it. 

Nonsense. You even have a freaking family. You are just mentally masturbating. Spoiled with being loved by many bodies.

Your love isn't worth anything until you actually fucking talk with me in private.  These public forum replies aren't worth a rat's ass.

Oh now when you have to talk to me in private it's suddenly not possible to write to me at all? Haha, so much for "I love you". Very genuine love you got going on there.. not.

[Blackhawk]

@mandyjw But I don't want to hurt you. I hope that my post didn't hurt you.

[mandyjw]

5 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Nonsense. You even have a freaking family. You are just mentally masturbating. Spoiled with being loved by many bodies.

Your love isn't worth anything until you actually fucking talk with me in private.  These public forum replies aren't worth a rat's ass.

Oh now when you have to talk to me in private it's suddenly not possible to write to me at all? Haha, so much for "I love you". Very genuine love you got going on there.. not.

How is the action of me typing to you showing my love for you? Am I your slave? Have you typecasted me? Is that really what you want? Mindless uninspired typing? 

Just now, Blackhawk said:

@mandyjw But I don't want to hurt you. I hope that my post didn't hurt you.

Letters on a screen are unhurtable. 

You are worried you will hurt me and lose love, but you also say I don't love you, so how does this math work out? 

What is love? Is love a thought? Is love letters on a screen? 

[Blackhawk]

3 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

How is the action of me typing to you showing my love for you?

In my language that is love. 

4 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

What is love? Is love a thought? Is love letters on a screen? 

Love is first a emotion, then a thought, and then manifested on letters on a screen. The latter is what I need, in private, not publicly. Public shit isn't worth anything.

[mandyjw]

13 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

In my language that is love. 

Love is first a emotion, then a thought, and then manifested on letters on a screen. The latter is what I need, in private, not publicly. Public shit isn't worth anything.

Dragons! Potatoes! Butterflies! Carrots! Chocolate! Balloons! Dumb jokes! Your Mom! 

These are thoughts of things I love. They aren't love though. I can't make you feel love. You read the words the same, public or private is an idea after the fact. What difference does it make, really? Just more conditions you put on love. 

[Blackhawk]

17 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Dragons! Potatoes! Butterflies! Carrots! Chocolate! Balloons! Dumb jokes! Your Mom! 

These are thoughts of things I love. They aren't love though. I can't make you feel love. You read the words the same, public or private is an idea after the fact. What difference does it make, really? Just more conditions you put on love. 

Whatever makes you happy I guess..

(Continues disagreeing with you.)

[mandyjw]

@Blackhawk Alright, I'm sick and it's super close to Solstice and DARK AS FUCK and this all has triggered a traumatic memory so Imma gonna share it. 

When I was like... 12? I went to a girl's birthday party. They lived in a really tiny house and they all decided to do the Macarena dance in the living room. Her dad was pretty lazy and quite overweight and his easy chair was in that living room, so he just sat there. I ended up with the spot right in front of him. I mean, right in front. It was SO awkward. Where do I look? I can't look straight ahead, that's awkward, I can't look to the side. Ohh... God. 

The moral of the story and my advice to all men is, either...

A. Get OFF your ass and do the macarena with the 12 year olds. 

or,

B. Go help your wife in the kitchen with the f-ing Birthday cake. 

People do NOT want to be put on the spot to feel as if they are performing for you privately, they like to have fun. In general. Fun. Get off your ass and do the macarena. Get over yourself. Will it look silly? YES! Will people laugh, YES! Let them laugh! Are you laughing? Your choices are....

A. Look silly and be a dick who refuses to change his routine for the circumstances. 

or...

B. Look silly and have fun. 

Either way, you look silly anyway. I mean, no choice, right?

I'm not doing the macarena for you! No. No. I'm not. 

Ayyy! Macerena! 

Obviously this is not about the macarena, but attitude to life in general. Just have fun. Have fun wherever you can. People are fun. This is why you want people's attention. But you can't just sit there. LET ME TELL YOU. THAT WAS NOT A VERY GOOD PERFORMANCE OF THE MACARENA. This is fun. Really. It's all just for fun.

Fun.

Fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun.

Edited December 20, 2021 by mandyjw

[mandyjw]

https://youtu.be/DL7-CKirWZE

 

[Blackhawk]

@mandyjw Oh okay I see. Sorry.

Nothing is fun, but okay.

[silene]

@Blackhawk

"I don't want friends, "

"Your love isn't worth anything until you actually fucking talk with me in private.  These public forum replies aren't worth a rat's ass."

Is this literally, or just venting? It's beginning to look like all you really want is PMs with women  

No judgement, I'm just deciding whether to 'butt out' of your threads. Take care and good luck anyway.

[mandyjw]

10 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

@mandyjw Oh okay I see. Sorry.

Nothing is fun, but okay.

Don't say you're sorry! Just get out of that chair. Dance like no one is watching and with the forgiveness that understands that all women have been traumatized by the macarena at 12 years old and/or far worse. Do you know what it's like? Being the one who is expected to look pretty and be sweet all the time? Cause that's how you think you earn your love? And really it's all about your body identity and everything false about you? Do you reeeeally think being objectified that way and objectifying yourself that way is satisfying?

How do you think she feels? Same way as you " no one can love me." Same, DAMN conclusion. 

You say you don't like being there in that easy chair but you do. You expect the world to revolve around you to please you, but you refuse to please yourself. 

You're over here saying how terrible women are and yet you see them through this same objectification lens that they so desperately want more than anything to drop themselves. 

Don't say you're sorry. Don't BE sorry. Just put yourself in their shoes. 

This is all much, much, MUCH more easily resolved than you think. This is NOT about you getting what you want from women, it's about healing, for everyone, healing a big misunderstanding about what we fundamentally are. It's so much more big picture than you know. You are so much more completely Loved than you know. 

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by mandyjw

[Ananta]

4 hours ago, silene said:

Is this literally, or just venting? It's beginning to look like all you really want is PMs with women  

Literally

Yup

 

[Ananta]

16 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

Fuck all you females. Just.. fuck you

Merry Christmas to you too!

Ya know ppl here don't HAVE TO be nice to you. You get what you give....in this case it's this- ?

Edited December 20, 2021 by Ananta

[Blackhawk]

@mandyjw I don't know how all this turned out into that I objectify women and require them to please me. Apparently it's wrong to like women, like talking to them, and to want a partner.

And I was just being rational and logical about the love thing..

24 minutes ago, Ananta said:

Merry Christmas to you too! ?

Obviously I was being emotional and hurt when I said that. I didn't mean it.

[Blackhawk]

12 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

@mandyjw And I was just being rational and logical about the love thing..

Meaning: the "I love you" shit is clearly just empty words.

It's like when Leo says how loving he is and how Love is the ultimate truth and how much he Loves everyone etc., but when I write to him he doesn't even read my messages. So does he Love me? Clearly not. It's all just empty talk. And then he would peform mental gymnastics to explain it away like this: "me not reading your messages is Love too".   But no it isn't.

Edited December 20, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Ananta]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

 

Obviously I was being emotional and hurt when I said that. I didn't mean it.

You didn't hide or edit your  comment, so after 16 hours I replied.

Btw, you didn't have my edited reply-

"Merry Christmas to you too!

Ya know ppl here don't HAVE TO be nice to you. You get what you give....in this case it's this- ?"

Remember, anyone can say any hurtful thing and just say, "well, obviously,  I was upset". Think before you speak (type).

[mandyjw]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

@mandyjw I don't know how all this turned out into that I objectify women and require them to please me. Apparently it's wrong to like women, like talking to them, and to want a partner.

You do not like women, nor do you like talking to them, nor do you enjoy the idea of having a partner. You don't. You think you do, experientially, you don't. It seems to be a cause of pain, and you think they are a cause of pain but it's your thoughts about it that are the problem. You don't actually like nor enjoy women. You don't let yourself. That's the problem. 

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

Meaning: the "I love you" shit is clearly just empty words.

It's like when Leo says how loving he is and how Love is the ultimate truth and how much he Loves everyone etc., but when I write to him he doesn't even read my messages. So does he Love me? Clearly not. It's all just empty talk. And then he would peform mental gymnastics to explain it away like this: "me not reading your messages is Love too".   But no it isn't.

It is just empty. What magic has to happen to CAUSE you to feel love? It can't be caused. It's you letting go of thoughts about how you do NOT have a partner, how women are bad and don't give you what you want, or whatever else about yourself. 

Same as me. Same as Leo. If Leo doesn't enjoy nor feel love for his community and his work, and says "it's all LOVE" to gloss over it, who does he really cheat? 

Is not love itself, felt, known only ever now, a reward unto itself for no one? 

I think we've established love isn't a word, it's not characters on the screen, nor is it an idea. That's why you're feeling such dissonance with it, you know deeply that it isn't but you're still trying to make it out like it is. 

[Blackhawk]

13 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

You do not like women, nor do you like talking to them, nor do you enjoy the idea of having a partner. You don't. You think you do, experientially, you don't. It seems to be a cause of pain, and you think they are a cause of pain but it's your thoughts about it that are the problem. You don't actually like nor enjoy women. You don't let yourself. That's the problem. 

Yes I do. Why are you saying that stuff